In Continuum.

Immediately after ending that last blog entry about the summer semester coming to an end, I soon realized that it also meant the end of my education here in Singapore. Well, the education is still going to carry on elsewhere, but I know I am never going to work with my usual group of admirable people again. Actually, nothing is certain at this point, and I feel like there is still a very real possibility for me to take up a minor, for example, or to go for further studies after some working. This is not the end of all ends, but merely a temporary one at this point in time. I sat in my chair and thought about the implications of it all for a while, and I started thinking about how it all started and how far we've come from there. It has been a really fast ride for the lot of us, two odd years and we are already towards the end of it all. I know this course was probably advertised to us as an express course of sorts, with the summers taken up as actual semesters to quicken our eventual graduation date by a full year, it was an offer that we all took up from the very beginning. Yet, with the end of this course in sight, I'm sure that I am not alone when I say this - I wish that college life would last a little longer than this. The truth is, though, I haven't enjoyed school more than I have with all the people around me at school right now.

It is a strange point in time to be standing on perhaps, the point where I am on the brink of something big. You know about the Buffalo trip and how I am leaving for it in less than two weeks. On top of that, I suppose one of the scariest things, or saddest things, is the fact that I am not coming back to more times spent with my friends. I have been taught since young by a pessimistic teacher from high school to never invest too much emotions into the classmates that I meet along the way. He doesn't believe too much in friendships, and he never appears in yearbooks and staff photographs at all. He was a loner in the school, but he was also in charge of bringing out the best class in a batch every year. So the school kept him around, and I remember him telling us that friendships and relationships tend to act as a distraction at our age, and that the people we meet today are going to leave us sooner or later, because that is how the phases of life work. They are like passengers on a bus, he says, and some of them get off at different stops, leaving you behind. It isn't supposed to be depressing, he wants us to know understand the nature of how human relationships work. In a way, that is the truth, and I have always been mentally tuned to expecting people to leave me. No expectations, no disappointments. Then, of course, you come to the end of a long summer.

I remember being somewhat nervous about meeting my new friends back in the summer of 2007. In between the first orientation and the end of my army life, I had a little bit of time to regain my composure, but the idea of a new social life with people was still pretty daunting for the most part. After all, I haven't actually had a social life for two years at that point, with the friends I made in the army not considered. I mean, we were more like colleagues who hung out with each other for five days a week or more, which felt somewhat strange. My life in junior college didn't exactly end off well, and it left a nasty taste in my mouth after that. If there is a phobia for engaging in social life all over again, I probably had a mild case of it in the summer of 2007. I've never considered myself to be particularly unsociable, though that is not to say that I do not get uncomfortable in an unknown crowd either. I do all the time, and the idea of throwing myself into an orientation and then forced to socialize with people all over again was somewhat daunting to me. I wasn't comfortable with that idea, but I went there with an opened mind for the most part. So opened, that my friends later told me that they thought me to be crazy for all the wild mannerisms I engaged in on the first day. At least, with that, I earned myself the friends that I have today.

I think the friends that I made on the first day made the transition easy, and also made school fun. The words "school" and "fun" never appears in the same sentence unless there are the words "is not" in between most of the time. Yet, with this group of people, school became something that I actually looked forward to. I remember the days in high school when I'd not want to go to school, but I'd be forked out of bed anyway and then squeezed into my school uniform. In junior college, I had a very real inertia of going to school because everything about that school sucked to me. The people that I met were strangers on a street (for the most part), the subjects made me feel small and insignificant, and there was absolutely nothing for me to look forward to back in those days. It was one day after the next, the day after that day, and then the weeks that followed after that. I just wanted things to end, but not this time. This time, with this batch of friends, I never wanted things to end with them at all. We all had a deadline in mind, because we knew it was all coming to an end. It is different from the colleagues that you work with, because there is a very real possibility that you'd know them for life. Friends that you meet in school, like the words of my pessimistic high school teacher, there is bound to be a day when you part ways with them.

That time is right now, on the edge of all things major, the summer has just ended. I suppose the full impact of that has yet to hit me yet, but I am sure that it will. Right now, since I've only just had the last paper with them yesterday, it still feels like a weekend to me, and that I'd meet them in school all over again by Monday. However, I know in the back of my mind that that is not going to happen, and that the only reason why we'd be in school together would be to graduate, or to sell old textbooks or something. It feels somewhat depressing to know that in Buffalo, I am going to miss out on a lot of things that will be happening in school. Then again, the majority of my current friends won't be around school at all, with some of them following me while the others, leaving school for their jobs in the workforce. We are all growing up now, all breaking out from our cocoons and trying to find a place for ourselves. It is difficult to stomach that at times, and you just feel like you want to cuddle up within yourself and remain in the same place for a long time. This is a very comfortable period of time in my life, with my friends being wonderful and my girlfriend being awesome. We will meet again whenever we want to, and it really only takes a phone call or two to confirm a date. But in truth, we won't be students in the same classroom any longer, you know? So I want to take this opportunity to say a little something to the people from college that I have made so far.

Jeremy - Hey Jeremy, or "Jialat" as I love to call you. In terms of ideology, I don't suppose two people can be further apart than you and I. We've had numerous disagreements in the past, though thankfully most of them has always been for minor issues and other trivialities. However, you've always been the guy to look to whenever the lot of us have problems at school somehow. A gathering never happens without you around, because it just wouldn't seem fitting for some reason. You've always been the dude who knows when to have fun, and the dude that knows when to get down and bury your head in the pages of your textbook. Thanks for always be the driving force behind a great many things in my college life.

TingTing - Hey TingTing, there isn't much that I need to say to you at this point in time, since I will be going over to Buffalo with you. But since I am doing this little confession thing with everybody, I might as well throw your name in. You've always oozed an air of composure around you somehow, no matter how much internal struggle you might be going through. The recent events of going over to Buffalo have shocked you into a severe case of hyper-ventilation, but that is very much an isolated event altogether. You've always been the calming voice amongst many of us, especially for someone like Sarah who is usually the voice that goes crazy. I do admit that perhaps in many ways, it'd be great to have known you better if not for the fact that you'd frequently disappear after class just to go home to grab some sleep. That is not to mention the numerous times when I'd point out to a random classmate in class that you're dozing off due to a sleepless night. I suppose in more ways than one, you are endearing to all of us in your own unique and special way.

Janis - Hey Janis, behind your back, I call your head a "stupid head" a lot, and I don't know why. Still, amidst our many disagreements in a great many things, I've come to embrace and enjoy your frankness in terms of everything in life. Your spontaneous reactions to everything can sometimes be the root of the funniest things that I have ever heard, including that time when you screamed "My breast!" when someone accidentally graced it. At any rate, more than being a great source of laughter for me, I truly respect the way that you remain true to yourself, and how you almost always have a goal that you put your mind to. I admire the way that you are always trying to save for something that you want, and I completely agree with the thing you said about that person getting a camera and a flash thing - I get it. By the way, I do consider your skills in photography to be one of the best in my social circle, and at the end of the day it really doesn't matter what camera that person has. It always comes right down to the photographer, and you are a pretty good one if I do say so myself.

Sarah - Hey Sarah, one-third of the founders of the Felicia Sexpress, you are pure gold. I suppose comparing you to your favorite color must have boosted your egos a little bit, but let's just say that you have deserved all the ego-boosting there is. Other than minor episodes in the past, you have always been a big part of why school has been so fun for the lot of us. I mean, you sit there in class at eight-thirty in the morning and waiting for it to start, and the last thing you want is to have someone stroll in with a long face. Then in comes Sarah, and never will a conversation border on the vicinity of boredom when you are around. I love the way you are naturally this way, and then there's the side of you on your blog that reveals so much more about you. You make us happy by being happy, and it isn't something pretentious that you try very hard at. I think you are happy even in your bone marrows, and I love that about you.

Joyce - Hey Joyce, you haven't been with us for a while now, and you've seriously missed out a big chunk of summer semester with the lot of us. Yet, our hearts and minds have been with you throughout, and we immediately think about you whenever somebody makes a verbal blunder on things. There is a certain presence that is missing since you've been gone, and I suppose it is that constant target of much jest within this little social group of ours. Yet, for the most part, those jests were made out of love and affection, and it's just our way of showing how much we love you as a friend. Like TingTing, I don't suppose that I am in a rush to say much to you at this point in time, and maybe I am just saving it for the farewell at the end of our stay in Buffalo. Still, I suppose the dynamics we will get there is going to be dramatically different from the ones that we got from you. In the words of Felicia, we all miss you very much. Thanks for being the little light of joy and warmth in the chaotic nature of things.

Nurul - Hey Hud... I mean, Nurul. If you ask me right now why I have been so mean to you, I'd not be able to give you an answer. Still, it isn't something out of malicious intents, and I hope you know that by now. Your little presence is always felt in a big way around us, and It's been great to have shared so many classes with you, and how we suffered through Bob's public speaking class together. Truth be told, I've enjoyed a great many conversations with you, though a lot of them ended mostly in arguments and debates about the most random things. I suppose I love the way you are always up for a debate or a talk, even if you may not necessarily feel like you are the most qualified person to confide to as you've mentioned on your Twitter. I enjoy a good conversation with people, and with you it is in ready supply for the most part. Amidst all the jokes, I hope you realize that I really only do such things to a very specific and selected number of people. At this point in time where I am probably never going to do the same again, allow me to just say a big thank you for being such a good sport about a great many things, and that I do admire you for the capacity that you have for my bullshit.

Barney - Hey Barney, I'd never have guessed that the silent and loner girl at the back of the class would eventually evolve into the beast that you are today. OK, the word "beast" would be slightly inaccurate, but I suppose you represent the other end of the scale in our social group, if Joyce represents the polar opposite from yourself. The choice of including you in our project group in the first semester was completely arbitrary, and I remember how awkward we were when we approached you to do a little photo shoot in the corner of the school. Anyway, like Janis, I've enjoyed your presence tremendously with your big talks and fearless retorts. You are perhaps one of the greatest contributors of in-group slangs in our social group, including the word "sheddup" (I'm pretty sure I got the spelling wrong) and the famous upward point with the curled finger. Thanks for bringing your smartness and dry wit to every possible situation there has been.

Felicia - Hey Felicia, I think in terms of contrast, you are probably the person that I've gotten to know the best. By that, I mean you weren't exactly the person that I thought that I'd bother with on day one of orientation - no offense. I certainly didn't think you to be suffering from some eating disorder like a certain individual, but I certainly did not expect myself to know you as well as I do now. Anyway, for the many times that we have been stuck in traffic on a highway or just a smooth ride to school, we have talked about and experienced a great many things, including the pile of cat that we saw at the flyover the other time. Anyway, it is interesting, in retrospective, to think about all the things that have come to pass, and to realize that you have come to know someone the best when you least expected it. More than the free rides to school, you have been a great bitching buddy, and always there for me to bitch and whine to in class or in cars. The truth is that everybody needs somebody like you in their lives, someone to unhinge and let loose to, even if it is a random scream in the car. I'm glad that my presence in your car didn't initially end up like that other person who had a ride in yours a few months ago. Thanks for all the car rides, and being the great lady friend that you are.