In Continuum.

There are a couple of perks being a celebrity in Singapore, you really don't have a lot of people to please relatively. I mean, just look at those Mediacorp artistes that we have working in the television business right now, they seem to be leading pretty good lives themselves, and ordinary Singaporeans are probably going to easily recognize them on the streets because of their high publicity. It isn't exactly because they are particularly talented or anything, but because the group of so-called "talents" are already so small, that it is rather difficult for us to not recognize them at all. This is a small country, and the entertainment business is a pea as compared to the moon that is the American entertainment business. Everything is on a smaller scale here, and zero competition from different television networks almost guarantees your celebrity status and your popularity, provided that you do not act in overly villainous roles too often. You know, the whole deal about guilt by association in the society. That is pretty much the only way in which the society is going to dislike you as an actor. Other than that, if you have what it takes to cry - particularly cry - you have a shot at stardom here. It's that easy. 

One of the biggest perks is that if you are a celebrity here in Singapore, you have zero press coverage unless you want to have press coverage. That is to say, no photographers following you everywhere around town or taking pictures of you changing in the dressing room. Paparazzi in Singapore are like polar bears in Singapore, they are not natively existent at all. You won't find hordes of photographers stationed outside a particular condominium, because the lives of celebrities here are rather, well, let's just say they are rather uneventful. You find them in various clubs and pubs every once in a while, but they don't go out and make sex tapes and do stupid things in the public. People always say things like "Pictures, or it didn't happen", and that works very well with being a celebrity here in Singapore. If you are drunk outside Zouk one day and you decide to relief yourself by the side of the road, rest easy because no one is probably going to catch you doing that on a high definition camera. Well, people could take pictures with their camera cellphones, but the blurry pictures are not going to hold anything against your reputation. It's OK, urinate away. 

Perk number two of being a celebrity in Singapore, you are never going to run out of trend even if you are old, and if you are playing the same roles over and over and over again in the same television series. You see, change isn't necessarily something the public embraces very well here in Singapore, and it is evident in the television industry here in Singapore. You have one formula that works well on the ratings, and every subsequent television series is going to be choked with that theme. All they do is to change the names of the characters, change the actors, and everything else is pretty much the same. The theme? Family, and everything revolves around that. Whether or not it is a drama, a comedy, a blend between the two, it all comes down to family ties and family conflicts, and I wonder why the screenwriters haven't committed suicide yet. The thing is that the general public are not going to be bored out by that idea. In fact, they are probably going to love watching another round of family drama because, well, they relate well. The general public doesn't like to watch a bunch of caucasians run around a mysterious island in the middle of the ocean, or another bunch of caucasians goofing around in an office. They like to watch people fight, argue, make fun of each other, fall in love, in places such as living rooms, coffee shops, and whatnot. All day, everyday. 

Perk number three: job opportunities. You could turn ugly if you have a pretty face, or you could stop doing stupid things in public. Your subsequent albums may not measure up to your first and, let's face it, you are in decline. That is how it works overseas, but apparently not in Singapore. It doesn't matter too much if you are older, uglier, smarter, or less talented. You are always going to have some kind of job waiting for you to do, just approach your agent for possible job opportunities. Celebrities in Singapore are busy people, really busy. They have something for them to do all the time, and it is a wonder how they get time to themselves at all. Every celebrity can act, sing, host, endorse, and do death-defying stunts every once in a while during charity shows. So Mediacorp has this bunch of lousy, subpar scripts to film, and what they do is to pick a couple of actors and actresses off a not-so-long name list and then have them play the roles. If your name doesn't get selected, you really have to wait about a month before you get your own role. While you are waiting, you can do any of the following to earn some quick bucks. 

You can host a random television show or some road shows, the latter happen pretty much everywhere in Singapore. They are pretty brainless anyway, all you need to do is to read from cards, introduce certain products, drink caffeine filled coffee to make yourself high before the show, and look pretty on stage. Easy money, a sure win. Another thing you can do is to involve yourself in charity shows, the kind that involve you doing some stupid and/or supposedly death-defying stunt to urge Singaporeans to donate. It happens all the time anyway, there are thousands of people out there just waiting for donations every single day, and all of them are going to need your help in doing something stupid on television. You could try to swallow a sword, jump over five children while you are on a bicycle, jump through a ring of fire, eat twenty marshmallows in five minutes, walk on a cable in between two buildings, or all of the above to increase the dramatic effect - at the same time. Even that monk could get famous by putting himself in a giant tank of ice, and he got pretty famous after that for appearing on television whenever there is a worthy cause. Of course, he ended up in court lately for personal usage of charity funds, but that's besides the point. 

Or, you could try to endorse something really stupid and have your picture plastered everywhere in Singapore. Bus stops, MRT stations, newspapers, magazines, you'd see your face everywhere next to the most boring products, and it's not like they usually hire very good photographers either. We are not talking about diamonds and jewelries, though some celebrities here do get the privilege every once in a while. We are talking about bird nests, hair growth solutions, certain brands of rice, 7-11, or the Ba Kwa during Chinese New Year. Yeah, remember those strange looking advertisements of various celebrities during Chinese New Year, gently holding up packets of dried pork and then staring into the camera lovingly. Is it just me, or do advertisements like that on television make me cringe uncontrollably almost every single time. And they are not just on television, they are pretty much everywhere in Singapore during Chinese New Year, and it can get very irritating indeed. As if their blank stares on television isn't bad enough, they have to be in bus stops as well. You can change the channel on the television at least, can't say the same about the ones in bus stops. Sure, you can always turn away. But try to have someone whose eyes are bigger than your face, stare at you in the corner of your room. I rest my case. 

The last thing you could do if you are desperately in need of money as a celebrity in Singapore, would be to be a part of those cheesy music videos during Chinese New Year. I wonder why it seems like such an obligation to play those horrendous music videos with those equally horrendous songs on Chinese New Year, and I also wonder if they are ever going to update those songs, or are they just going to recycle them every single year like the National Day Parade theme songs. Seriously, the horror has to stop, and it is not helped by the celebrities dancing and jumping around in a music video, lip-synching to stupid lyrics about firecrackers and new clothes, all the while dressed in bright red and pretending to be high and happy. This is probably the most desperate stage of your career, and do it only if you are really tight on cash. It might not get you a lot of money or respect, but it is money at least. Just be prepared to act stupid in front of a camera for a whole day, and be humiliated every time the music video shows up in between scheduled programs on television. 

So yes, if you are willing to be a part of subpar drama serials with less than mediocre writing, if you are ready to risk your life for the cancer and kidney patients, if you are ready to tackle humiliation by releasing the one and only album in your life and then appearing in retarded music videos, you are so ready to be a star in Singapore. Sure, you can always argue that Fann Wong made it to Hollywood, and Adrian Pang as well. But let's examine these two Mediacrop celebrities. Fann Wong had quite a substantial amount of screen time in Shanghai Knights actually, but how many people actually remember her as the woman playing Jackie Chan's sister after the film went off screen? Adrian Pang was in Spy Games with Brad Pitt, and yes I am not kidding you. But his character probably appeared for about five minutes before Brad Pitt was arrested and thrown into a Chinese prison. So yes, this career could get you very far in your road to stardom, but not that far away from nothingness, either.