In Continuum.

The Great Temptation of Hiatus

There is a man,a man with messy hair that Tuesday morning,just waking up in bed to a dark and cloudy morning.This man was in singlet,he paced around the room and stared out of the room's window,welcoming the rain clouds in the distance and the seconds ticking off the clock,knowing that for the next 24 hours,the world within the compound of the camp would belong to him,and him only.

He lazed in bed for the morning,reading and sleeping the hours away.He breaked for lunch,and afterwards he continued doing so for the rest of the day,until he got tired of sleeping.His mind was blank throughout the process,dreaming of dark nights and the end of the world.His mind wandered,and his waking hours were dominated by the stare of his tired eyes in the mirror.He had no self,and he had no real conscience.He was there,and not there at all,at the same time.He was hardly ever there,and his name is Hiatus.

It's hard to break away from peer pressure.Especially after seeing so many friends(My Brain Food!!!),deciding to go on hiatus on their blogs,it was hard for me to go on on my own,knowing that everybody else is comfortable with where they are and what they are doing.It's frightful to be on a certain journey on your own,not really hating the place you are but,not exactly over-your-heels about it too.It was first Valerie,then Samantha for a while(And happens once in a while too),then Corinna,who resumed only a couple of days ago.What i am saying is,because of the numerous people around me going into hiatus on their blogs,it was tempting of me to jump right into the warm pool of mind emptiness.I struggled with that thought for a long time,and coming up with various reasons to convince myself that there is still hope in my blog,that despite the recent pointless entries,there is still a light at the end of this tunnel.

But that Tuesday morning,while in bed alone in the whole company line,with the rain pouring down outside the room,i realised just how beautiful it can be.With the blanket between my legs and the pillow under my head,the spinning fan above my head and the bedsheet fluttering at the corners of the bed,it felt great to just have my mind shut off completely,and to be careless and reckless about my thoughts.It felt great,to be ignorant of the world once in a while,because ignorant after all,is bliss.

The best ending to a great saga would be a bang.You wouldnt want to wait till the storyline is going downhill to start stepping off the stage.You want the audience to remember you for you last,brilliant act.You want to be remembered that way till eternity,till the day you decide to return to the glorious stage.But till then,before everything spirals out of control down the whirlpool of disaster,you make your way out of the pool and onto dry land,because it feels safe and comfortable here.

But i was wrong,so utterly wrong.I WAS in a dilemma then,struggling and arguing with myself,the part of myself called Hiatus.Hiatus was threatening to my inner soul,bleeding me with his sharpened knife and snarling at me with his teeth and yellow eyes.He was the materialization of the void in one's mind,the dryspell all writers are afraid of.And his best weapon,is to convince the writer that he is right,that it is okay to be in bed in the middle of a beautiful morning,feeling nothing and uninspired.

So i murdered Hiatus,one morning with something called Conscience.I dont know how,and i dont know why.But one night halfway through a dreadful insomnia,a lightning struck,and there i was with myself alone in my mind,free of Hiatus' presence and all on my own once again.It doesnt matter anymore,if i exit with a bang,or with a puff of floating dust.The point is,that this is my life i am documenting with every word,and every word is a presentation of my thoughts.I dont want,and dont expect myself to stop thinking,because that is what makes me unique,makes me special.

So here i am,on the brink of yet another start of a new journey ahead,free from the great temptation of Hiatus.I have decided to continue on,soldier on into the gathering dark.Sure,we dont know what lies ahead of us,if there will be yet another menacing individual like Hiatus,lurking in the dark corners of my mind just waiting for me to come by.But one thing's for sure: That if i take this path,the path that life decides to lead me,with my brain still intact and eyes still opened,i shall not fear.