In Continuum.

There is always a sense of wasted effort at the beginning of every year, something which I must have also mentioned at the beginning of last year. You know how we've all been desperately waiting for the end of the year to come, and we work our heads off towards that last day because...Well, we don't really know why. It just seems like a good destination for all the work you are doing throughout the year. It gives meaning to all the bullying from your boss, all the late nights spent at projects and assignments, and of course the times spent just idling away in your bedroom because time passes faster like that. The end of the year just feels like a good reason to do all those things, as if the last day would return something back to you in a box wrapped with nice shiny paper. If there is such a thing, it certain did not arrive at my doorstep the moment the minute hand struck twelve last night, and my friends certainly did not receive anything at their doorsteps, either. The truth is, it just feels like we've all been working for nothing in the past year, everything has gone down the drain. We are back in square one, it's a brand new year for you to work your head off - have fun.

So this is the new year
And I have no resolutions
For self assigned penance
For problems with easy solutions

Some people elected the way of drowning themselves in alcohol in the new year, some others might have thought that being shoulder to shoulder with 150000 people at Marine Bay yesterday to catch the fireworks was a romantic and memorable thing to do. They obviously haven't thought about the hangovers in the morning, not to mention the problem of going home from Marina Bay after the fireworks. Picturing the traffic jams and the people all pushing and shoving to get themselves into the train gives me the chills. I am thankful that my friends have the same sentiments as myself, which was why I had a little countdown gathering - not party - at my place last night. Complications arose, and we had to shift from our original venue to mine, and it was all very impromptu and last minute. So food were bought, cabs were taken and cartons of drinks were bought just so that we could have a decent gathering at my place. We weren't expecting to do much really, just sit around and talk about things the whole night. The countdown was just an excuse to have everybody come together under one roof I guess, and I am glad that is what we did. Who cares if my house was a little quiet when the clock struck twelve, we must have had the best celebration in the neighborhood, anyway.

It's easy to look back on 2007 and mentally go through the things that have happened, and the things that haven't. A lot on both fronts, a lot of things done and a lot of others unfulfilled. We all set little resolutions for ourselves and hope that we'd stick to them for the rest of the year, hope that everything would be better than the previous year. In truth, I don't think 2007 was significantly better than 2006 at all, the hope I had for it was way greater though. I was just reading my very first post of the year last year, and it was full of resolutions to fulfill and dreams to come true. I made very practical resolutions, practical enough to be realistic and easily fulfilled. I even thought the last resolution on the list would be the easiest of all, since I was foolish enough to think that love conquers all. The last year, from what I can see now in retrospect, has two very distinct fractions. The first being the school terms that started somewhere in May in the second half of this year - which was awesome, and the second being the part of the relationship that occupied everything before May - which sucked. It's pretty sad how everything boils down to just numbers, little fractions. How everything then is summed up by the word "sucked", when I placed so much effort in maintaining things, when so much was said and done that made the both of us feel an infinite amount of love and possibilities.

I had a list of resolutions last year, and to make things easier for me I made them realistic and practical. Reading the first entry gave me the creeps, because it was written in Taiwan when I was still in that dreadful relationship of mine. I swear, if the Time Machine function in my Leopard OS X allows me to travel back in time physically, I'd beat some sense into that person who typed the first entry of last year with such glee and hope. I wonder what went through my mind when I mentioned something about hoping 2007 to be better than 2006, how everything was looking all bright and happy on my part. I failed to realize that while I was typing those hopeful entries about my relationship with her, she might have been out there at somebody's house and being fucked upside down almost literally, it's a repulsive thought even a year on. 

Let's see, the old resolutions. The first resolution was to get a course in a University I am satisfied with. That, I suppose, has been fulfilled on hindsight. I mean, I don't think I would have enjoyed myself anywhere other than UB, how people here are more like friends than schoolmates. You see and you hear about your friends in local universities, and their experiences just feel more like the ones you would get at a workplace, you know? It is as if the people there are more like working colleagues rather than friends, and that is something I am very thankful for. I've never liked school, hated it even. But the people in UB and the experiences that I have had in the past year, taught me to love school all over again. 

Second resolution last year was to eat even more tiramisu. I don't exactly have a craving for those anymore, but at least I did make an effort to try out more tiramisu whenever I could. Still, this year, I wish to have a new kind of food on my list, though that has yet to be confirmed just yet. We'll get to that when I come up with a brand new craving next time. The third resolution last year, to love my friends more. I think I have done that, but at the same time I haven't. It's complicated, and a little contradictory. There are just so many people to entertain, and you inevitably neglect one or two friends along the way, when you focus your attention on a particular group. You know who you are, you know that I am talking about you. I apologize for not giving you the kind of car that a friend should, but it's all a matter balance. I will get back to you soon, I promise, and I am sorry. 

The fourth resolution last year, Europe - tanked. The Europe trip was put aside simply because somebody didn't want me to go, and I didn't go because of that. Thankfully, Shen has already expressed his interest of going there, and it was for the very same reasons that our plans we cancelled, so I am definitely looking forward to the opportunity of visiting Europe with him, and hopefully find a few keen people for the trip as well. Money isn't the problem, it has never been the problem. I hope it comes to full circle this year, my European dream. The sands and rocks of London and Paris still sits on my shelves thanks to my sister, and I hope myself to be the one bringing back sands and rocks for my sister the next time around. The fifth and sixth resolutions last year, to learn more songs on my guitar and survive 2007. I have learned more songs, I have learned to play better as well, and checking my limbs and fingers, I guess I have survived 2007. So go me. 

The last resolution of last year was - never doing enough to love the TSO. Come to think about it, I guess I really was an wistful idiot wasn't I? I probably planned that because I saw our relationship lasting till the end of the year, which was yesterday evening. But the last I checked, the list of people I loved as of yesterday was filled with my friends from school and my family, your name did not appear at all. I wonder why the Hell I included that as part of my resolutions. But then again, at that point in time, it probably felt like the right thing to do, it probably felt like the perfect thing to do. I was so stupid not to see it coming, and it's also a repulsive thought in hindsight - still, a repulsive thought. I guess I can strike that one off my list this year and make sure that I do not allow myself to have such hopes anymore. 

I suppose, resolutions are for optimists. You know, the people who embraces the coming year with opened arms, hoping for the best. I don't suppose I am a person known for such things, so I am here hoping that none of last year's sorrows would be carried on to this year. I am sure this year has its own set of bullshit installed for me, but none can be worse than what happened last year - it's pretty hard to get lower than the rock bottom I think, virtually impossible. My verdict of 2007 - it was over-rated. That is what I would like to tell myself back then, and tell him not to have such a high expectation of the coming year, because expectations almost always lead to disappointments. So for 2008, I am just hoping for the good things of 2007 to be carried on, and the crap of 2007 to remain where they are. I guess, not hoping for a better year, but a year as good as the last is more realistic this time around. As you can see, this is a man with a lesson learned, and I have learned my lesson from 2007. Lovers are for idiots, try friends next time. They are your stronger pillars and your better bet.