In Continuum.

Janus The Anus

December is sacred,December is good.December is the month why everybody works their asses off every year,risking their heads for this bosses or their sanity for something supposedly bigger than themselves.December has a strange motivational power,the number 12.The reason to it,is that the number 12 marks the end of a cycle,a full year.You dont get anything more than that,there isnt a 13th month.12 is the end,the finish line,the destination,the holy ground,the holy month for the students as well as the office workers.Not to good for the toiling elves in the North Pole but,who cares really?Christmas presents are welcomed under our fake plastic trees.

Personally for me,December last year was the ultimate runaway for me.I admit,there was a strong and desperate sense of escapism in me.I knew right from the start of the year that the next December would be a good one,that NS was going to end swiftly as December comes.So i prayed and i hoped for the times in between December and wherever i was to pass by faster.I remember those tough times out in the field,hiding in tall grasses and bushes with cuts all over,sweat pouring down my back and face in the middle of the night,mud coated and blinded by darkness,telling and motivating myself of the coming December,despite myself being in the middle of an April night sky,with the humidity in the air reaching an all time high and nothing like the rainy,cooling weather of December.It might have been a little self-delusional i admit,but at least December got me through those times,the good and the bad times.I do appreciate December's magical powers out there in the fields,and i wonder still how the number 12 couldve had so much encouraging power over myself.

I guess what i am saying is,like the rest of the working population out there in Singapore,i myself pray hard for the coming of December throughout the year.And when we are there,we let our hair down and we dance around until the jingle bells toll,the fireworks go off and couples hug each other and kiss deep into the midnight air of the new year.That's how December should be like,a time of reflections and resolutions.All our faith and hopes were placed in that short 31 days period,and when it comes we fully immerse ourselves in it.I mean,i am sure everybody has had some form of good memory that is related to the month of December,no?

But this is the catch.What follows December,the all-holy,all-sacred,all-sorted-after month of the year is the fucked up month of January.Oh,January.Why were you even created?I know you were named after Janus,the God of the doorway,marking the doorway,or the beginning of the new year.And I know time is only relative,that the calendar was only created as a sort of guide.But it is inevitable to flip the pages of a calendar to January,and feel depressed about everything.It's like all the efforts that you have painstakingly pulled through came to waste.From January up to November,all the sweat and all the blood,everything that you've come to endure,comes to waste at the tick of a second over the last second of the year,when the world celebrates the dawning of the new year,with confetti in the air and much celebrations.

I cant help but feel that January is the mark of yet another year of tiresome struggles,more obstacles to overcome.Not that i dont welcome the challenge,but it's just that the period in December was just so beautiful and good.I remember dreaming of those days during NS,about the times in December when i wouldnt need to wake up one morning worrying about that day's activities or chores.I remember dreaming of that,and when it finally came i rejoiced,i celebrated those effortless days my own ways.But now that i am over that,and that January is here,i am suddenly plunged back to reality and reminded that there is a life i got to live,a life i got to face all of a sudden.It is like the end of a birthday parties,as the last guest of the house leaves with their last goodbye wishes,you turn around from the front door and you find your house in a great hill of utter mess.That is when reality sets in,that after the birthday party,it isnt followed by a night of heavy sleeping or sex,but heavy-duty cleaning and more of that until the wee-hours of the morning.That is what it is like now,this January-effect.Oh,I hate you Janus.And i dont care if you snap the doors shut on my fingers at every single doorway right now.I still hate you.

But every new beginning is some other beginning's end.I still have yet another December to look forward to at the end of the year.True enough,no matter how the year turns out for me,even if the predictions that 2007 will be the hottest year in human history,there will always be a December at the end of a year,always twelve pages to a calendar and there will always be a number 12.Numbers and time,they are synonymous with each other arent they?There will always be a December,there will always be hope.Though we have to trot through the pain and hurt of the rest of the year,but knowing that at the end of it all is where the comfort lies,i guess the rest of the year cant be all that bad anymore.

But still,i hate Janus.