In Continuum.

Jamie Suicides

It was 1134pm,an hour and a half since Jamie entered the bathroom in her bathing suit.In her hands a carefully folded towel,her change of clothes,and unseen from her family a small box of razor blades stolen from her father's drawers.Jamie was quiet,almost unusually silent that night,but nobody noticed her as she strolled past the livingroom.Jonathan heartlessly threw vulgarities at her as she walked passed the television set,blocking his view of his favourite talk show.In her heart,Jamie wept.The words pierced like poison in veins.

Her head throbbed because she havent slept for two days,and her throat was tight and dry.Her left hand grabbed her chest,as it heaved in an unnatural way.Her heart was thumping,but yet she knew it has been dead ever since the life,thelife was taken out of her.She was afraid,she was petrified.But yet,she was happy about everything.Happy that she was about to put an end to everything,to her sorrows and misery.The razor blades clattered in the box,as she closed the door behind her.The water was filling up the tub fast,and the steam filled the bathroom gradually.She took off her bathing suit,and stared at her naked body through the mirror one last time,and wept once more at the scars left between her legs.The bloody reminder of a horrible past,and the life now robbed of her forever.

It was Christmas eve,and Jamie was happy,she remember.Jacob used to be the one whom she called,while crying along to sad songs.The phone calls at night,when he told her about his brothers and sisters,learnt about his favourite colours,and the stroll down the snow covered streets searching the sky for familiar constellations on Christmas Eve,last Christmas Eve,her last Christmas eve,like children do.

It was New Year,and the town waved goodbye to 2005,and welcomed 2006.In the dark,at the back of Jacob's Ford,they made love for the first time after the snow stopped at last.They breathed each other,and they held each other close.It was cold out,but they felt each other's naked body.Warm and soft,moist and sweat.He smiled,and she cried.Tears of happiness rolled down her cheeks."How often will you love me,Jacob?" she asked."A thousand times over,Jamie.A thousand times over." They kissed again,and soon after midnight they fell asleep in each other's arms.

It was 17th of March,St. Patrick's Day.Jacob hadnt called in a week.They met once at the mall,but he gave her a cold shoulder whenever she tried to touch him.In the crowded theatre she felt alone,even with the presence of Jacob she felt so distant from him.She asked him about it,and he denied anything and everything.He lied,as she soon found out.A hasty goodbye was all Jacob gave,as he hurried off in his Ford at the mall's parking lot.Jamie hailed a cab and asked the Afghani driver to follow the Ford,a car or two in front.He followed her orders,and soon Jamie found herself in a familiar neighbourhood.She came here often during her childhood,she hung around her best friend Chloe's house a lot.They went to the same grade school,same high school and were both cheerleaders there.They loved each other,and at one point maybe too close.Jacob parked his car in front of hers,and he pressed the honk once,maybe twice in her driveway.Moments later Chloe emerged from the front door,dressed in a powder blue jacket and a pink scarf around her neck.She entered his car,and Jamie got out of hers.

It was blurry,and the streetlights were faint.But from the silhouettes in the car,Jamie could make out the shapes inside the car were kissing.They were all over each other,like animals they touched as the car shook.Jamie's hands trembled,from the cold of the winter still lingering,and betrayal.Tears rolled down her cheeks,but this time they were not the result of happiness,but anger,shock and most of all:fear.

She mustered her courage and stepped up to the window of Jacob's car.The window was steamy,despite the cold wind now blowing mercilessly against Jamie's face.She banged,and from within a cry out of shock was heard.Jacob opened the car,with his belt hanging loose and undone,Chloe was in the passenger seat busy buttoning up her top with half her left breast hanging out.They were embarrassed,and Jamie was fuming.

"You shouldnt have seen this." Jacob explained,and held Jamie by her shoulders."I wanted to tell you but i was afraid you wouldnt understand."

"So you were just waiting for me to find out?" Jamie yelled,half choking on her tears.

Jacob was silent,and he rubbed his nose in shame,a gesture he always did when he hasnt got a clue.Chloe was in the car,reapplying her makeup,ignoring her childhood friend's existence totally.Jamie then unzipped her bag and threw a stack of files and papers into Jacob's chest.He was bewildered,and caught merely a page of what was thrown on him,but that was enough.It was a scan of a baby,dated only that very afternoon."Oh...God.Jamie..." Jacob uttered under his breath,but followed by nothing else.

They both stood there,dumbfounded."Can you close the door Jacob?It's cold out there." Chloe said as she wrapped Jacob's sweaters around herself,one that Jamie gave him for Christmas.Jacob stood there for a while,and conjured up solutions from the problem before his eyes:Jamie,her life,his life and most of all,the life within her.

"Here," Jacob said as he took out his wallet."Take this."

In his hand was his credit card.Jamie stared in disbelief.

"I havent got much,but it should be enough."

"Enough for what?" Jamie said,face contorted in sadness.

"Abortion." Jacob said.

He handed Jamie the card,and got back into the card with Chloe inside.He started the car,and drove off into the night.The cold wind continue to blast against Jamie's face,and she the card fell to the ground alongside what's left of her tears.She knelt by the driveway,all drained and drowned in despair.She was devastated,and confused,and under the lonely streetlight that very night she made up her mind.As if the cold wind and the cold hard truth werent bad enough for the already broken Jamie,it started to rain.

It is the present,and Jamie's in her bathroom once again.Her stomach ached,due to the operation done to her only weeks before.The scar never really healed,but most of all it ached because of the emptiness.The void that now replaced the life in her womb only weeks before.She was ashamed of herself,for not thinking things through before.For using Jacob's dirty money,and most of all killing the very life she bore.

She stepped into the warm water,and left the water wash all over her body.She hoped and she prayed,that the water will wash away her sins.That God will forgive her when she's through with what she was about to do.She took out the blades,and with her trembling hands she slid her wrist,once,twice,trice and by the fourth time she found herself smiling to the pain.Bloody dripped from her wound like water from a tap,and soon enough she dyed the whole tub of water red with her own blood.

She closed her eyes,and let the life inside her flow out like how she was robbed of another life.Jamie felt light,lighter,then weightless.Her vision blurred,and her conscience slowly faded away.She could still hear,but she couldnt think straight.An hour,maybe two passed.And she thought she heard somebody banging at the door.It was her mother's voice,and she sounded anxious.She couldnt move her legs,or her hands.She was trapped in her limp body,drenched in her own blood.Her mother burst in through the door soon after and screamed.

For she saw that the steaming bathroom smelled like blood,and in the tub was her naked daughter,lifeless.Blood stained the side of the pearl white bathtub,and her daughter inside with a hint of smile at the edge of her mouth...