In The Waiting Line
Monday, April 16, 2007
In The Waiting Line
Wait in line
'Till your time
Ticking clock
Everyone stop
Everyone's saying different things to me
Different things to me
Everyone's saying different things to me
Different things to me
Handshakes and taps on the shoulders, greetings and well-wishes were the common languages spoken by the people in the canteen that morning, both physically and verbally. It was the morning when we awaited our O level results, and I remember that morning so vividly because of how desperately everyone of us tried to hide our anxiety. It was the same even in SRJC where I came from that morning, with the class standing in one straight row in the car park, while the principal wished us "Good luck!" on the podium. We cheered and we clapped, but more than anything in the world we hoped for the coming of tomorrow, the next day. Because we just wanted it to be over, the agonizing wait for one's destiny. But time doesn't go faster or slower for anybody, waiting is part of everybody's life. Waiting for the next sweet taste in our mouth, waiting to die.
In primary school, I remember it was my mother who got the results for me as I was in Taiwan. She called that afternoon while I was in bed watching the television, and she told me that I scored straight As, and according to the school janitor whom she had a chat with, it was a fantastic result. I don't think it takes a genius to know that straight As is as good as it gets. But my mother was too happy to make any sense on the phone that afternoon, and I congratulated her for a son with a great set of PSLE results rather than myself, for some reason.
Do you believe in what you see?
There doesn't seem to be anybody else who agrees with me
So the morning of my O level results was no different, with the bus towards my school jam-packed with people in the same uniform, talking about our lives so far instead of how well we did for a paper or how bad. To me, that morning was more like a giant gathering of old friends rather than a day to receive our fates. At least that was what I managed to convince myself as my friends and I stepped through the school gates and down the long tarmac road that led to the school hall. It was an agonizing walk, because I knew with every step that I took, it was a step closer to my fate that awaited me behind those black metal doors.
A couple of minutes before the results were release, my English teacher Mr. Ragu ran over the grass lawn like a mad man towards me and had his arms waving above his head as if he just found Atlantis. But it was far from the lost city, but rather the lost sanity that filled his eyes as he told me my English results. "What happened? You got a C6!" I almost crumbled on the spot, and felt as if somebody poured a bucket of cold water on my head. It was raining above my head at that time, while everybody was still laughing so happily in the sun. I started counting the possible score that I would get, and everything added up to a 19 or a 20 points - at best. I panicked, and called my sister for enlightenment. "Stop worrying," she said. "I know how agonizing the wait is, but it will be over soon". I hung up the phone, cursed, and braved my results.
Do you believe
In what you see?
Motionless wheel
Nothing is real
Wasting my time
In the waiting line
Do you believe in
What you see?
Through our conversations as of late, even the ones that lasted till four in the morning, despite your constant convincing that you agree with me, I felt that deep inside you weren't convinced by yourself, and that you truly wanted this to happen in your life. I've never been a smart person, or remotely close to that. As people boasted about how well they did in class, I took refuge in the silence of the corner, slipping through the pages of my memories for the best position I ever had in class. I had a 6th when I was in primary 2, and that was probably the best position for me ever. While everybody else waved the golden flags with the number "1" on it, I waved my own white flag with a 6 upon it. I'm not ashamed, and I wasn't ashamed. Because I know that I am meant for bigger, better things in life.
I have so little knowledge about scholarships, and the process you have to go through to gain one. The questions during interviews, the statements and the essays, everything. When you told me about them, everything was new to me and I viewed upon your experiences with much fascination and wonder really. Your enthusiasm infected me, and through your words I could tell you really wanted it very badly.
Nine to five
Living lies
Everyday
Stealing time
Everyone's taking everything they can
Everything they can
Everyone's taking everything they can
Everything they can
But the truth is - you know who you are - people's feelings aren't going to change about you if you do not get it. You have a lovely boyfriend who loves you, you have a crazy sister who is equally in love with you though she doesn't show it very often, and you have a whole bunch of friends who do too. The only person's accusations you need to be worried about is the You in the future, the person who might look back at the interviews that you screwed up or the scholarships that passed you by. That You in the future is the most dangerous, because expectations and regrets take one down harder than anything else in this world, and they are also the heaviest weight to lift off your chest - even more than a heartbreak. I've sort of experienced both, so I know. Really, I do.
You have absolutely nothing to lose, because you have a whole life ahead of you, just waiting for you to start living it. Having the scholarship would be a bonus, like winning a lottery perhaps. But losing it doesn't make your life worse, because there will be other opportunities for you to make it, to shine somewhere else. You don't need to have a scholarship to be who you want to be, nor the career you want to embark in. As long as your passion exists, and your interests remain alive, there is nowhere in this world that you cannot go. Because to tell you the truth, to the people who love you, you are already the healer in their lives. Take pride in that, and never ever regret and change the person you are, for anybody.
Oh, and I'll shout and I'll scream
But I'd rather not have seen
And I'll hide away for another day
Aren't we all waiting for something to happen? Like, we are all in this life's waiting room, waiting for something to occur. Biting your nails isn't enough to overwhelm the boredom, and the person next to you is boring you out as well. The television program is on repeat, and the smell in the air becomes suffocating. You just want the moment to be over, and for 'tomorrow' to come because you are sick of waiting. But the truth is, we are all sick of waiting for something to happen, good or bad, whatever it is.
Me too, I want to jump to the next train station in my life, to begin on another journey of my own and not be on this long and dreadful ride in the carriage. But even in this waiting line, with the people in the same carriage as myself, I learned to appreciate and love them. Because these are the people in life with you, these are the people waiting with you. Treasure them, love them, embrace them. Because at the next station, somebody might stand up and leave - even you. So for now, as you wait, as we all wait in line, love. Love some more, and hope. Always, hope.
Just my two-cents worth.
Do you believe
In what you see
Motionless wheel
Nothing is real
Wasting my time
In the waiting line
Do you believe
In what you see
Everyone's saying different things to me
Different things to me
Different things to me
Different things to me
Different things to me
Everyone's taking everything they can
Everything they can
Wait in line
'Till your time
Ticking clock
Everyone stop
Everyone's saying different things to me
Different things to me
Everyone's saying different things to me
Different things to me
Handshakes and taps on the shoulders, greetings and well-wishes were the common languages spoken by the people in the canteen that morning, both physically and verbally. It was the morning when we awaited our O level results, and I remember that morning so vividly because of how desperately everyone of us tried to hide our anxiety. It was the same even in SRJC where I came from that morning, with the class standing in one straight row in the car park, while the principal wished us "Good luck!" on the podium. We cheered and we clapped, but more than anything in the world we hoped for the coming of tomorrow, the next day. Because we just wanted it to be over, the agonizing wait for one's destiny. But time doesn't go faster or slower for anybody, waiting is part of everybody's life. Waiting for the next sweet taste in our mouth, waiting to die.
In primary school, I remember it was my mother who got the results for me as I was in Taiwan. She called that afternoon while I was in bed watching the television, and she told me that I scored straight As, and according to the school janitor whom she had a chat with, it was a fantastic result. I don't think it takes a genius to know that straight As is as good as it gets. But my mother was too happy to make any sense on the phone that afternoon, and I congratulated her for a son with a great set of PSLE results rather than myself, for some reason.
Do you believe in what you see?
There doesn't seem to be anybody else who agrees with me
So the morning of my O level results was no different, with the bus towards my school jam-packed with people in the same uniform, talking about our lives so far instead of how well we did for a paper or how bad. To me, that morning was more like a giant gathering of old friends rather than a day to receive our fates. At least that was what I managed to convince myself as my friends and I stepped through the school gates and down the long tarmac road that led to the school hall. It was an agonizing walk, because I knew with every step that I took, it was a step closer to my fate that awaited me behind those black metal doors.
A couple of minutes before the results were release, my English teacher Mr. Ragu ran over the grass lawn like a mad man towards me and had his arms waving above his head as if he just found Atlantis. But it was far from the lost city, but rather the lost sanity that filled his eyes as he told me my English results. "What happened? You got a C6!" I almost crumbled on the spot, and felt as if somebody poured a bucket of cold water on my head. It was raining above my head at that time, while everybody was still laughing so happily in the sun. I started counting the possible score that I would get, and everything added up to a 19 or a 20 points - at best. I panicked, and called my sister for enlightenment. "Stop worrying," she said. "I know how agonizing the wait is, but it will be over soon". I hung up the phone, cursed, and braved my results.
Do you believe
In what you see?
Motionless wheel
Nothing is real
Wasting my time
In the waiting line
Do you believe in
What you see?
Through our conversations as of late, even the ones that lasted till four in the morning, despite your constant convincing that you agree with me, I felt that deep inside you weren't convinced by yourself, and that you truly wanted this to happen in your life. I've never been a smart person, or remotely close to that. As people boasted about how well they did in class, I took refuge in the silence of the corner, slipping through the pages of my memories for the best position I ever had in class. I had a 6th when I was in primary 2, and that was probably the best position for me ever. While everybody else waved the golden flags with the number "1" on it, I waved my own white flag with a 6 upon it. I'm not ashamed, and I wasn't ashamed. Because I know that I am meant for bigger, better things in life.
I have so little knowledge about scholarships, and the process you have to go through to gain one. The questions during interviews, the statements and the essays, everything. When you told me about them, everything was new to me and I viewed upon your experiences with much fascination and wonder really. Your enthusiasm infected me, and through your words I could tell you really wanted it very badly.
Nine to five
Living lies
Everyday
Stealing time
Everyone's taking everything they can
Everything they can
Everyone's taking everything they can
Everything they can
But the truth is - you know who you are - people's feelings aren't going to change about you if you do not get it. You have a lovely boyfriend who loves you, you have a crazy sister who is equally in love with you though she doesn't show it very often, and you have a whole bunch of friends who do too. The only person's accusations you need to be worried about is the You in the future, the person who might look back at the interviews that you screwed up or the scholarships that passed you by. That You in the future is the most dangerous, because expectations and regrets take one down harder than anything else in this world, and they are also the heaviest weight to lift off your chest - even more than a heartbreak. I've sort of experienced both, so I know. Really, I do.
You have absolutely nothing to lose, because you have a whole life ahead of you, just waiting for you to start living it. Having the scholarship would be a bonus, like winning a lottery perhaps. But losing it doesn't make your life worse, because there will be other opportunities for you to make it, to shine somewhere else. You don't need to have a scholarship to be who you want to be, nor the career you want to embark in. As long as your passion exists, and your interests remain alive, there is nowhere in this world that you cannot go. Because to tell you the truth, to the people who love you, you are already the healer in their lives. Take pride in that, and never ever regret and change the person you are, for anybody.
Oh, and I'll shout and I'll scream
But I'd rather not have seen
And I'll hide away for another day
Aren't we all waiting for something to happen? Like, we are all in this life's waiting room, waiting for something to occur. Biting your nails isn't enough to overwhelm the boredom, and the person next to you is boring you out as well. The television program is on repeat, and the smell in the air becomes suffocating. You just want the moment to be over, and for 'tomorrow' to come because you are sick of waiting. But the truth is, we are all sick of waiting for something to happen, good or bad, whatever it is.
Me too, I want to jump to the next train station in my life, to begin on another journey of my own and not be on this long and dreadful ride in the carriage. But even in this waiting line, with the people in the same carriage as myself, I learned to appreciate and love them. Because these are the people in life with you, these are the people waiting with you. Treasure them, love them, embrace them. Because at the next station, somebody might stand up and leave - even you. So for now, as you wait, as we all wait in line, love. Love some more, and hope. Always, hope.
Just my two-cents worth.
Do you believe
In what you see
Motionless wheel
Nothing is real
Wasting my time
In the waiting line
Do you believe
In what you see
Everyone's saying different things to me
Different things to me
Different things to me
Different things to me
Different things to me
Everyone's taking everything they can
Everything they can
This entry was posted
on Monday, April 16, 2007 at 12:57 AM.
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