In Continuum.

Wonderful Tonight

It's late in the evening
She's wondering clothes to wear
She puts on her make-up
And brushes her long blond hair

I was the scrawny little boy in class in the past, spending my days on the basketball court or the grassy fields behind the school, playing basketball or catching. Those were the favorite past-times for the boys in school, and it was also part of the attempt - on my part - to try to fit into the various social groups. However, I never stood out in the crowd, never had anything to boast myself about. I was just like any other kid, as unique as everybody else. It is a good thing I suppose, to say that I have changed ever since those scrawny days, the days spent on the basketball courts in primary school, coming back to the classroom after recess with the uniform sticking to my bareback and smelling like a dozen unwashed socks. Which might explain the average time it takes for a primary school friend to recognize me on the streets these days - about ten to twenty seconds, on average.

Talking to an old friend from that 'era' of mine, we caught up with the each other about our present and our future, but mostly the past. We talked about the friends that we both shared then, and she talked about how she saw me on the streets a couple of times but never said hello, because she was never sure about it at all. Judging from the places she saw me - Coffee Bean and HMV - I told her that it was probably me, no longer thin and scrawny perhaps. Very naturally, the topic came to the lives of the old classmates we had, and a certain somebody's news got my eyebrows perked up and the edge of my mouth curled up into a smile. It was a genuine happiness for that person I guess, to see a person step from one stage of her life to another. After all, shouldn't we all be happy for somebody else's marriage?

And then she asks me
"Do I look alright?"
And I say," Yes,
You look wonderful tonight."

I remember the girl well, the girl that sat next to me for a period of time in class. I forgot which grade it was when she did, but I certainly remember being sulky about the fact that she was taller than me at that time. At the beginning of every semester in school, the children would be ushered downstairs to have our heights and weights measured, to see if we are overweight or underweight. I suppose it was part of the student welfare thing in school, to have them monitor our education progress as well as our health. I was never the healthy kid in class, always a tad bit below the healthy weight limit and always a little shorter than everybody else. The fact that the girls in class were taller than me back then made me even more frustrated than ever.

The girl sat next to me in class back then, and I remember the period of class after the height measurement when everybody started talking about how much they grew - or how little, for some. The girl generally made vast improvements, and that is usually the case for girls anyway, since they have their puberties start earlier and radically more rapidly than boys. We usually have a slower start, but our height growth - scientifically - ends at about the time when we hit 22 years old, while the girls usually end at around 18 years old. Anyway, I remember she was telling us how she grew 4cm, from 153 to 157cm, happily spreading the numbers to the group of girls around her(Since they didn't have breasts to boast about). There I was, sitting next to her, sulking away and swearing to myself to play more basketball. Forgive me, for I had an illusion that by playing basketball, one would grow faster and taller than anybody else. Stop laughing.

We go to a party
Everyone turns to see
This beautiful lady
Whose walking around with me

Early on in her teenage years, CaiQin was already the center of attention. Not particularly amongst the boys, but because of the amount of girl friends that she had. She was the kind of girl on the left or the right of the most popular girl in class, which boosted her status amongst the boys - somewhat. I have vague memories about her to be honest, since the boys usually drew lines with the girls back in school, literally. We would draw a line on the table, and mark the territory between ours and theirs. The boys hated the girls, and the girls hated the boys as well. Despite the occasional games together during recess, there were still a lot of differences and arguments amongst the two genders, and there were times when those arguments turned into crying-fiestas. The tougher, more tomboy like girls would then chase after the boys that caused the weaker girls to cry, and it usually ends with the boy outrunning that girl, or a teacher being pulled into the mud to settle the dispute. Oh, how childish we were.

Standing above all the boys however, CaiQin had her authority in class. I remember her hair tied back into a bundle, and the way her eyes would squint whenever she smiles or laughs. The slightly curly hair would stick out from here and there despite the hair band, and I remember the way the sunlight outside the classroom would look through those hair, standing up on top of her head like dead trees. Some time along my primary school life, however, we changed classes. It was because of her grade I remember, and she slipped to the back of the class and remained there until we parted ways at the end of the sixth grade. I heard no news of her ever since, or seen her on the streets whatsoever. And it has been nine years since the last day of school, how time flies by.

And then she asks me
"Do you feel alright?"
And I say," Yes,
I feel wonderful tonight."

And how interesting it is, to have the first news received of hers after nine years to be that of her marriage in January next year. Surfing through Friendster, I found her account hidden under a fake name. Dressed in her wedding gown and standing in front of the mirror, she looked so radically different from that young girl I remember back in the school days. Much of her appearances have changed throughout the years, but that smile still looks very much the same. With those eyes still squinting at the camera, there was no doubt that the girl getting married was that same girl that sat next to me in class so many years ago. I think I still have her primary school pictures, if I dig into the storeroom long and hard enough. But for now, let's have her beautiful image in the wedding gown remain in my mind just for a while longer.

I guess marriage is always a nice thing, even if you are woken up by horns blaring underneath your block at seven in the morning, you can't help but be happy for the couple whose about to get married. It is interesting how I just posted an entry about marriage, and here I am now talking about the marriage of my primary school classmate. To me, it is no longer the idea of having somebody getting married, but rather the idea of a friend moving on into another stage of her life, away from what we all are experiencing now ourselves. In contrast, we all seem to be stuck in the past somehow, still stuck in that stage whereby crushes grow into likings, likings grow into love, love grows into hate, and hate growing into heartbreak. Twenty-one is a young age for somebody to get married, but I guess whichever the age one decide to get married, we should all wish them all the best.

I feel wonderful
Because I see the love right in your eyes
And the wonder of it all
Is that you just don't realize how much I love you

There was a girl who got married from my school two years ago. While I never got to know her personally, she was the classmate of my close friend. However, as sudden as that marriage was announced, it ended it a similar pattern as well - rushed and messily. It started with a clear and windy day at a cafe in town, when my friend and I were just sitting there next to the sidewalk, enjoying a cup of coffee and talking about the good old days when his cell phone started vibrating. It was a message from his classmate, announcing to everybody her engagement to a guy or something like that - we were just nineteen years old then. It was taken as a bad joke at that time, because we have received such messages before, friends telling others that they are married on the 31st of February, what that day doesn't even exist at all.

Anyway, as it turned out, that girl really was getting married. That little piece of information alone caused a giant uproar the size of a tsunami really. That is of course, before they heard what happened next. Rumor has it, that she ran away from home just to get married with this guy whom she fell head over heels for, days before she was supposed to fly to Los Angeles to study overseas with her sister. The infuriated father almost disowned her daughter because of that, but was never convincing enough for his daughter to change her mind. She never got married in the end, but was engaged to him for a period of time. In that time however, her husband was rather abusive - or so I heard, and the engagement was broke off at the very end with an unhappy wife, an unhappy husband, a pair of unhappy family, an a pair of abortion experiences. So you see, when it comes to marriage at a young age, things can go seriously wrong as well.

It's time to go home now
I've got an aching head
So I gave her the car keys
And she helps me to bed

I'm not saying that CaiQin's marriage is going to end up in the same kind of emotional ditch as that other person I mentioned. After all, this husband-to-be of hers looks rather decent, and probably a lot older than herself from what I can see. It's just that at this age, we start to wonder if she knows what she is doing at all, if she thought about the consequences and the possibilities of mistakes. A marriage is a marriage, you cannot leave it just because you wake up one morning and realized that you've made a terrible mistake, putting the rest of your life in the hand of the man sleeping next to you.

Right now, it's just funny how that girl in the ugly green uniform crawled out of it and turned into a princess of sorts. Seeing her wedding pictures put a smile on my face. It feels like the evolution of a caterpillar into a butterfly somehow, as it spreads its wings and takes off from the tree. People are getting married, starting a family, while I am still here - cheated on, broken and single. Like the child that I was so many years ago, sulking at the fact that she was taller than me, I guess I can't help but sulk all over again. But I guess, there is a time for everything, and hers just came a lot earlier than everybody else's.

I sent her a message via Friendster this afternoon, congratulating her on the marriage. I'm not sure if she remembers me at all, if she has any recollections of that scrawny little boy that sat next to her and sulked most of the time. But I told her to hold true to this special thing that she owns, this little thing called love. Because it is so hard to find these days, and to have her take a step further than anybody else is such an admirable thing. Best of luck!

And then I tell her
As I turn out the lights
I say," My darling,
You were wonderful tonight."

Oh my darling,
You were wonderful tonight.