In Continuum.

U.F.O.

The breath of the morning
I keep forgetting
The smell of the warm summer air

Everybody has stared up into the night sky for hours, trying to count the stars peppered into the black wallpaper, and the stars in between them. Imagining yourself lying on a heal of molecules, and then you start to picture just how big you really are. If the nuclear of an atom is the size of a football, then the electrons that circle the nuclear are revolving at an orbit the size of a football stadium. And this supposed football stadium can't even be seen by our naked eyes, which goes to prove just how big we are to the rest of the world. However, if you change to a different perspective and compare yourself to the vastness of outer space, it becomes a little daunting somehow, a little frightful all of a sudden. The universe is expanding at the speed of light, and new planets and galaxies are formed all the time, beyond the reach of our telescopes.

Other than the beauty of those twinkling stars, we tend to think about the darkness in between them, untouched by their radiance. At least for me, it is inevitable that my mind would stray to the lands of a distant planet, with civilization just like our own and aliens flying around in flying saucers. The big question about space really isn't about what is beyond the milky way, or the last planet in the Solar System, but rather this: Is there life out there? Ever since humans discovered the planets out there in space, we've always wondered about whether or not we are alone in this vast space of vacuum. And let's be honest here, either answers can be a scary thought - if you know what I mean.

I live in a town
Where you can't smell a thing
You watch your feet
For cracks in the pavement

As a child, I was infinitely fascinated with the space, and especially in extra-terrestrial lifeforms. My parents were the wisest people I knew back then, and even they didn't know much about what laid beyond the stratosphere. I forced them to buy books for me in the past, books that were related to aliens and spaceships, and my favorite movies were mostly sci-fi and action related. Being an avid fan of aliens in the past, it was a must-watch for me when they showed Ridley Scott's Alien for the first time on television, and I thought it was actually a documentary some astronaut filmed in outer space. The thought of human eating aliens scared the living daylight out of me, and I dreamed about those aliens crawling under my feet on an abandon spaceship for the next three weeks or so. My first true encounter with an alien was in my dreams, and it didn't end on a high note at all.

In books however, the aliens portrayed were totally different. Instead of sharp claws and fangs, they looked somewhat like humans, but a little different at the same time. They are naked most of the time, and they have eyes bigger than a computer monitor. Their heads are usually huge, probably to accommodate their brain, and their limbs are tiny in relative to their heads. Tucked between those hand drawn pictures of aliens were pictures taken by humans from Earth, of mysterious shapes and lights in the skies that were never fully explained by scientists around the world. Hundred and thousands of sightings have been reported over the years, but none of them have been proven to be real flying saucers from a civilization other than ours. Still, people believed in the existence of those little green men, and craved to one day photograph the same amazing pictures with more definitive evidences.

Up above
Aliens hover
Making home movies
For the folks back home

From then on, I become obsessed with the existence of aliens and flying saucers. I read more and more books about them, and each shadowy shape of an U.F.O became the medium of my seamless imaginations. I'd picture windows in those flying saucers, aliens driving inside and looking down on humans with their curious big eyes. I had a dream once after falling asleep in a pile of those books, about one of those aliens visiting me from the other side of the bedroom window. The multi-colored lights filled the room and made it seem like a disco, with the lights spinning round and round until I was on the verge of being hypnotized. Then an alien stepped out, and it had tentacles for fingers. It opened my window and stepped in with a laser gun, and he slowly carried me into the flying saucer. I was terrified then, and I remember calling out for my mother back then. I told her about people who wanted to kill me outside the bedroom window. All she said then was," We live on the 19th floor, they must be aliens to be able to climb this high."

The dream was too real for comfort that night, and the next morning was a day of transformation. At that age, a lot of kids had role-playing games with themselves. Some were knights with white shiny armor, while others were samurai warriors from the Meiji era. I was - at a point in time - McGuyver's sidekick. Anyway, I switched roles to being an alien investigator, and I needed a false name to act under, in case I get abducted by aliens. I went with the name of Agent OP, and roamed around my estate to catch pictures of aliens in the sky with a pair of binoculars hung around my neck most of the time. Neighbors saw me and chuckled under my breath, but I cared little about their ignorance. After all, one good alien picture would be able to earn me a million dollars, and I'd be able to get the last laugh at the very end of it all.

Of all these weird creatures
Who lock up their spirits
Drill holes in themselves
And live for their secrets

They're all uptight
Uptight...

But the searches were most of the time in vain. I did however, try to catch those alien sightings with the worst drawings possible for a nine year old. I remember the first time I caught sight of 'space ships', they were sighted on the way back home from my tuition class over at May Chong's. I was stepping out of my mother's car when I saw three green shapes hovering above the estate just next to ours, and they were looking very suspicious and threatening for some reason. I exclaimed to my mother about their existence, all the while shouting," UFO! UFO!" My mother played along, and addressed me as Agent OP for the rest of the night.

The next couple of sightings were in Taiwan, and they all happened within the same holiday trip back. The first one was spotted on an expressway home from my grandmother's house, and I was jumping up and down in the backseat, all the while trying to jot down the sightings on a piece of paper. The third time it happened was when I saw a ball of fire - literally - in the sky right before our dinner. We were traveling down this long stretch of road, and there it was in the middle of the sky, falling with a trail of fire behind. Once again, Agent OP leaped into action and noted down the sightings - since I didn't have or knew how to use a camera. I was proud of my reports, but everybody else just laughed. I told them that they didn't understand the importance of the research I was doing, and they laughed even harder.

I wish that they'd swoop down in a country lane
Late at night when I'm driving
Take me on board their beautiful ship
Show me the world as I'd love to see it

In retrospect, those lights that I saw above the opposite estate were probably just giant search lights, or security guards playing hide and seek on the rooftops. Even the latter now seems like a more probable possibility than extra-terrestrials visiting the tiny island of Singapore. Those lights that I saw on the expressway were probably the lights from an airplane, and the fire ball was probably a crashing satellite of sorts. They could have been a million other things rather than an alien spaceship, and it was perhaps the craving to see them that drove me to those rather ridiculous conclusions. In truth, I probably never saw anything more than the tricks of my eyes, and they worked so efficiently on my young mind back then.

A couple of days ago, my mother bounced in the room like the time she found my kindergarten school shorts, and revealed to me a tattered piece of paper. Torn on one side and the ink already faded a little, my childish handwriting could still be seen. The pictures even had an index finger pointing to the sky at strange shapes passing by, and that really tickled my laughing bones. It was embarrassing to see my childhood catching up with me like that, but it was a pleasant surprise anyway.

I'd tell all my friends
But they'd never believe
They'd think that I'd finally
Lost it completely

I miss those days of utter innocence, when running about with a pair of binoculars was normal for a child like myself. Try doing that now, and people are going to think that there is a geek on the loose, and SPCA might be alerted to throw a noose about my neck. The truth is, with ourselves growing older one second at a time, we see the past leaving as well, one step at a time. With our maturing; with our growing up, we sacrifice our innocence, and those harmless stupidity along with it. Somewhere down the process of growing old, we tell ourselves just how much we miss those days - like the way I held that piece of tattered paper in my hands and smiled from ear to ear. Times have changed, and I am no longer interested in UFOS - though the big question mark is still pretty much there.

I still dreaming about flying away from Earth, still dream about life from the other side of space. But they are no longer about man-eating aliens or the ones that abduct humans for scientific experiments. To me, there is something else out there just waiting for us to find out sooner or later. It is going to be a perfect society, a place that we'd never want to leave once we reach there. Heaven, probably lies at that end of space, a place so away that we are going to reach it with the end of our lives. Till then, I am going to admire the stars from where I am, and continue to wonder about the question about aliens while listening to Radiohead's Subterranean Homesick Alien. This is Agent OP, out.