In Continuum.

A Consolation

It's a rather pathetic way to begin and end one's birthday.I mean really,this is not how the way you usually go around celebrating,but that's the way it is.It starts with midnight,collecting the SMSes that come along with the day itself.They come together,the day and those messages,and to me they seem to be the best and most precious way of celebrating one's birthday.

Like any other year,messages came in from midnight all the way till 8pm the day after.I read every single one of the messages,and try to reply to all of them,one by one.But for some reason i never got anywhere further than mere "Thank You",or "I appreciate that".Really,for some reason they just dont seem enough,ever.It's pathetic,the way i see myself,but i treasure these messages so much,to a point it's rather sickening.But oh well,perhaps i am exaggerating.

A rather strange message came in from my parents and aunt.I mean,they dont usually do that,but this year for some reason they did.Guess the fact that my age officially starts with a "2" made them do that.I mean,two bloody decades is SOMETHING,i guess.It marks the beginning of yet another decade to walk across with my bare feet,and the fact that i am so bloody old makes them feel good about themselves i guess.That's just being morbid,but then again i do feel rather old with each passing message.

Anyway,my mother tried typing something in English,but the grammar was bad and stuff.I didnt understand why she wanted me to do what she sent,but then again like all the other messages i replied,i appreciated her effort.Dad sounded really drunk when he typed whatever he typed,and my aunt sounded hysterical with the crazy caps turned on all the way through the message.That was rather rare though,which made this year's SMS collection rather unique and special.

Amidst all the SMSes flying around to my phone,i was in secret hoping for her to send me a message.I mean,it's nice to have her remember your birthday,the way i remember hers.It's nice,right?I dont know,i was just being foolishly hopeful perhaps,hoping that she would message.An anonymous SMS came by and i was so excited to find out who that person was.For a moment i thought this is it,that's her.But it wasnt.But it turned out,like some consolation prize,that it was Ruishan.I mean,out of the blues,out of nowhere this girl that i used to be crazy over sends me a SMS to celebrate my birthday.It was rather strange,and upon reading the fact that it was her i was more confused that surprised.I mean,we havent talked to each other for ever,not even on MSN.The last time we talked,she dialed the wrong number on her bloody handphone.It was funny,the way we laughed it off,but still i wonder why she did whatever she did.I figured,either she was really bored or she was really bored.Either way,i wonder if that stupid kid back in 03 freaked the hell out of her in canteen.I sincerely apologise for that Ruishan,and my lousy dance steps during the couple dance.Seriously,i never meant to step on your shoes the way i did,really.

So that was a sort of consolation,as the seconds ticked down to midnight,the end of my birthday.She didnt send anything,or did any other anonymous SMS come by afterwards.I turned off my handphone,thinking about Ruishan and her,how like some consolation prize from above she decided to drop me that touching message.It sort of meant,in a way perhaps,that i made some kind of impact on her in some ways,or at least i think i did.It's pathetic to think of it that way,but what how else can i explain it?

Thanks for the messages,friends.No matter if it was expected or unexpected,they were all deeply appreciated,and i cant thank you guys enough for remembering.You dont know how much it means to me,being morbid and insignificant to myself.Cant love you guys enough.