In Continuum.

The Favorite Question

You know how autograph books are, they are meant to be silly. I suppose an autograph book pretty much worked like Friendster, or Facebook these days, a page with your own personal information, while the other pages consists of your friends' profiles, and then their messages for you, wishing you all the best for the upcoming examinations, your future endeavors, etcetera. Amongst those who bothered, there's be a column especially for 'Good friends' and 'Best friends', and you'd be lucky to have your name appear in the 'Best friends' list. Those were the days when friends were easily quantified, because it was so easy to point out who was whose favorite person, who was whose most hated person in class. Brandon probably topped the list of "Most Hated Person", simply because of his black uniform (It is supposed to be white), and the way he smelled back then. As children, it was so easy to qualify somebody, to say this and that about people because our views were so linear, so straightforward and simple. As we grow up, it becomes hard to say who is our favorite person, or if we have a favorite person at all. To be honest, such a question scares me something, and I try my best to avoid qualifying my friends like that.

I was watching through a series of videos on YouTube yesterday, and a video made by a certain user called 'Mememolly' caught my attention. She didn't look particularly special on first viewing, just another American teenager trying to make a video blog about her life. The way her bleached hair fell on either side of her slightly plump face and the banks that ended in a straight line just above her eyebrows, nothing particularly fascinating about her I must say. However, the entry by her was about a philosophical question that she thought of one fine day, while watching a documentary or film of some sort, I cannot recall. She asked the viewers the question she asked herself a dozen times over, and it was the 'Favorite' question that has been in her mind ever since she conceived it. The question is: Are you somebody else's favorite person? A subquestion would be, do you have a favorite person yourself?

This question rolled about in my head like a droplet of rain would on a leave after the rain. I thought about it last night before I went to sleep, and I must admit that question kept me awake for quite some time, and I just laid there and thought about it to no end. I came to a conclusion that saddened me a little, but came to terms with as soon as that conclusion was conceived. The truth is, I don't think I am the favorite person of anybody. I don't think anybody is going to say my name, if they are asked the very same question, because there are just so many people in each of our lives these days, the intricate complications within our interpersonal relationships. It is hard to say that this person is my favorite, and not ignore or overlook somebody else's intricate relationship with yourself. I feel that such a question becomes even more difficult to answer as one grows older, when one loses that innocence and simplicity of a child.

A lot of the answer depends on the context of the word 'favorite'. A lot of interpretations can come out of the word 'favorite', though the basis of the question is pretty much the same. There can only be one person in any context, but the problem is that there are too many contexts, and thus too many people to choose from. If we are going to call 'favorite' as the person you like to spend time with the most, then it is probably going to be a friend of yours you go to when you are extremely bored. If your definition of a favorite person is the person you go to for your emotional problems, then that person you go to for your emotional problems is going to be your favorite person. However, I feel that there is this other definition for a 'favorite person', and that is the person you are most willing to take a bullet for, both literally and figuratively. Depending on your own definition, there are so many people to name, and it becomes so difficult to give a definite answer.

I don't think I can even tell you who I enjoy spending time with the most, because I enjoy myself pretty much with everybody I meet. There are also the people I go to for emotional issues, but then different people give me different opinions, and that makes it even hard to pick a favorite. If I am going to pick somebody whom I am willing to take a bullet for, then I am going to take the safe route out and say my parents. But at the same time, who am I willing to take a bullet for amongst the two, that is another difficult question to answer altogether. I mean, to say that it is one of them is going to offend the other I'm sure, and not saying that it is going to be your parents just gives you a bad light altogether. It is so confusing to drown yourself in such questions, and some of you must be thinking just how incredibly ridiculous and bored I can be at times.

With that said, I don't think I have a favorite person in my life, in any context. Different people have different aspects of them that I adore, and to put those aspects together would naturally create my favorite person in an imaginary form, yes. However, that'd be like putting together various body parts of different celebrities to create your dream girlfriend, and there is just something about that that is rather disturbing, in my opinion. I'd have to dissect my friends like that, to put them into various categories and say," I think you are my favorite in this category". I wouldn't want to feel like an employer, picking his employees and seeing who fits into which position the best.

Coming back to the original question, I will be honest here. I am not the favorite person of anybody in this world, for sure. I was never the kind of kid that asked my parents, which of their children is their favorite. I never battled with my sister over my parents' likings, because they really loved us pretty much in different ways. I don't suppose it'd be easier for my parents to answer this question, and I certainly am not in the position to say that I am somebody else's favorite person. I know, it doesn't really matter if you are somebody's favorite person or not, just as long as you are not somebody's most hated person in the world, I suppose. It doesn't matter if you are the best, because there is nothing wrong with being the second best. But then again, there is always that sadness in the realization, to know that you are not anybody's favorite person - no matter how trivial it may be at the top of someone's list.

I think as far as I try to be the best person to everybody, I can no longer be somebody's one and only. I mean, I am really just that other guy you go to, just that other guy you have fun with. Let's face it, I am rather dispensable in the context of a social group, and the existence of me really matters little to the level of fun you can get, or the level of emotional support. There is always that somebody else to replace my position, no matter how much you may try to justify my existence. I mean, especially for those who has just gotten to know me this year, I'm sure you've been living comfortably without my existence for the past eighteen to twenty-one years. I am falling into what I called the "Schmidt Syndrome", derived from the film "About Schmidt". Warren Schmidt looks back into his life in his late sixties, and realized that he hasn't really made an impact to the life of anybody in particular. Eve his wife pretty much sees him as part of the furniture collection at home, and his existence is as far as it goes.

It's just that sad knowledge of how you've never made an impact, not even a small crater in anybody's life. I don't think at this point in time, I have made an impact in someone else's life at all. Perhaps in the negative way, but not great enough to be named 'the favorite'. I am not a favorite person of anybody, and I have already come to terms with that. It is a little depressing to learn that for a fact, but I guess I can handle it. It'd be better to know that you aren't somebody's favorite person, than to have somebody lie to you about it blatantly in the face. Truthfulness over dishonesty, any day.