In Continuum.

An Inside Look Part II

Due to popular demand, the entry concerning quirky individuals in my school is back again, and this time with amped up sarcasm and cynicism - hopefully. In the last attempt, we examined the various interesting individuals such as the Clueless, the Judge, the Pink-Colored Horrors and the Idiot. Now, this time we will have a whole new different set of characters and hopefully, we add some fun and laughter to my ever withering blog in terms of cheer.

I have been in this school for almost a month now, probably a little shorter than that truth to be told. But it is enough time to observe and be irritated by the acts of certain individuals. I mean, there is a certain limit of just how idiotic you can get in front of a bunch of strangers, and sometimes these people have total disregard in that respect. Sure, what do I know? I am a stranger, I know little about these people. But let's just say that I am sure they are nice, responsible, tax-payers. But there are times, when their idiocy can really get on the nerves of people. Let's kick things off now with an old friend, revisited.

The Elephant Man Strikes Back

The Idiot in the last post also refers to the Elephant Man. At least that is the official name for him right now, ever since his pathetic attempt at being 'funny' in front of the class. Like I said before, there is a difference between being funny in a stupid way and being stupid in a funny way. This guy proved once again that he is neither of the above mentioned but rather the exact source of such stupidity. Words can never fully describe just how unfunny and ridiculous this man allows himself to be, and the initial condescending laughter are reduced now to ear-piercing silence. Which is the most fitting way to receive his jokes really, because to make any hints of appreciation to his humor would be injustice to the word 'humor' itself.

I am not sure if I am just out of touch with the world of humor, or am I the only one to find him incredible lame and unfunny. Somebody needs to slap him in the face and tell him that he should shut the hell up before he embarrass himself even more. His group of friends - the Overdressed Gang - should have somebody stick masking tapes around his mouth every time during lecture, to save the world from his idiocy and give some peace to us all. And before I go on with the so-called 'humor' he brought to the class after the last entry, this is the common reaction to his presence near our table.

You will first sea Felicia and Joyce bury their faces in their palms or arms, then they will start groaning under their breaths. Next, they will be repelled by a mystical force coming from him, which will cause the chairs under our butts to start spinning. This gravitational phenomena is only sustained inside the lecture hall only because of the presence of the pulling forces of the Vortex, but I guess we've already covered her before.

So, during the COM101 lesson a few days ago, we were asked if there were any foreign students in class. A girl raised her hand and told the lecturer that she is from China, and somebody else raised his hand and told her that he is from Indonesia. And of course, when it comes to questions like that, Elephant Man HAS to get his head into the heart of things. And it is not like he does it with class, with humor, or with anything worthy hearing in the first place. The moment he raised his hand, people started rolling their eyes already, while the others crumbled under their breaths behind me going," Not again"

He's always eager to share his words with the class though, you can see the sparkle in his eyes almost every time the lecturer directs her attention to him. Anyway, so she looked at him and was surprised to know that he was supposedly from another country, since he looks really local. So she went," You are from another country? Where are you from?" Lo and behold, the reason for the piercing silence that ensued.

"Hawaii."

There was a resonating silence, nobody groaned this time, or made any sound to discredit his joke. People were apparently too tired of his jokes, and everybody cared little about what he had to say. It was an utter waste of time, and certainly not contributing to the class in any way, any more. Sure, in the past he provided a kind of comic relief in the sense that, everybody wanted to hear just how stupid he can get, because he was constantly able to create a new low for himself. But as of late, nobody cared for what he has to say anymore. And with the word 'Hawaii' uttered, people lost all respects for that guy. I didn't know they have elephants in Hawaii, how interesting. Probably some forgotten species in a lost valley, you think? Oh yeah, remember the Sultan of a village? You must be the Sultan of that village in the lost valley, dominated by a bunch of little people. And they all worship you because you are bigger relatively. No, not because they find you funny. I'm sure uncivilized people appreciates good humor, in which you have none.

The Mother of Boredom

I have met many teachers in my life, there are the ones who are capable of captivating his or her students, and make them look forward to your classes, even if you are going to talk about something as dry as say, desert landforms. I remember Mr. Clarence Yeo coming into class one day with a giant storybook for children, and it was a book about shit - different kinds of shit - and the class had a good laugh out of it in the morning. Then there was Mr. Tan, who was such a good teacher to me that he managed to prove that adding 1 to 1, it doesn't always give you a 2. I am still very much impressed by that, but I have lost the piece of paper I wrote that equation on. Damn.

And with the balance of the universe, with that kind of interesting teachers, there will always be the kind of teacher nobody likes - even amongst the other teachers. There was a female chemistry teacher that taught us during my upper Secondary days, and she was just a temporary teacher because our original teacher was having a maternity leave or something. Anyway, the moment she stepped into class, she brought along an aura of death about her, and to say that it was an aura of death isn't exaggerating at all, since the class started failing the chemistry tests subsequently. The focus here is not about her, so we shall not go into details as to why we all disliked her with a raging passion. But let's just say that she stalked my English teacher due to her infatuation. Imagine that.

Anyway, let's give a minute to the Mother of Boredom. She is my COM101 teacher, and there is a difference between a good teacher who is boring, and a bad teacher who is boring. She is definitely the latter, because I find that her lessons are not only boring, they do not make me feel more appreciative of the subject of communication at all. I'd say that Mr. Ng - my JC Geography teacher - was boring in a good way. I mean, he didn't have a lot of jokes to share with the class, nor did he make attempts to liven up the spirit of the students admittedly. But at least he taught well, and made us feel genuinely interested in Limestone landforms, plateaus and other aspects of geography. But this teacher, she is probably the polar opposite of Mr. Ng when it comes to the field of boredom.

She just doesn't seem to have the 'want' to be a good teacher at all. She drags her bulky body around the school all the time, and she does the same scrambling down the stairs in the lecture hall with her plastic bags full of new notes. But to say those papers are notes would be an insult to the nature of notes themselves, because they provide a little more to nothing in terms of contents. If you are going to use her notes to study for her quizzes, then you are better off studying the Koran if you want to ace your Bible Studies lessons. Because really, the notes she provide are so skeletal in nature that they are not skeletal at all. Certain aspects of the textbooks were completely omitted from the notes, and if you do not read the textbooks yourself, you are going to miss a lot of critical points.

Also, she digests and regurgitates whatever that is in the textbooks. Which is interesting because, we are not paying good money for our education just to have somebody at the front of the class to tell us things that we can read in the books ourselves. In fact, the books give a better explanation about certain concepts than herself, placing emphasis through bold letters and underlined sentences. She has a monotonous voice, and any topic from the winner of American Idol to the properties of Communication and the definition of Perceptions can sound the same in terms of her tone.

So this is when the little pocket knife that I have kept with me since Secondary School come in handy. I am ready to poke my eyeballs out and then stab my eardrums with pencils soon, because that is how boring she can get in class. But that'd be stupid, since I paid good money for her lessons. So whenever the Mother of Boredom is at the front of the class teaching, I'd be at the back doing readings in the textbook and making notes myself, in total disregard of her lessons. In trusting her, I failed the first test actually. In trusting myself, I aced the second one. So you see, when she asked us why we failed the first one so miserable, I had the burning desire to pull a Spartan trick and jump out of the crowd and shout "YOU!"

I heard that she was petitioned off her previous two campuses. Seems like the rumors might be true, after all.

The Overdressed Gang

There is a certain tradition in my school - it seems - to overdress. Don't get me wrong, I see no problems in coming to school dressed up, to look presentable and probably attractive - that's fine. In fact, I have heard of rumors before I got to this school that this is where people really spend time before school starts, to put on make-up, to take a lifetime to pick out today's wardrobe, and to prepare themselves even more than what they should be doing with their school work. At this age I guess, there is a little vanity in everyone.

But there are people who go overboard with this aspect of the school tradition. The Overdressed Gang has that name not really because everybody does this, but just two of them really. The others are dressed fine in my humble opinion, but the other two guys can get a little bit overboard with their dressing, especially when you are in school for a 1.5 hours lesson and then the next thing on the timetable is to go home at 10 in the morning.

Imagine coming to school in the morning, seeing one of your course mates dressed in a bloody trench coat. Yeah, the kind of long coat Neo wore in The Matrix, the kind that reaches just below your knees. You start to wonder if you walked into the wrong dimension, or if you woke up in a parallel universe with Singapore's weather suddenly changed to one with four seasons. Because really, the moment I walked into the school compound and saw that guy in the hot sun wearing a trench coat, I wanted to laugh my head off. And funniest part was probably how he thought he looked anything but odd, standing in the middle of friends wearing t-shirt and shorts.

Then of course, one of his group members - coincidentally the Elephant Man - does the same over-the-top thing as well. He comes to school in one of those woolen vests they wear in British Boarding Schools, and then to top everything off, he goes around the school with a fedora on his head. For those unsure of what a fedora hat is, go to Youtube and look for Michael Jackson's You Rock My World video. He wore that to school, and I heard a girl behind me whispering to her friend "I have the urge to tear the hat off his head then jump on it till it disappears"

It makes you wonder if these people have any other plans after school at ten o'clock in the morning, and if everyday is an occasion worthy of some sort of celebration. It's not like our classes end at 10pm and you are going to the club right afterwards. It just seems like everyday is either National Day Parade, Chingay, or some kind of holidays worthy for a fancy dress up. It just gets over the top at times, and it is downright laughable too. A fedora and a trench coat, it doesn't get any more ridiculous than that.