Intimate Relationships
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Intimate Relationships
Some people find love in this big metal thing.
Dear readers, I'd like you to take a good look at the picture posted above. We all know what it is: it is the Eiffel Tower. It is a building that is commonly associated with Paris, and it is probably one of the main attractions in France. We visit the Eiffel Tower for a couple of reasons. First, we are tourists and we want to have a panoramic view of Paris. Second, we are still tourists, and the Eiffel Tower looks pretty good in photographs, and we get to boast to the friends and family that stayed back home. Even for the locals, they visit the Eiffel Tower pretty much for the same reasons, right. I mean, it is a fairly decent looking building, and it is pretty interesting I suppose. Other than serving the purpose of letting people go to a high place and to see things, it doesn't really serve any other purposes. However, meet Erika, a 36 year old woman who lives in San Francisco. To her, the Eiffel Tower is more than just a tourist attraction. The Eiffel Tower represents another form of attraction to her altogether, because she believes that she is in love with the Eiffel Tower, like the way a wife would love a husband. This is not a joke, and objectum sexuality is very, very real. Objectum sexuality is defined as a group of people whose intimate lives revolve around inanimate objects in which they claim to have a romantic and sexual love. Erika has married the Eiffel Tower, and she is now called Erika Eiffel. Again, it's all real, and I am not joking.
Maybe it is how the Eiffel Tower is phallic-shaped, and how it looks like a giant metal penis. At first, you probably wouldn't believe in the whole possibility of objectum sexuality being real at all. I mean, it is difficult to conceive and comprehend the idea that a human being could fall for an inanimate object. But you can somehow see it in the Eiffel Tower though, since it does indeed look like a penis. However, there are also documented cases of people falling in love with fences and Ferris Wheels, things that look nothing like any known sexual organs. The latest case that I have read involves a Japanese man in his thirties who has fallen in love with his pillow case. Given, that pillow case also has the picture of a naked anime girl printed on the front, but that doesn't make it any less weird. I don't want to know what this man does with his pillow case in the middle of the night, but I suppose it'd be similar to what a dog does to a rugby ball. Only, the dog does it whether you are there or not, because it cannot care less. We look upon this people with doubts and puzzlement for the most part, because I don't remember the last time I felt an intense love relationship with my, say, table. I love my iMac, but then I don't love it enough to want to marry it, much less rub my penis against it. It is something that the society will never understand.
As we frown at members of our society who wants to rub their genitals on inanimate objects, we seldom ever think about even more ridiculous relationships that humans engage in. Just the other day, I was on the train when the woman next to me was reading a book she borrowed from the library, a booked called Being Intimate with God by Larry Reese. I found that title to be somewhat amusing, considering how the author is trying to teach you to have an intimate relationship with someone that doesn't show up very often in our lives at all. It is the same as people who'd be the first to tell you in intimate details about how life is like after death, how the Heaven looks like and what goes on in the depths of Hell. There isn't a living person who is a credible authority on that subject, because nobody has ever been there before. People sometimes argue about how those people have seen death as they went to the brink of it, but many of those encounters have been attributed, scientifically, to traumas to the brain during accidents. I cannot trust anybody who claims to have had a personal experience with something which is impossible to experience as a living person. If you've actually met God, hung out with Him, and you are actually on his Facebook or something, I suppose you have more authority to speak on that subject. Unless Mr. Reese has done so before, what makes people think that he knows how to have an intimate relationship with God?
I think different people relate to God in different ways. To be completely objective, a healthy relationship with religion that one can have seems to conjure up the image of someone meditating. I picture a person meditating and then being at peace with him or herself, while at the same time reflect upon the teachings of the religion and then seeing how it pans out in his or her life. I think I am cool with that, because I think it is a great way to come to terms with a relationship between yourself and an invisible being. I think many people have relationships with a higher power, and I feel that that is completely fine. I mean, I feel very connected to nature and the universe, and I suppose that counts as a relationship of sorts, right. I mean, we don't hang out and have beers, but I feel a form of connection to the nature. However, that doesn't necessarily mean that I want to have sex with a tree or something, because that isn't the connection I speak of. I am speaking of a connection on a molecular level, whereby we are all made of the same things. Anyway, I think most relationships built with God by religious people is similar, or the same, with the kind of relationship that I have with nature - that's OK. But then, as always, we have the extremists.
There are people who actually want to have sex with trees, and then there are people who cannot wait to hug God's legs, assuming that he doesn't just float around. Whether or not he does exist or not is one thing and another debate altogether, to have an intimate relationship with someone that is invisible, that is something completely out of this world. I'd like to hear from this author how he intends to encourage this relationship, because I'm not quite sure how to wrap my head around it. I mean, that is kind of like how a matchmaker would try to match make you with someone whom you have never met before, and you are supposed to have a potential relationship with this person. The only difference is that, this author is trying to have you create an intimate relationship, not only with someone you have never met before, but also with someone whom you'd never ever meet until you die. If dying is the only way for us to meet God and have an intimate relationship with him for real, then I feel like the author is totally targeting the wrong market here. He should be aiming for the dead or the near-dead people, or the people that are on the verge of actually meeting this guy. Not some teenager who isn't going to meet this God dude in a long, long time.
Perhaps I just find it interesting, albeit somewhat disturbing, that it is OK to have an intimate relationship with an invisible person but not OK to have one with your car, like how people tend to have mechanophilia. I'm not saying that religious extremists want to have sex with God (though I feel that given the chance, a lot of them would jump at it), but to say that you can potentially build an intimate relationship with someone like that? It sounds like a scam to me, to be completely honest. Here we are, paying for a book that you wrote, about something in which is quite nearly impossible to attain. A connection, maybe. A relationship, perhaps. But here we have, using the word "intimate", and treating this invisible being as your best friend or something. The truth is, if you look around you long enough, you know that he really hasn't been around for you very often. Your friends have been there for you, your family has been there for you, but we don't give them as much credit as we give to this invisible guy, do we. They've always been there, and God has been announcing his eventual return for the longest time. There is a t-shirt that says "BRB" with Jesus Christ printed on it. I think a more accurate abbreviation to use would be "AFK", or "Away from keyboard", because he has been gone for way too long.
Your friends and family are the people that you should be building your intimate relationships on. It's just that there are a lot of people who aren't giving their family the credit that they deserve. I understand some people have screwed up families, and friends that encourage you to do nasty things. But still, there are people that cares, and those are the kind of relationship that we should be wanting to build upon. I'm not saying that having an intimate relationship with an invisible being is more wrong than having an intimate relationship with a chair. I just think that frowning upon one instead of the other is incredibly unfair for the Eiffel Tower and the ferris wheel. I think they are both incredibly weird if you ask me, I just think that they are both really unnatural. It's like having an invisible friend to play with at the age of thirty - it just doesn't make any sense. It is OK if you tell someone that you have an intimate relationship with God, that's perfectly fine. But if you tell someone that you have an intimate relationship with a guy named Bob who is invisible, people are going to ask you to snap out of it. I had an invisible friend when I was younger, and his name was Philip. I knew he was made up by me, but I talked to him anyway. We never had an intimate relationship, because even as a child, I knew how stupid that'd turn out to be.
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