In Continuum.

When the Haze Comes Part I: The White Room

It was dark,then there was light.It was cold,then it got warmer.I remember wondering where i was,feeling the floor with the tip of my fingers.They were smooth,chilly,and white.In fact,the whole room was brightly lid by lights from far above,with the ceiling too high for the eyes to catch the sight of.It was strange then,to see that i was in a great hall,but yet feel as if i was in a confined space,or a room of some kind.But there i was,now standing on both my feet,with a terrible headache threatening to break through the back of my head through the skull.

That was where i met Mr. Kaufman,The Gatekeeper.He was in a white suit then,and that blended in with the rest of the room.I was the odd one out,like a sore thumb or a drop of blood in a warm milk.He appeared out of nowhere,and with him trailed a cloud of smoke around his feet.He smiled when he reached out for my hand,and though i have never met the man standing before me,i felt a sort of familiarity with him.His hand was warm as i shook it,and without my own introduction he greeted me with my name.

'Hello James,' he said. 'My name is Mr. Kaufman,you can call me Mr. Kaufman.And no,i do not have a first name,only a last.'

'Why is that?' i asked.

'First names are remembered by the living,the lasts are remembered by the dead, and i happen to appear at the very end.' he explained.

'The very end?'

'Death.'

'Are you saying that i am...i am,dead?'

'Do not worry James,allow me?'

Mr. Kaufman placed his palm on my forehead,and a feeling of drowsiness overcame me.My eyes were closed,and as his fingers tightened their grip around my head i felt a jet of warmth shooting through my head,like a blast of hot air before a furnace.The cold of the white room vanished,and replaced by it was the feeling of a soft cushioning on my back,in my palms the feeling of a steering wheel,and on my cheeks the sensation of dried tears.

Rain fell without mercy,as if the Gods have unleashed arrows in the form of raindrops upon Earth,punishing the windscreen of my car.Behind the wheel was myself,trying desperately to steer through the busy traffic on the expressway.The rain formed a veil before the windscreen,and i could hardly see the red lights of the car before me,and the fact that i had tears welling up in my eyes certainly didnt help.Oh i remember,i thought.I was driving away from Victoria's.I remember now,the way she put on her bra and shirt nonchalantly,in stark contrast to the man next to her bed,stumbling on his crumpled jeans and falling on all fours to the ground.I remember asking the question why,but i couldnt recall the answer from Victoria.I remember a hurtful word,and i remember a pain in the chest.I grabbed at my tshirt,and i remember the shadow behind the bed,struggling with his wardrobe.Perhaps i chose to forget,or perhaps the pain was so great it drowned the words spoken by her.

I remember dashing out of her house in silence,ignoring the smile of the old lady in the elevator.My palms were wet,and my head was spinning with the words she just said,like the inside of a washing machine.My heart sank with the elevator,and as the door opened to the carpark,the clash of thunder above my head rocked through the night sky,and that was when the first drop of rain came down,hitting dead-on upon my cheeks.Or was that the first drop of tears,the pain of the impact reminding me of the ordeal up above?I didnt know,and i didnt care.I drove and drove,and the rain fell and fell.

The CD spinned and the player started.The sound of the singer came through the car's speakers as i drove,his voice accompanied by a single piano ran through my eardrums,piercing my heart and stamping all over the broken pieces of it.I vaguely remember the music video of this song,of the singer walking backwards through a forest and an open field,and upon that a wrecked BMW and a dead girl.I didnt know the implications,or the signs that my memory were flashing at me as i missed the UPS delivery truck by an inch or two.I was frustrated and angered,anguished and depressed.I had no control over the wheels and the voice of Victoria overwhelmed the sound of the falling rain,the words pounding upon the side of my head like a dozen sledge hammer.

Then there was a light before the car,two circles of it merging into one.It was like a tunnel at first,until a horn blew through the air.It was the on-coming traffic,and i realised that i have drove into the opposite lane.I swerved,and the car went into a spin.I saw more white headlights and then red,more white headlights and then red,and before i knew it i crashed through the barrier at the edge of the bridge i was on and was sailing through the air.There was a flash,a clap of thunder.A crash upon the rocks,and i saw my body breaking into pieces.But it didnt hurt,as water gushed in through the windows,as i watched myself dying with my eyes opened and my sense of touch evaporating with the pain of death,or was it the end of love?