The Jonas Brothers
Friday, November 28, 2008
The Jonas Brothers
It's easy to say "I hate this band" or "I hate that singer", if you don't like their songs or if they are dating too many women. "He's a douche", you might say, even if he doesn't do anything to offend you directly. More often than not, you probably don't "hate" him, probably just not a fan that's all. Like, I'm not a fan of Christina Aguilera, for example, but I don't hate her - I think she is an amazing singer. I dislike Amy Winehouse, however, but I don't hate her either. A lot of celebrities, singers and bands fall in this category, simply because of the amount of bad music floating around everywhere in our airwaves. Just picture this for a second, all the bad music being transformed into radio frequencies, and then passing through your head silently and then feeding you with their awfulness without you knowing it. Everything happens on a subconscious level, this slow and gradual pollution of the mind. It's creepy, but that doesn't make me hate singers or bands. I dislike a singer or a band if I deem them to be over-rated, or just playing music that I think should be pulled off the radio - like My Chemical Romance.
To be fair, I chose a clip from John Mayer's concert, shot live by a camera as well. The sound quality isn't perfect, but just so that the comparison is a hundred percent fair. Not a lot of people can achieve John's guitar tone, fine. He is playing the Stevie Ray Vaughan signature Stratocaster after all. But if you sound like that, don't even attempt to sing songs that are not yours - don't. A room of screaming fans does not make you good, it only serves to make your ego bigger. So you go on to cover even better songs that are out of your league. Seriously, stop whatever you are doing, and go back to your own songs. Go away, and never come back.
It's easy to say "I hate this band" or "I hate that singer", if you don't like their songs or if they are dating too many women. "He's a douche", you might say, even if he doesn't do anything to offend you directly. More often than not, you probably don't "hate" him, probably just not a fan that's all. Like, I'm not a fan of Christina Aguilera, for example, but I don't hate her - I think she is an amazing singer. I dislike Amy Winehouse, however, but I don't hate her either. A lot of celebrities, singers and bands fall in this category, simply because of the amount of bad music floating around everywhere in our airwaves. Just picture this for a second, all the bad music being transformed into radio frequencies, and then passing through your head silently and then feeding you with their awfulness without you knowing it. Everything happens on a subconscious level, this slow and gradual pollution of the mind. It's creepy, but that doesn't make me hate singers or bands. I dislike a singer or a band if I deem them to be over-rated, or just playing music that I think should be pulled off the radio - like My Chemical Romance.
But, you really hit the Everest of my hate when you do this one thing: cover the songs of my favorite singer or band and then ruining it completely. That is the same reason why Avril Lavigne is on my list here, because she tried to cover Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls and The Scientist by Coldplay. Both songs turned out to be filled with teen angst, so much so that I wanted to vomit my intestines out and then hang myself with it. Then Simple Plan came around and covered Foxy Lady by Jimi Hendrix, turning that song into something under throwing metals together and putting nails to a blackboard. I am not exactly a fan of Michael Jackson, but I am sure Sarah has a thing or two to say about the Fall Out Boys when they covered Beat It earlier this year. There is something about bands nowadays trying to cover other people's songs, and then turning them into pop trash. They turn perfectly awesome songs into twisted junk, and they are proud to do it for some reason. However, the Jonas Brothers, they have crossed the line, the furthest line that you can cross.
Bill Maher is right, and I shall quote him from one of his shows. On the Jonas Brothers, he said "We don't hate you because you wear purity rings. We hate you because you blow". I was watching MTV (don't ask) the other night when I heard one of the worst songs I have ever heard in my life, and it just so happens to be by the Jonas Brothers. I am basing my judgment purely on the type of music here - you suck, and that's a compliment. When your music is crap, you don't go and cover just any song you like out there, because it doesn't work that way. Know your limits, know where you can go and how far you can go. If you can't cover a song, don't cover the song. Don't try, because your video is going to end up on the Internet somehow and then make a lot of people out there sick to the stomach. You have crossed the last line by covering not one, but two songs by John Mayer. What the hell is the matter with you idiots? With a voice like that and a guitar tone that sounds like you are throwing metal plates together, you try to cover Gravity? I hate the Jonas Brothers so much now that I want to tear each of them a new asshole with a spoon. You don't need to know guitar to hear the difference in quality here.
To be fair, I chose a clip from John Mayer's concert, shot live by a camera as well. The sound quality isn't perfect, but just so that the comparison is a hundred percent fair. Not a lot of people can achieve John's guitar tone, fine. He is playing the Stevie Ray Vaughan signature Stratocaster after all. But if you sound like that, don't even attempt to sing songs that are not yours - don't. A room of screaming fans does not make you good, it only serves to make your ego bigger. So you go on to cover even better songs that are out of your league. Seriously, stop whatever you are doing, and go back to your own songs. Go away, and never come back.
The Bastardized Version:
The Original Version:
This entry was posted
on Friday, November 28, 2008 at 1:55 AM.
You can skip to the end and leave a response.
