<body><script type="text/javascript"> function setAttributeOnload(object, attribute, val) { if(window.addEventListener) { window.addEventListener('load', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }, false); } else { window.attachEvent('onload', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }); } } </script> <div id="navbar-iframe-container"></div> <script type="text/javascript" src="https://apis.google.com/js/platform.js"></script> <script type="text/javascript"> gapi.load("gapi.iframes:gapi.iframes.style.bubble", function() { if (gapi.iframes && gapi.iframes.getContext) { gapi.iframes.getContext().openChild({ url: 'https://www.blogger.com/navbar/11515308?origin\x3dhttp://prolix-republic.blogspot.com', where: document.getElementById("navbar-iframe-container"), id: "navbar-iframe", messageHandlersFilter: gapi.iframes.CROSS_ORIGIN_IFRAMES_FILTER, messageHandlers: { 'blogger-ping': function() {} } }); } }); </script>

More, Flying Woes

Saturday, August 16, 2008

More, Flying Woes

I don't remember when I fell in love with the idea of air travels, perhaps it was the idea of flying in a giant metal bird, one of those childish fantasies when I was younger I suppose. It was the closest I could get to emulating the likes of Superman, an astronaut in a documentary on television, or Voltron himself. Nothing beats soaring through space with a giant sword and fighting bad guys, not to mention the fact that he is made up of a dozen different vehicles driven by pilots, some of those vehicles flew like giant metal birds in the sky as well. And yes, I did prefer the vehicle Voltron more thn the original one, so sue me. Anyway, the frequent travels back and forth from Taiwan sowed the grain of love for flying in the past, and that has been the way for many years. Perhaps it was the association of flying and going back home, or maybe it was the kind and beautiful air stewardesses whom I had a childish crush on. Whatever it was, every June and December holiday were holidays that made my fantasies come true.

I haven't been traveling a lot these days, however, school has taken up more time, not to mention other obligations. I love to travel, and has always been a fan of it. But there's always the financial reasons, not mine but that of others. You see, my friends aren't nearly as willing to invest a hefty sum of their money on traveling to a foreign country they can just as easily discover on the Discovery Travel and Living channel. My parents aren't exactly the traveling type either, preferring the constance of everyday life to that of the unknown. My sister has a love affair with only so many countries, namely Taiwan and Japan. Every other country is secondary and, thus, unimportant. She had second thoughts about her exchange program to Europe, a hesitation which I thought to be both absurd and unwise. It was a golden opportunity for her to travel, and yet she had second thoughts about going! I would have jumped at the chance, since my trip to Europe was abruptly and very rudely interrupted by that event. Anyway, I haven't the time to travel, and hasn't been doing a lot of those ever since my Junior College life ended and my army life started. Now that I have left that behind, even the new college life does not allow that much of a breathing space either, since I was stupid (or smart) enough to pick a three year course which should have been a four year one. That meant a faster graduation but at the same time, no summer breaks. That's why, on the brink of the end of summer, I am now on a plane traveling back home to Taiwan for a brief visit that'd put the word "brief" itself to shame.

They say that scarcity makes the heart grow fonder, perhaps the same can be said about air travel. Today, just today, I beg to differ. All of a sudden, a dozen symptoms of the air traveling disease attacked me today, everything from the check-in gate to the trip itself. I am now about half an hour till landing in the TaoYuan International Airport, and the past four hours or so has been spent on watching multiple episodes of House on my Macbook (thank God for that) and thinking up ways to severely mutilate the passenger sitting in front of me. You see, she has been less than considerate and more than an imbecile. More on that later, since I do intend to dedicate a generous amount of words and lines to this prick of a human being. Before that, however, the excitement of the flight itself seems to have faded out a little. Sure, the view outside those thick little holes in the walls of the plane is still pretty much the same, I even recognized one of the air stewardess that served me last December when I flew back home. But something was amiss, something was a little off. I blamed it on the time of the flight initially (I'm really not a morning person), but it soon dawned on me that flying has suddenly turned into a kind of routine, the kind you get bored and tired of. Like the businessman who's travel via plane for one too many times, or the rock star on tour for the thirtieth time in his entire career. It gets stale, like old gum, and I was growing weary as I was stuck in between two old ladies, one of them had a kid who was sedated enough to keep her mouth shut for the most part of the trip. 

My father and I took a bet before we arrived at the airport, he told me to practice my public relations skills and try to talk my way to front row seats on the plane to get more leg space. A hundred dollars just for that feat alone, and three hundred if I manage to upgrade to a different class altogether just by talking to the attendant at the counter. I tried, I really did, but the lady at the counter probably worked overnight or something, she could have kept her loose change in her eye bags. Besides, I was kind of late with the checking in, which was why the seats were already filled up to the brink. So, no one hundred dollar bonus, a bummer at the start of the four hour long trip. A little retail therapy would be nice, in fact a new book in my back would be pretty awesome - despite already having three, including Neil Gaiman's The Dream Hunter. Then there had to be thick wooden walls built around the old bookstore in terminal one for renovation, and I had to be stuck in the boring corner of the airport with the worst view and the worst batch of passengers. The latter category includes a group of high school outward bound students, a group of excited filipino maids, a group of not-so-excited geriatrics, and a group of sleepy travelers watching the Olympics brisk watching event (I know what they are doing, but what are they doing?). 

I've never had a lot of luck with fellow passengers, I don't usually have interesting looking people to accompany me on a long and dreadful flight, male or female. Today was no different: a boring group of returning visitors, the same group of not-so-excited geriatrics, families with cameras around their necks and crumpled brochures still in their hands, the group of overweight monks (I wonder how they got overweight with their vegetarian diet), not to mention the threatening group of children and the fact that they were on the brink of their noisy tantrum. Whatever happened to the teenagers, the ones around my age, the ones who don't smell funny. I prayed that I'd sit next to somebody interesting this time around, since I've never had that chance ever before. Since it hasn't happened before, the possibilities should be way high this time around, right? Not really, I ended up in between two middle-aged women, with one of them being a hater of fish and refused to eat the meal set with fish in it during lunch. The stewardesses tried to convince her to eat some fruits or to drink some water, but her tantrum was a little too much to bear, and there was an urge to feed my leftover lunch just to shut her up. The other lady next to me was fine, but she certainly wasn't very interesting to talk to either. 

Now, let's talk about the woman in front who couldn't be bothered with manners. I was crammed in the center of the economy class, that by itself wasn't too encouraging already. Then the idiot in front had to lean her seat all the way backwards while I was watching House on my Macbook. Her leaning seat caused my Macbook to be wedged between the table and the back of her seat, and she wasn't able to lean back fully as she would have wanted. So what did she do? She leaned forward and pushed herself back with full force just to get the seat back then, in the process crushing my Macbook a few dozen times before I managed to pull it out from underneath. Despite the little girl sitting two seats away and the one across the aisle, I said "fuck you" so loud that it was a wonder why everybody else heard it other than the imbecile. I peeped over the top of her seat, three or four strands of white hair stuck out from the middle of her head where her hair parted. I wondered why the white hair were there, since white hair tend to be associated someone who is wise, or at least with some common sense. I thought about slashing her throat with the knife from the food tray, but they're all made of plastic now. Besides, being thrown off the plane at thirty-thousand feet wasn't a good idea. 

Perhaps I should order an obscene amount of coffee and then slowly pour it down the back of her seat until she has a wet patch of black at the back of her pants that'd only cause others to think that she had involuntary bowel movements. The humiliation would be nice, but that wouldn't cure her stupidity. Perhaps a straw through her skull or something, followed by makeshift electric shocks through a metal wire that I could have tore out from the seat. Too much work though, too much blood. Besides, I probably won't reach much brain though, just balls of dust and pea soup. It wasn't long before land came into view on the monitor in front of me, the camera mounted at the bottom and the front of the plane revealed everything as the giant metal bird approached the runway. The top of my nose started to ache all over again, the tearing pain seared through my skull as if the imbecile's stupid has somehow infected my brain. 

The claustrophobic journey was finally coming to an end. The rows of storage closed in like hidden chambers in an Indiana Jones movie, the air smelled like burn plastic and I could almost see the microscopic germs in the seats. The ocean looked like the close up view of a leather sofa somehow, with the occasional miniature ship passing by below. I was thankful that the journey with the inconsiderate idiots and the narrow walkways was about to end, not to mention how the food tasted particularly bad this time - I usually love airplane food. It was strange, none of the excitement about traveling by plane was in existence today, whatever happened to those. The long days and months of studying has really changed the most enjoyable experience for me - to travel alone. Now that I am in Taiwan, things are looking to be pretty delicious here in a literal way. The dinner was mind-blowing, the dog is still humping his pillow, and Taiwan in the summer smells awesome. I cannot wait to let myself go for the next week to come, it's going to be awesome. Or, at least, please redeem to flight here. At least, I'd have that?

P.S. I hate sensor activated toilet flush

leave a comment