In Continuum.

So the finals have ended, and I must say that it turned out a lot better than I originally expected. After the dismaying mid-terms just a few weeks ago, the failure probably struck me in the face with a newfound motivation  and drive. It has been a good last day, an awesome week, a grand finale. The papers were not altogether easy, but at least I was able to breeze through most of it all unscathed. I came into this exam period hoping for the best and expecting the worst, but I guess I should be glad and thankful that the latter never managed to catch up with me. I am unsure of how the finals are going to affect my overall grade, if the sudden turn of the tide is going to make a difference to anything at all. At this point, however, I don't think I care anymore. I have tried my best, we have tried our best, in the small living room on the second floor of Kerri's house, and I must thank those people for motivating me, the way we forced each other to stay awake all through the night, and those discussions surely helped immensely today for UGC. Thanks for making it happen, things wouldn't have turned out half as pretty if I were to study alone last night. I wouldn't have been able to do it without you guys.

It was all about the last burst of energy last night for the lot of us, putting our heads together and trying to brainstorm for possible questions that'd be asked for the UGC paper. As the lot of them discussed about his lecture materials, I merely sat in the corner and tried to absorb as many things as I possibly could, all the while fighting the temptation of succumbing to my exhaustion. I never believed in studying in groups, but then desperate times called for desperate measures. The historical figures were swimming around my head, dead people coming back to life in between the pages of the textbook, not to mention the blank stares and the cold hard looks in the pictures taken over half a century ago. I am glad that we picked Kerri's place as the place for our final countdown, because everything about her house worked. Everything from the silence, to the air-conditioning, to the lack of distractions - save for the dog. Everything worked last night, and the dinner to Holland Village was satisfying to say the very least. There is something beautiful about the simplicity during examination period, the singular goal shared by a group of people in this period of time. Life is less complicated, it's all about the books, and only about the books. Things were simple, and I really liked it like that.

I remember lying in bed and listening to the conversation between Jonno and April about cars, something about paint jobs and modifications. When the lights went out and the room grew quiet at four in the morning, thoughts came into my mind about the past semester and how it has been treating me. I guess I have been lucky, very lucky, but in a way I felt a growing distance between myself and the rest of the world, no one in particular. I guess it is the kind of feeling you get after working together with a group of people in close proximity for a long period of time. There isn't anything wrong with them, or what they are doing really. You just want to  break away for a while, to allow some space for yourself. Perhaps this is the "I" side of my Jung's Typology Test kicking in, but that is how I operate I suppose. I am a slave to dialectic tensions on a regular basis, a constant war wages in my mind all the time. A note to add, I really have to get these terms out of my head in order to zone myself out completely for the rest of the holidays, they are not going to do me any good I swear. 

In a few weeks, we are probably going to be checking our grades online, and all I am asking for now is to not have my expectations reach a level that is unattainable even in my own terms. Just allow things to happen if they should, just let things fall into place on their own accord. In between that, I intend to hibernate myself, to turn my brain off. I think that'd be a welcoming change, to spend some quality time away from my day job for nearly a month, to just snuggle up in bed to watch movies after movies, albeit a little anti-social and lonely. It still feels like I have things to do, even at this point. It is probably the hangover from the weeks of studying, the punishment that I have been giving my brain for the better part of the semester. I cannot wait for the sensation of the holidays to officially kick in, but at the same time I don't want this stillness in the air to leave either. You know, the stillness you feel on your way home from the last paper, the stillness you sense when you step into your own home and feeling your own bed, when tension has reached its very peak and you know that everything is going to be better after that. It's the part before your let our a long sigh, the moment before the plunge. Oh, the feeling.

So, this blog is back in full operation. I shall be posting entries that I have obligatorily placed aside because of the papers. Thank God for Stickies in Macs, I can't imagine myself remembering anything for too long a time. Be sure to check back for more updates, though I do not know what you guys, as readers, find interesting about ramblings in my daily life. I suppose, there is a certain intrigue in the lives of others, the way we feel a certain connection with someone else because they are equally unique. Equally unique, interesting. I like the sound of that. Hold on, Summer semester. It is not your turn to settle in yet. Give me a few weeks, let me find myself again.