In Continuum.

I think the Taiwanese tourism board ought to change its slogan from "Touch Your Heart". Not only does it contain a glaring grammatical mistake (I think it should be "Touches"), it induces a gory imagery from Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom that involves an evil witch doctor digging his fingers into a man's heart. It's like the line from the Backstreet Boys' song that goes "Now let me show you the shape of my heart". It's not exactly a very nice slogan, but I suppose I get where they are coming from. Singapore's tourism board uses the slogan "Uniquely Singapore", and I suppose there are things here that are, well, uniquely Singapore. For one, you don't see motorcycles on expressways very often in other countries, and you certainly don't see a lot of other countries with horrifying pictures of dead babies on cigarette packs. Another thing that I find uniquely Singapore is the stubbornness for taxicab companies to lower their fares, despite gas prices dropping like a cannonball. In view of this absurdity, this entry shall be dedicated to finding out just how expensive a trip on a taxicab can be in Singapore, something that makes it so very unique indeed. 

I always wonder about where the taxicabs go to when they are not out there on the road. I'm sure there is a place that they go to when they take a break, though I'm not exactly sure where. Other than waiting in long lines at the airport in the middle of the night, I'm not sure where else they could disappear to. I reckon that they gather in an underground dungeon with other taxicabs, like some kind of cult with candle stands all around and a lot of chanting. After all, these taxicabs are like vampires, drawing blood not from our veins but from the folds in our wallets. They take away our plastics one by one, and you have no choice but to pay your dues as well. Taxicabs are really vampires dressed in varying colors, depending on the type of car you are in. Yet, it doesn't really matter in between companies, they all have fares charged so high that you'd probably be able to buy your own car with frequent enough rides in them, given a period of time. Which is also why I always imagine these drivers going into the hills and then worshipping this Lord of Taxicabs, giving to him a percentage of what they have earned in the day, and perhaps miscellaneous items found in the backseat of their cars. After all, only religion has the ability to take in that amount of money, and taxicab companies seem to be catching up real fast. 

I believe I have blogged about these tyrants of the road before, a little over a year ago when they first started to hike up their prices. Well, that was when gas prices were sky high, and you kind of see where they are coming from for the most part. But gas prices have fallen drastically over the year, and yet you don't see a sign of these vampires adjusting their prices as well. As if they are not dangerous enough on the roads, now they are taking away your lunch and dinner money as well. My frustration with taxicab companies was reignited on a long ride home from a friend's place, during the peak hour and being stuck in traffic. Given, I really shouldn't have took a cab that evening, but I was just so dead beat by the time I left the house that I just wanted a ride home in a comfortable car. Yet, I completely did not expect the charges to be twice the amount of what it'd usually take from that place to my own home, something which caused me to conjure up evil thoughts in my head, in a dozen different scenarios involving a dozen different torturing tools. I took my mind off that thought and focused on the taxi rates pasted on the car door, and you really don't know how expensive a taxicab ride can be until you read these numbers. 

So here's the thing, I am trying to figure out the optimal situation whereby a taxicab driver would get the most out of the poor passenger. You know, you have the standard taxi rates, the advance bookings, the peak hour surcharges, and location surcharges, and all those stuff. They really do add up in the end you know. I am trying to find out the most amount of money they can rip off of you without traveling a single meter after pick up. Here it is: If you get a limousine cab from the airport at the stroke of midnight on the eve of a public holiday, you are gonna have thirteen dollars and eighty cents slapped on your face before the cab moves. Limousine cabs are more expensive than normal cabs, and the basic rate is $3.20 the moment you step inside the car. Now, being picked up at the Changi Airport is a tricky thing, because location surcharges apply, and you get another $5 slapped in your face just because you waved for a cab at the airport. Public Holiday surcharges apply here as well, and that is another $1 on your cab fare before the vehicle begins to move. Of course, we also know that midnight charges apply for such a ride, and anything from the stroke of midnight to 5.59 A.M. is eligible for that rate, so that's 50% of the metered fare. So there you go, the most expensive cab fare without moving a single inch - $13.80. 

That is not to mention current bookings, how could we forget? Depending on the time, current booking may cost you different amounts of money. However, it is more straight forward with limousine cabs - $8, on any day at any time. Now, by "current booking", I am talking about you picking up a phone right now, and calling for a cab to come to wherever you are to pick you up. That is what they'd call a "current booking". "Advance booking", however, is another round of horror altogether. Advance booking is kind of like having your own personal rides in your desired location, at least half an hour in advance. That is to say, if you want a taxicab to pick you up at this hotel in two hours, your charges are no longer under the "current booking" category, but the "advance booking" category. That also means that it'd cost you a whole lot more if you want this kind of services, especially when it is a limousine cab. $5.20 for normal cabs, and a whooping $16 for limousine cabs! You must be an idiot to have an advance booking at the airport, so we will leave that out of the equation for now. Let's say you want to flag a limousine cab in an hour's time at midnight, from the CBD on the eve of a holiday, you are in big trouble. Let's have a recap at the initial surcharge combination I presented above: 

Limousine cabs ($3.20) + Midnight Surcharge (50%) + Changi Airport ($5) + Public Holiday ($1) = $13.80

With advance booking, however:

Limousine cabs ($3.20) + Midnight Surcharge (50%) + CBD Surcharge ($3) + Public Holiday ($1) + Advance Booking ($16 for limousine cabs) = $34.80

Of course, under normal circumstances, nobody would be stupid enough to do such a stupid thing. But I am just saying, that these taxicab companies are capable of getting that much money out of you, if the circumstances are just right. They are truly vampires, or perhaps even scarier in the sense that you cannot drive a stake through their hearts and kill them. They are always lurking somewhere in the roads, always trying to find different ways to charge you more than they should. In times like these, especially during a time when countries are going bankrupt, you really have to wonder if these people have any sense of apathy at all. I curse you, blue vampires! Be gone!