Stop
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
Stop
It's 4.09am, what the hell am I doing here?
Stop.
You don't need these thoughts at this hour of the night, you need to stop moping. Diving back into old graves you dug with your own bare hands is not going to help with anything. The skin on your fingers are peeling off, the nails chipped off and they need time to heal. Thinking, is not healing.
Stop.
The word coward does not apply to you just because you used those words to cover up just how broken and hurt you were. Self-defense, it was all part of self-defense. There is nothing cowardly about it. Whatever happened to that confidence? Whatever happened to that pride?
Stop.
You need to sleep. As much as you need to blog about this, you really do need to sleep. Think about something else, if you really need to think. Think about the imagery you were telling your mother about Sigur Ros' songs. Think about the courses that you will be taking in a new school. Thinking about the new lifestyle. Think, but don't dwell. You don't need the past, you don't need it. So do this one thing, do yourself a favor.
Stop.
And fall asleep, at least for now, leave everything behind. Do something silly, say something stupid. Make yourself laugh, they go further than a good cry. They work better than slamming your face in the pillow, or cursing into the bedsheets of a familiar name. Smile, laugh, sing, do something silly. Do it once, and then do it again. And then tell yourself the next time it happens again, do this one thing.
Stop.
Stop, before you drift too far back. Before you are back at the crossroads, the one you left behind. Tell yourself it wasn't worth it, and it isn't worth it. Because as little as it means to love now, it means even lesser to hate. Breathe, breathe some more. That is life you are breathing in, now fall asleep and wake up to tomorrow.
Stop.
It's 4.23am. What the hell am I doing here?
Stop.
Stop it.
Stopped.
It's 4.09am, what the hell am I doing here?
Stop.
You don't need these thoughts at this hour of the night, you need to stop moping. Diving back into old graves you dug with your own bare hands is not going to help with anything. The skin on your fingers are peeling off, the nails chipped off and they need time to heal. Thinking, is not healing.
Stop.
The word coward does not apply to you just because you used those words to cover up just how broken and hurt you were. Self-defense, it was all part of self-defense. There is nothing cowardly about it. Whatever happened to that confidence? Whatever happened to that pride?
Stop.
You need to sleep. As much as you need to blog about this, you really do need to sleep. Think about something else, if you really need to think. Think about the imagery you were telling your mother about Sigur Ros' songs. Think about the courses that you will be taking in a new school. Thinking about the new lifestyle. Think, but don't dwell. You don't need the past, you don't need it. So do this one thing, do yourself a favor.
Stop.
And fall asleep, at least for now, leave everything behind. Do something silly, say something stupid. Make yourself laugh, they go further than a good cry. They work better than slamming your face in the pillow, or cursing into the bedsheets of a familiar name. Smile, laugh, sing, do something silly. Do it once, and then do it again. And then tell yourself the next time it happens again, do this one thing.
Stop.
Stop, before you drift too far back. Before you are back at the crossroads, the one you left behind. Tell yourself it wasn't worth it, and it isn't worth it. Because as little as it means to love now, it means even lesser to hate. Breathe, breathe some more. That is life you are breathing in, now fall asleep and wake up to tomorrow.
Stop.
It's 4.23am. What the hell am I doing here?
Stop.
Stop it.
Stopped.
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on Tuesday, April 10, 2007 at 4:08 AM.
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