In Continuum.

So Much Beauty



They say that as a person grow older, his sense of hearing would grow weaker and weaker. I've seen that happen to my grandfather, who used to sit right in front of the television and the volume turned all the way up just to listen to the news better. The sound was so unbearable that the lot of us would leave the room just for silence and serenity's sake. My grandfather walks really slowly, and that usually comes with old age. You start to walk a lot slower, you start to take more careful steps, and the world around you is suddenly speeding by so fast. But I always believe - and it is true - that with one sense gone, the others would be heightened naturally.

When we are young - like how I am now - we are always moving forward and forward. Always seeking life's next train station, looking for the next pit stop and forgot about the thing we need in life sometimes: A breather. But when we get older, despite the fact that we will be OLD, we will find a lot of time at hand in relative to the times when we are half our age. They say that young people never have the time to notice the beautiful flowers growing by the pavement, or the way an army of ants would cross your path. Only when you are old, will you realize these little details in life, and then you will find that there is so much beauty in the world, even in the most insignificant of things.

I took the picture of my keyboard above, because I just realized the importance of the keyboard in my life. Some of you must be going "Oh my god, he is going all mushy over a keyboard", but that is how I feel anyway. This is the tool of my emotional refuge, it's like the vehicle that fetches refugees to their camps from war zones. I go out there and battle my enemy called Life, and most of the time I end up half dead in the war zone, with my rifle out of ammunition, battered and torn. But then through the mist comes the vehicle of my rescue, to take me to a safe place. To be treated, to be healed. That is what the keyboard is like to me, this tool that I use to vent my frustrations and angers, sadness and depressions. Because I'm not good with spoken words, at least not nearly as good as typed ones anyway. Here, in this white box I find that I can express my thoughts the best, the way I type and type ceaselessly without the need of much thinking process or planning. People might go "Oh, you are such a good writer" or, anything along that line. But I think it has something to do with this box, this keyboard that I am using too. Throw me a foolscape paper and I might just turn into one - too.

My very first keyboard came in the form of a typewriter. Before the computer was very advanced or widely accepted, my house had a typewriter. My mother used that for her office work, and from her room we would hear the sound of the typewriter tapping away on the blank piece of paper. What started as a slow hiccup-like tapping sound like the sound of a drizzle, soon erupted into a rainstorm. My mother learned fast on the keys despite the fact that she wasn't so good in English. And being fascinated by the inner workings of the typewriter, my mother gave me a piece of paper one day and asked me to write a story.

And so I did, based upon my favorite set of toys: Mighty Max. It was a four page story about Mighty Max's journey to the dragon island with his sidekicks, and then meeting the evil monster who was attempting to take over the world. In a way, that was both my first contact with the keyboards and also my first in writing. I remember drawing a front cover for the 'book' and was really proud of it, though the thinness of the book reminded me more of a brochure or leaflet of some kind. I lost the book, in drawers or cupboards, stuffed up somewhere and gathering the dust of time. Who knows? It might be worth something, someday.

I prefer the keyboard to writing, simply because of the time it takes and the efforts involved. There was a school bully whose name I cannot remember, that made fun of my hair when I was in the hall assembly one day. Unable to take his insults, I turned around and confronted him in the middle of the crowd, only to be spotted by the discipline master on the stage who called us to the front after school ended. Despite my explanations and that bully's admittance, we were both asked to copy the school motto a thousand times on pieces of paper, and were asked to hand them up before we go home. So I stayed there to write and write, all the while cursing his accursed name. I remember the pain between my knuckles after it ended, and the way my arms remained sore even a day after the incident. I swore off writing long passages, and the habit or love for writing died.

So thankfully for the keyboards saved that. It helped me to learn about how the little things in life can accomplish so much. Without these little buttons, I might be left in the corner to mope by myself all the time. Like the way Ricky Fitts is able to be intrigued by a flying plastic bag in the wind, I guess not everybody is meant to understand what I just typed about. In fact, I don't even know what the hell is so fascinating about a plastic bag in the air. But the truth is, I think we all have to take some time in life to realize our little details in life, these so-called everyday things might just mean an Everest to us somehow.

Above the "Up" arrow and just below the "End" button, there is a warning sticker stuck to my keyboards. It says "WARNING: Some experts believe that the use of any keyboard may cause serious injury. Consult statement on the back of this keyboard". But I'm sorry to say, whoever that printed this little sticker or came up with the idea to warn us users, that I am probably not going to stop anytime soon at this passion of mine. Writing, or rather typing, is going to live in me like the cells in my blood until the day they stop running. Even if my hands do suffer from injuries in the future, at least I know this one thing: I never gave up on a love because somebody thinks that it might do me harm.



Ricky Fitts," It was one of those days when it's a minute away from snowing and there's this electricity in the air, you can almost hear it. And this bag was, like, dancing with me. Like a little kid begging me to play with it. For fifteen minutes. And that's the day I knew there was this entire life behind things, and... this incredibly benevolent force, that wanted me to know there was no reason to be afraid, ever. Video's a poor excuse, I know. But it helps me remember... and I need to remember... Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world I feel like I can't take it, like my heart's going to cave in."

--- American Beauty (1999)