In Continuum.

Highway

So you've found a job that pays well
But it's hard to please that boss from hell
She makes you lie and throws you daggers
You tell yourself that things will get better

The studying group this afternoon was organized in the last minute really. The idea came about in the canteen when I was heading up to class with Jon and Deuel. I know that it is merely the first week of the new semester, but studying is already in the minds of many, at least in the small group of people who bothered to turn up today at Deuel's. Most of us are still in the hangover mood, the way you mind spins after a night of heavy drinking. The same applies for the holidays, especially after you've had too much to drink and too much to play. Most of them are still taking things lightly, thinking that the last semester has just ended and it still takes some time for us to get used to things. There are people on the other hand - people like me - who are desperately trying to get things together. It seems a little early to worry, but better now then later I suppose. I still have a reputation to uphold.

The studying went on fine, with the girls goofing away while the guys tried to do our work. But both Deuel and Jon reached home at eight in the morning, and actually slept till eleven before coming over for the studies. So for half the time, they were forcing themselves to digest whatever that were on the notes and in the textbook. I was probably the most energetic one there in theory, but even I was bored to tears by the contents of the World Civilizations textbook. Homo-Sapiens, Homo-Erectus and the likes. It was just pages after pages about how Africa was the cradle of life, the great migration between 50000 B.C.E. and 10000 B.C.E. Seriously, those aren't facts you want to read about on a Saturday afternoon. I wonder if it is possible for the schools to download documentaries from Discovery Channel concerning the related topics. I'm sure they are going to be infinitely more interesting.

A year, or two, still not much has changed
Do you think it's time, are you desperate for a change?

After the studying session, I went down to Dhoby Ghaut for an important event that has been on my calendar for the longest time. Samantha invited myself and the rest of the movie monsters club to attend her gig that was happening at YWCA. This time around, Samantha is playing for a band called The Dawning, a bunch of people coming together from her church to play some music and at the same time, do some evangelistic jobs with members of the public. It was one of those church service things, but this time it involved more music rather than preaching. Like Samantha said on the invitation the other time, she was inviting me to music, not church. She knew about how allergic I can be when it comes to events like that, but I guess attending it for Samantha is going to be a good enough reason. Honestly, I have never seen or heard Samantha play live on stage, despite knowing her for so long.

I remember back in January, Samantha sent me a song that she wrote for the band she was going to play with. It was a song called 'Highway', and it was a really rough version of the song with bits and pieces of the song written, and the recording of the song was pretty rough on the edges as well. I gave her a few advice on the lyrics and the tune, and how she could improve on the bridge and stuff like that. Little did I know that a few months down the road, the song would be sang on her gig in front of a live audience. I almost forgot about the song to be honest, and to hear it on stage was a pleasant surprise I must say. The lyrics that are intersected in between the paragraphs are the words from the song, and I must say that this is signature Samantha. I mean, there was another song written by a band member, and it isn't even half as good as what Samantha has accomplished. It was like seeing a child grow up to do the parents proud. Samantha was the mother, and the song was her child. To have the song come out in full glory on stage with the guitars and the drums surely was something to be proud of - very much like your child going onto the stage to receive a prize. You can't help but to stand up and cheer," My friend wrote that song!"

Driving down this highway, don't know where to turn
Are you waiting for some sigh or waiting to crash and burn
And if someone told you to go the other way
Do you dare to take the chance, do you dare today?

It was a church event for sure, but it was more like a gig for the most part. In between the songs, members of the band came out onto the stage to perform little skids for the audience, based on true stories from the cast. There was a story about Samuel coming back from a school camp and how he capsized out in sea from a kayak. There was the story about Melody and her encounter with death at the age of eight. Samantha's story was up there too, but the details shall be left out from this entry due to how personal it is. I didn't know too much about the story, because she never actually told me before - she did however, tell the girls. I guess it is a girl-girl thing. I was moved by the story, simply because of how I went through pretty much the same thing only a couple of months before. But then again, don't we all go through similar things after a shitty relationship? The way you feel sorry for yourself, and how useless and worthless you are all at the same time.

The script was based on a true story, but whatever went on on stage were fabricated. Samantha didn't actually cry on stage, nor did the main actor playing her ex-boyfriend say those words to her. But I felt her pain there in the crowd, knowing that somebody did the same to her and said the exact same thing about my dear friend. As a friend of Samantha who was sitting in front of us would later comment, we were really emotional piqued during her segment of the show. But I thought, it didn't matter if it was fake or not. Samantha was being bullied in the past, and we weren't there to put her back together in the past. Doing it now is our way to redeem ourselves in a way, and I guess that is the least we can do - to be emotionally piqued. I'm not sure if it is a good or a bad thing to be that way, but I guess as a friend, it matters little. There was a defense mechanism that kicked in inside my head then, and I had the sudden urge to kick the main actor in the balls for being such an ass - which goes to show how good an actor he probably was. I was restrained by the ladies on both sides, and I subdued my anger. Still, it was hard to shed the feeling off my head, how it all rang a bell inside my mind about my not-so distant past.

So you've made some friends, you're happy
But soon your life begins to get messy
They treat you like some clueless loser
You tell yourself that things will get better

I feel a little bad for Samantha in a way, because she invited four walls to attend this church session, which in essence hopes to convert a few non-believers I suppose. You cannot run away from mild propaganda on an event such as this, though the word 'propaganda' is a little harsh. Our heads were asked to bow, and under our breaths we were asked to say the sinner's prayers. I didn't, of course, because I am a wall when it comes to religion matters. Words come to me and it bounces off like a ball, nothing really goes into my head at all. I don't suppose a two hour event is going to change me about my beliefs, when four years of Catholic school system did nothing more than making me feel angry about the whole idea of religion. Inevitably, there were the little preaches in attempts to change our minds, and the non-believers were believed to be in a struggle. A struggle to find themselves, a struggle to belong to somewhere. In truth, I don't have a religion, and I don't find myself struggling at all. The closest thing I worship is probably a flaming guitar in the sky, but that's just a little abstract for people. I don't force the image of a flaming guitar into your head, so don't try to force your image of God into mine, simple as that. In my Hell, you don't burn in eternal flames but suffer under infinite amount of bad music.

But I suppose, above all the talks about God and Christianity, there was something more to it all. Christianity was something that brought Samantha back on her feet back then, something acting in our behalf when we were still living our lives seven years ago, oblivious of her existence. To me, the religion really isn't my cup of tea. However, to see where Samantha is today because of the religion brings a smile to my face every time I think about it. There she is on the stage, with her exaggerated make-up and keyboards, with her fingers snapping away to the beats of the drums, all of those could not have happened if not for who and what she believes in today. It could have been a completely different Samantha, if the religion hadn't come into her life in the right time and the right place to pull her out of her misery. Though I do not approve of the religion, I do appreciate the difference it has made to her life - and in turn my life as well. I mean, the person she is today is because of the person the religion made her believe herself to me. She wouldn't have been the person that I've come to like, to love, to admire today if not for everything. Knowing that, the event became more than just a church event or a rock concert, but a peek into the kind of life that shaped my friend into the person - the great person - she is today.

This life won't last forever
So let's stop wasting time
This chance is ours to take
And these are our lives

I guess, it comes down to whatever that floats your boat. Some people rely on religion to path their ways in times of trouble, while others like me just run straight into the obstacle head on without much help from anything. With a healthy dosage of loud music, angry blog entries and talks with my friends over coffee, nothing is serious enough for me to sink into depression. But there are people out there who needs more than just the helping hand from friends, but the kind of force that a faith provides. I don't like the way some churches force the religion down your throat, but I do recognize it as being a healing hand for a million people out there. It is comforting to know that it is an avenue for people out there to vent, similar to what Samantha went through in the past. If it works for her, we should respect what she believes in. After all, she never - for once - tried to force anything down my throat. In fact, amongst my friends in other social circle, Samantha has always been my example of a cool/kickass Christian.

So thanks for inviting us to the show tonight. It was a kind of a waste of tickets, because neither of us were really listening to the preaching by...Priscilla, I think that's her name. It could have been sold to four others who may be more susceptible to the words of God. Despite that, you still invited the four of us, and I am grateful for that, and so much more. It really was great to see you on stage after hearing about your story, standing there all over again, as if you were being baptized by the flood lights from either side of the stage. There on the stage, I saw you being set free on the keys of the keyboard, and there you were - Samantha, at your very best.

Driving down this highway, don't know where to turn
Are you waiting for some sigh or waiting to crash and burn
And if someone told you to go the other way
Do you dare to take the chance, do you dare today?