Whore
Friday, July 07, 2006
Whore
Something i read in John Updike's "Marry Me",something i deem fitting for this special day on the calendar.It marks seven months from a certain agreement,and i wonder if speaking to you back then made you,in any way,a whore.That's a rather cruel thing to say,but then again if you think about it,i guess you probably did.You probably did.Perhaps not a whore,but something else entirely?
Hey, Sally?
Yes, Jerry?
How was it? Was it so bad?
At times. But you were right, i knew that. You were very clever that day to know what i really wanted, I thought I wanted the opposite.
I wish I hadn't been so clever. I wish you had really wanted me.
I did, I do. I do have you, like the sea has Orion.
But they're gods, and we were very simple, as you once said. We were caught at being human. It was a matter of children, mostly.
No, I'd like to think that, it's kind of you to lie to me. But if it hadn't been the children it would have been something else. It would have been Ruth. And if Ruth hadn't reacted like she did you would have found another way. You wanted to keep me pure.
That's it, isn't it? You'll always be pure for me now.
Not always, darling - you don't like me to call you 'darling', do you? You never did, you thought it was phony. I never knew what to call you, and when you used to fill me I wanted to much to have the right name for you that I said nothing.
You should have said something. Anything.
I felt shy.
You?
Yes.
And now, how do you feel? I feel dead.
I'm still very shaken, but it's less bad. I'm not yours any more. You should know that. After a while I'll probably get bitter about you and hate you because you humiliated me, and then that will go too, and i won't care either way very much. You'll be my ex-lover and we might even be friends.
Sounds awful. Awful.
Women try to be like men, Jerry, and imagine things, but in the end we're all practical, we have to be. You must go on alone.
No. I don't believe you. I loved you because you believed what i believed. There was a place I went to with you.
Any women in bed will take you there. There's no place darling, but right here, here and now, with Richard and Ruth. Love Ruth, Jerry. Now I must stop talking to you, because people will say I'm a whore.
Something i read in John Updike's "Marry Me",something i deem fitting for this special day on the calendar.It marks seven months from a certain agreement,and i wonder if speaking to you back then made you,in any way,a whore.That's a rather cruel thing to say,but then again if you think about it,i guess you probably did.You probably did.Perhaps not a whore,but something else entirely?
Hey, Sally?
Yes, Jerry?
How was it? Was it so bad?
At times. But you were right, i knew that. You were very clever that day to know what i really wanted, I thought I wanted the opposite.
I wish I hadn't been so clever. I wish you had really wanted me.
I did, I do. I do have you, like the sea has Orion.
But they're gods, and we were very simple, as you once said. We were caught at being human. It was a matter of children, mostly.
No, I'd like to think that, it's kind of you to lie to me. But if it hadn't been the children it would have been something else. It would have been Ruth. And if Ruth hadn't reacted like she did you would have found another way. You wanted to keep me pure.
That's it, isn't it? You'll always be pure for me now.
Not always, darling - you don't like me to call you 'darling', do you? You never did, you thought it was phony. I never knew what to call you, and when you used to fill me I wanted to much to have the right name for you that I said nothing.
You should have said something. Anything.
I felt shy.
You?
Yes.
And now, how do you feel? I feel dead.
I'm still very shaken, but it's less bad. I'm not yours any more. You should know that. After a while I'll probably get bitter about you and hate you because you humiliated me, and then that will go too, and i won't care either way very much. You'll be my ex-lover and we might even be friends.
Sounds awful. Awful.
Women try to be like men, Jerry, and imagine things, but in the end we're all practical, we have to be. You must go on alone.
No. I don't believe you. I loved you because you believed what i believed. There was a place I went to with you.
Any women in bed will take you there. There's no place darling, but right here, here and now, with Richard and Ruth. Love Ruth, Jerry. Now I must stop talking to you, because people will say I'm a whore.
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on Friday, July 07, 2006 at 10:28 PM.
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