In Continuum.

Finding Osidius

Guilt.Even now,back at home,though still in the same clothes,with a strand of grass sticking out of my shirt,i still feel that way.I know,even right now as i am typing this word,we are talking over MSN,and you are telling me how it was time well spent,despite not having studied for the rest of the night.I still see the questions in that Economics books on the table,with the questions inside waiting for you to complete.But because i was there,they were left undone.What if a question pops out from there during the exams?I would be responsible,wouldnt i?The only reason i am going to be comforted,is if you ace your subjects for the upcoming tests.But for now,i shall swear to you...

I'm never going to accompany you on your studying sessions anymore.

I am too big a distraction,i really am.And the sad thing is,it's not even because i am in any way,attractive.All i did was to read a fantastic novel,drink White Chocolate Latte,fold a paper seagull,draw pointless drawings on your foolscape and talked about the rain in the Coffee Bean.I was such a distraction to myself,and i felt bad about it.So yes,promise to do well,yeah?Please,or it is going to eat me up from the inside.

It was nice,to wander off into the half empty bus stop,and to take a bus at random to a place we both knew nothing of.As the bus passed out of Kovan,we were totally oblivious to the destination of ourselves.The bus emptied slowly,leaving just us on the bus,and the driver himself.We were in Punggol i believe,though i am not sure.I remember the large empty fields the last time i went there,the new HDB buildings and the LRTs.The both of us were lost,lost together as the bus rumbled on.But it was nice,wasnt it?To take a random bus to a place unknown,getting off when we see a desired spot.Sure,the bus was coming to the interchange and i was dumb enough to press the bell,but you smiled then.And i didnt feel half as stupid anymore.

The only light came from the interchange,though the white lights werent enough to take over the darkness of the fields that surrounded it.The bridges overhead,the LRT tracks,were silent and haunting for some reason.We crashed through the bushes,felt the grass dry under our fingers.We wandered through the field into the middle of it all,the rest of the town in the distance,with their lights blinking like the distant stars above our heads.We were as far as possible to civilisation then,in the middle of nowhere,and we certainly felt that way.

I had the urge to lie down,and so we did.Facing the moon,with our bags under our heads,we looked up into the night sky and tried to spot stars.They were so faint and so little,so far away and cold.I wondered if they were still in existence,or if they were merely remnants of the past.The clouds hanging high in the sky next to the moon,forming a shape of a falling made,falling into the sky.That you pointed out,aside from the Batman sign i still dont know what you were talking about.But as you leaned towards me,your hair fell on my face.I breathed,and it was nice.You dont smell like grass,i am so sorry i commented about that.You smelled like...i dont even know what to say about it.It was nice,for the lack of a better word.You were nice.

'Show me the constellations you know.'
'Oh.Erm,i dont know any.'
'Show me which ones you know!'
'Okay,okay.Oh!There's Osidius.'
'Where?'
'Right there,see?Sort of a swoop and a cross.Osidius the Emphatic.'
'You're full of shit,right?'
'Nope.Osidius,right there.Swoop and cross.'
'Shut the fuck up!'

We didnt notice the time passing so fast.We laid there for a little more than an hour.The grass stuck into our backs,and the mosquitoes attacked.We were barefooted,with our eyes to the stars.I spotted a shooting star,but you didnt.You've never seen one before,too bad you didnt catch it shooting off right into the horizon.I found my weak spot,you really did.I am vulnerable,just as you,to poking.We wrestled on the grass,and you told a bad joke.It wasnt a BAD joke,just a bad joke,and because of that,another round of poking.Thanks,i am going to be armoured the next time.

As your wrist watch ticked down past 1130pm,you uttered under your breath that you had to go.We had our eyes closed,the grass between our faces.Your hands felt cold,and i held on to keep you warm.We heard the ticking,but i wished it would stop doing so.It felt so infinite,like the darkest night skies.Too tired to move,unwilling to leave.We pushed on five minutes by five minutes,always promising to leave,and at the same time asking each other what would happen if we just stayed there.The security guards might chase us away,the ghost might scare us off,or even the mosquitoes might suck us dry.But if i died then,if i died that night,i wouldnt have cared.Because you were wonderful tonight.

I shielded your eyes to the lights all around,to make you feel as if you are in the middle of a desert.Picturing yourself in the middle of nowhere,with the nearest civilisation miles away.And i bet,if somebody were to take flight,and take a look over the dark city at the moment,two curious figures would be in the middle of a dark field.And as strange as that image might seem,it was peaceful,and it was nice.It was beautiful,and that was how it was like,careless about the world,when ignorance was such a wonderful bliss.

There were things,that went through my head,when you slept so close to me tonight.I couldnt put them into words,and didnt know how.I wanted to say whatever it was that was on my mind,but like everything else that might happen if you stayed out too late,it didnt matter.I opened my eyes while yours remained closed.It was strange,to be right there and then,at the same time,so far away.To be this,and more than this at the same time.Perhaps,it is as good as it gets.To know that this is it,and there is only the fall to the rocks below after the cliff,no further towards the beautiful sunset beyond.Perhaps,but as you closed your eyes,your breaths slowing down gradually,as your watch ticked and you murmured something inaudible,i said it.You didnt hear it,but i said it anyway.I didnt want you to hear it,perhaps not to spoil the night.The grass,the coffee,the rain,the bus ride,everything.So i mouthed,and in my head,i was the only person who knows what i said.

I said.

This.