An Asian Grinch
Monday, December 24, 2007
An Asian Grinch
Have yourself a merry little Christmas,
Let your heart be light
From now on,
Our troubles will be out of sight
Christmas in Taiwan, seems to be the trend for the past couple of years. Haven't had a Christmas back in Singapore after that horrendous experience three years ago, the other time when my nice Christmas suit and hair was threatened by a maniac with a spray can and a can of beer too many. He thought it'd be fun to drown random strangers in foam because he thought the idea of mimicking soft fluffy snow with white foam is a neat idea. He was meant with my pointed finger and a sudden exclamation of vulgarity in the middle of the crowded street, and that was the last time I ever stepped onto Orchard Road, and decided to escape to some other country with a much lesser emphasis than Singapore - somewhere back home.
Have yourself a merry little Christmas,
Make the Yule-tide gay,
From now on,
our troubles will be miles away.
Here we are as in olden days,
Happy golden days of yore.
Faithful friends who are dear to us
Gather near to us once more.
Have yourself a merry little Christmas,
Let your heart be light
From now on,
Our troubles will be out of sight
Christmas in Taiwan, seems to be the trend for the past couple of years. Haven't had a Christmas back in Singapore after that horrendous experience three years ago, the other time when my nice Christmas suit and hair was threatened by a maniac with a spray can and a can of beer too many. He thought it'd be fun to drown random strangers in foam because he thought the idea of mimicking soft fluffy snow with white foam is a neat idea. He was meant with my pointed finger and a sudden exclamation of vulgarity in the middle of the crowded street, and that was the last time I ever stepped onto Orchard Road, and decided to escape to some other country with a much lesser emphasis than Singapore - somewhere back home.
So the past two or three years, I've been spending the times here at home, a unique blend of a Western holiday in a very Eastern city. But something is the same no matter which part of the world you go, and that is how happy most people are on a festive season such as this one. It doesn't matter if you are a Christian or a non-Christian, because everybody loves Christmas. Children love the gifts and the food, adults can take a break from reality, and teenagers just love the sex on Christmas - yes, it happens. There is just something about staying at home on a cold winter night, cuddling in bed with one another that is so infinitely alluring about this season, and that is probably what I absolutely hate about this season as well. I dislike this day probably as much as the Grinch, which was a name tagged on me by Samantha just last night. I guess I can be the main character in the sequel of the Grinch, an Asian version of the famous anti-Christmas character like that.
I was just in the car just now, and I could tell that the DJs on the radio station hated this day as well. I can imagine working on Christmas Eve as their friends are out partying and getting completely drunk out of their minds. It was pretty admirable of them, how they managed to have a two-hour talk show on the radio about different ways people around the world celebrates Christmas, but at the same time it was pretty painful to listen because they were just speaking around the same boring topic, listening to the same callers calling in and not to mention those awkward silences punctuated in between. It must have been quite a task when it was first appointed to them in the first place. Just imagine your boss telling you," Talk about Christmas on Christmas Eve, and that's all you can do for two hours - or else." So there they were, telling us about traditional Christmas dishes in Spain made from honey and egg, then about Christmas in Russia that involves a truckload of caviar. OK, she didn't actually say that on the radio. But I'm pretty sure they have a little bit of caviar in their dishes, I'm pretty sure.
Have yourself a merry little Christmas,
Make the Yule-tide gay,
From now on,
our troubles will be miles away.
A bunch of bored people on Christmas Eve called in to the show just to talk about how bored or pathetic they are. There was this guy who was on his way to a Christmas party organized by his children's childcare center, and he kept on talking about how he dressed his children up to look like turkeys. Then there was that other guy who was stuck in the middle of a heavy traffic jam, and he spoke of how Christmas in Taiwan felt quite different from the Christmas in Southeast Asia where he just came back from - a country he declined to reveal for some strange reason. I guess it was his effort to feel important, because he wasn't going for any parties, any celebrations, any gatherings tonight. He told the DJ that he didn't want his friends to know who he was, but I guess he was just trying to play secretive, feel important, be delusional. Then again, aren't we all delusional on a day like that, when we all know that it really is just like any other day of the year, especially in a country like this one. We are all living an illusion on this day to be perfectly fine with our lives, and utterly happy - when in truth, we are really not.
If there is a detector from wet blankets, it is probably going to buzz its head off with my presence around. It's not like I am going to go around burning Christmas trees and exchanging toys under the trees with something far worse - like a box of tarantulas or something. I'm not attending any parties, or any forms of gatherings. I'm just staying at home tonight after a great steamboat dinner to entertain myself and the dog at the very same time. I derive more pleasure in playing tug-of-war with a small cushion drenched in the dog's drool than to be out getting myself drunk silly, dancing around half naked and spilling out my innermost secrets. To be honest, maybe I am just a sour grape. I hate Christmas because I loved Christmas way too much last time - last year. It is a clear milestone right now, a milestone painted in red and green. Because everything at this point was a year from what happened last year, and it is not difficult to recall what happened last year, at least for me. I'd rather think that nothing happened last year, that those candles weren't lid and the lights weren't turned off on that windy Christmas Eve night. A lot of "How I Wish", but little of what I can do, at this point.
Here we are as in olden days,
Happy golden days of yore.
Faithful friends who are dear to us
Gather near to us once more.
Somebody needs to start writing new Christmas songs, somebody needs to start writing sad Christmas songs. Maybe Blue Christmas, or Silent Night, I think they are really depressing Christmas songs that seem to fit the landscapes a whole lot better. The snow covered rooftops, the empty streets in the middle of the night, the dead trees and the icicles hanging on the porches, none of those songs that sing of warm and fuzzy feelings seem to fit the bill well enough at all. There are times for songs like that, and that is definitely not here, not now. A bunch of my friends just had a party yesterday, a party that I wasn't able to attend. A bunch of them got drunk, some of them got dead drunk. Some of them threatened to jump out of a moving car, while others just stood around and talked the night away. For some reason, that wasn't my idea of a Christmas party, or a party for that matter. Then again, ignore me. Maybe I am just being sour.
I like the song "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas", it sounds vindictive somehow - and sour. Picture a man walking down a dark alley in the middle of the night after a heavy party, he has a paper bag of gifts in one hand and his car keys in the other, walking towards the parking lot to go home. Then some other guy jumps out of nowhere and punches him in the nose, takes the paper bag and the car keys and runs away into the night. The man stands back up and brushes the dirt off his shoulders and butt, then curse into the cold winter air about his rotten luck. Now try to imagine the song in the background, as the male voice goes "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas". It's such an ironic image, such a punch in the face. It's strange that it appeals to me in a way, but I can't be bothered too much. I just prefer things that way, my way.
By the end of the year, we are going to stow away the Christmas tree, take down the fancy lights and put them into big cardboard boxes. As of the tree, put them back into the storeroom until next year. Christmas carols are not going to be peaceful anymore, but another one of those bad songs played too many times on the radio. Not to mention those gifts left out in a corner of your room to gather dust, the throbbing head from the night of heavy drinking. Everything is going to go back to normal, and you'd still have to go out into the driveway to shove snow out of the way. The leftover turkey is going to belong to the trash can, everything resumes back to reality mode, the usual. Yeah, it's all too ephemeral for my taste, too temporary. Or maybe, like a wet blanket as I am, things are just way too happy. The Asian Grinch, or the Asian Scrooge. Watch out now, here I come to drench everybody in cold bitter water.
Through the years
We all will be together,
If the Fates allow
Hang a shining star upon the highest bough.
And have yourself A merry little Christmas now.
Through the years
We all will be together,
If the Fates allow
Hang a shining star upon the highest bough.
And have yourself A merry little Christmas now.
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on Monday, December 24, 2007 at 8:41 PM.
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