In Continuum.

I suppose I am lucky enough to say that I have someone to go to on this special day, if I choose to. The truth is, though, there is an agreement between myself and the significant other that we do not need a commercialized holiday to assure each other of our feelings. It's cliche, and it is banal, in our opinion. She's right about Valentine's Day though, about how strange it is that we need a day to remind ourselves that we love each other. It's like love is this object that we keep inside a closet for the most part of the year, and then we take it out for that one day just to let our significant other know that "Hey, I still have it". But it is OK if you keep it in the drawer, tuck it away, let it gather dust and spiderwebs for the rest of the year. It's not that the people who celebrates Valentine's Day are forgetful, or negligent, or cannot be bothered for three hundred and sixty-four days of the year. It's just that when you put so much emphasis on this one day, at least to me, it just makes it somewhat pretentious in my opinion. I suppose I probably wouldn't be able to bring myself to believe anything my partner says, if she were to reveal her feelings to me only on this one day, of all the days in a year. It'd be a hard sell, despite the presents and the dinner, the flowers and the atmosphere. 

So, that is why she is spending this day with her family and I with mine. My father is in Taiwan dealing with his brother's funeral, while I am helping my mother catch up on the Oscar nominated movies, one at a time. It feels like a normal day, like any other day, and I like it that way, I suppose. If not for the news reports on television of couples French kissing in Taiwan to win prizes, or the red hearts printed in newspapers with every jewelry advertisements, I'd not have noticed that today is supposed to be Valentine's Day. Like every other festive season, this day has been diluted to a combination of expensive dinners, overpriced roses, generic whispers, and naked boy angels with a bow and arrow. Even with a partner this year, I don't feel a special need to want to celebrate this occasion. It's not because I don't want to spend the extra money, to go through with the planning, to want to make her especially happy on this day. It's just that we are not programmed to gather our feelings into one day. We kinda spread it out over the days and the weeks and the months, a little bit of this and a little bit of that every once in a while, without a need for some special occasion to do something nice for each other. She sew a soft toy for me, out of no reason at all for no special day to celebrate. She did it because she wanted to, and I still feel incredibly in debt and guilty for some reason. But I feel that it is a good thing, a good kind of guilt, if you know what I mean. 

You see, I don't want to receive a gift and feel like I was supposed to receive it, you know? That is probably the mentality of most couples on this day, if they put as much emphasis as those couples on the streets with their flowers and their teddy bears. They'd wake up today, thinking that they are supposed to receive something from their partners, that it is supposed to happen. When he does give you something, you feel good about it, and you tell him that you love him very much. It is as if everything becomes scripted, and you are just going through  line after line after line. First you go to dinner, then you go to a park, then you exchange the presents and then you say the words that you are supposed to say. Step one, step two, step three, and scene. It is over, it is done, and you won't feel much by the end of the day, or at least by the end of the next day. I don't want to end up like that, you know, predicting and knowing that something is going to happen, that it was supposed to happen. That is how we take things for granted, kinda like how we know that every time we take a breath, air rushes into our lungs and we get to live a while longer. We take the gifts for granted on this day, like we take air for granted on a daily basis. 

I like that sense of surprise and guilt somehow, when someone tells me that he or she is buying or making something for me. I like to know that I am humble enough to not expect something from someone, even if they are supposed to do so. I want to know that my mother doesn't have to make a meal for me everyday, or that my girlfriend doesn't have to buy me something on Christmas, on my birthday, or even on Valentine's Day. So when I do find out that she is buying something, making something, taking the time to slip something into my hands, I'd be pleased and thankful for the gift. It just makes it that much more special, I suppose, rather than knowing that I was entitled to have it, just because I am the "boyfriend". As much as I hate the guilt at times, I suppose it drives me, in a way, like it does with a lot of people out there. It could become a sense of motivation, you know, to want to be better for somebody else. I don't want to end up like one of those petty partners who'd throw a hissy fit just because the gift isn't good enough, or that the dinner was overpriced and subpar. I want to be appreciative, and I want to know that such things do not come by easily, at least not for me. I've never known myself to be particularly good in the field of love, and knowing that I am with someone right now - that is enough. 

But not everybody can be as lucky as me today, though. A lot of people are going to feel a sense of self-loathe for some reason, knowing that they are single and still single for the twenty-something time in his lifetime. There are some people who has yet to know how it feels like to be attached on a day like that, and then there are some people who are already sick and tired of planning something especially for this special day. For the former group of people, the sight of gift cards and a walk down Orchard Road is going to make you feel worse about yourself. Sometimes, you might feel like you don't want to be reminded of your solitude, you might feel like you are unloved and unwanted. The truth is, though, nobody ever said that you can't be good to yourself on this day, or to your friends who are in the same situation as yourself. A bunch of friends coming together on this day because they do not have a date doesn't necessarily mean that they gathering needs to be sad or pathetic. It could still be fun, like how I had my fun last year when I was very single, and very available. I spent my time last year at April's, talking about our deepest secrets over one of the greatest board game I have ever played. With no partners last year, I still felt, in every way, loved. 

I can imagine some people I know now, sitting in front of their computers and brooding over the fact that they are alone, yet again, on this day. They may not acknowledge it, but they know it deep inside. I know, because I was one of those people who'd publicly blog about such things, to let the world know about my thoughts in regards to my solitude. It was my way of dealing with things, and I am sure it isn't a method that is unique to myself. The truth is, I feel, that there isn't a point in feeling that way for the most part. Instead of thinking that nobody is ever going to want you, I suppose it'd be easier to go out and create opportunities for yourself, you know. I am not talking about speed dating services or online dating, because that may not be a thing for everybody. Honestly, I don't even think that it is my cup of tea, no matter how liberal I may seem to my friends. But I am talking about friends, or friends of friends, just meeting new people for the most part. But you'd ask yourself, what if we get rejected in the process? Well, you don't have to give her a chance to reject you, you know. By that, I mean you don't have to go out there and look for potential partners, because that entails an expectation, and expectations usually lead to disappointment. How about just somebody to socialize with for starters, just a person you look forward to talk to every now and then. No rejections, no expectations, no regrets. Just friends, it's simple. 

I think Valentine's Day is only miserable if you want it to be miserable. It's all about perspectives, as I have recently learned, different ways in which you could look at things. You could see the couples on the streets and think about how lonely you are, or you could look at them and think about how great it is to be single. You know, you get to spend all the money on yourself and yourself only, and you don't really have to go through the trouble to find out what she wants and what she doesn't want. You don't have to go through all the bickering, the arguments, and all those things that happen when you put to people together for an extended period of time. There is a reason why there are a lot of people who are still very much single - it could be a choice, you know. So, it is all about perspectives, and whether or not you want to see yourself as being miserable. Of course, it may seem easy for me to say such things, considering the fact that I am with someone right now, and that it is easier to say that it is OK to be single. Well, I was there for twenty-one of all the Valentine's Day that I have ever lived through, twenty-one versus just two. I've spent most of my life without a Valentine, so I suppose I am more than qualified to tell you that it is perfectly OK if you are spending it alone. 

If you still cannot seem to get over the fact that you are alone in front of the computer right now as you are reading this, think about it this way - a lot of things could go wrong on a Valentine's Day, and ruin the day for everybody. Like, a diarrhea because the dinner served was not fresh, or an allergic reaction to peanuts. Maybe the car breaks down, the park you decide to go to is infested by mosquitoes, or you get robbed. Anything could happen on a well-planned evening, and everything that could go wrong, could go wrong. By being at home and with yourself, you have rid yourself of the responsibility to please somebody other than yourself, and all the other troubles that come along with you. You please yourself and yourself only, and that's the beauty of it all. Or, if that isn't convincing enough for you, check out the following video. It could happen to you:

A Very Special F*#king Valentine -- powered by Cracked.com