In Continuum.

Here Goes Nothing, Mr. Humphreys

"Here goes nothing, Mr. Humphreys" was what I said when I applied pressure to the left button on my wireless mouse, and the notification flashed on the monitor screen, informing me about the sent email. There, my desperate call out for help to a real writer who had his book published. His name is Neil Humphreys, the author of Final Notes from a Great Island, who just happens to be the best selling Singaporean author here.

You might have recognized him from a couple of locally produced movies as well, and he played Sir Stanford Raffles once. But anyway, the reason why I sent him an email really was to ask him about book publications in Singapore and how he got around getting his materials published in the first place. It is a little far-fetched that I am doing such a thing, with not a lot of skills and materials at hand myself. But it must have been that impulsive, irrational side of me working up again. So what if I am charing into a brick wall like a raging bull? I am giving everything a blind shot in the dark now, and there isn't any harm trying for the greater good, now is there?

I'm not sure if I am going to get a reply, or if it is going to get to him in the first place. The truth is, I have sent a lot of emails to people whom I don't expect a reply from. I even emailed John Mayer a couple of days ago to ask him to visit Singapore. Yet again, it is very far-fetched and ridiculously ambitious. I bet when they receive my email, it would take about two seconds to process the content. Another one second to delete the email and another to move on to the next. But like I said, I am taking blind shots here, and having a fool's hope is better than not having hope at all.

But that doesn't necessarily mean that I have any expectations. I am tired of those really, especially the ones that I have for myself. This is going to be the point where things are going to be swept aside and started anew. This is going to be the part when we rearrange the pieces on the board and start from square one. This is going to be the point when I look upon the world with my bare hands and say," I have these, and these are all that I've got". Because really, I am going to start from scratch again, and there is no better way than to have no expectations right now, and have all opportunities and chances seen as a sort of miracle.

So here goes nothing, like I said, since I have nothing to lose. Even if the email eventually gets deleted, I still have my pair of hands and my passion for writing. It is not going to seize anytime soon, nor is it going to slow down at all. I have a constant crave to blog and blog all the time, and if you think that Samantha is a heavy blogger, you haven't read my blog yet. There are so many ideas and things that I want to say, erupting into the cyberspace like a mushroom cloud. This is where I stand my ground, and to draw a line around my domain and call this my own. This is my world, a little twisted on the edges and roughened, but this is a place that I call my own.

As I laid in bed last night, I thought about the sight of my books on the shelves in major bookstores in Singapore. That is not the difficult part really, but seeing people buying it is a little ridiculous. Perhaps it is the self-depreciative side of me acting up again, but I am not sure if people are going to be interested in books about homosexuals, death, life and an invisible girl who falls in love with a robot called Einstein. To tell you the truth, I have no idea if anybody is even mildly interested in my works other than myself. But hey, even Danielle Steele has fans. So why not me?