In Continuum.

I think humans are creature that are difficult to satisfy by nature. I remember a quote by Abraham Lincoln that I've heard in class before about how you can satisfy all of the people some of the times, some of the people some of the times. However, you can never satisfy all of the people all of the times. I think the concept that there is always something missing can be a double-edged sword. On one hand, you could wallow in your own inadequacies, knowing that there is always a chip missing from everything, thus dooming you to an unfulfilled life. Or, you could always use that as a motivation to strive for better things in life. Such is the reason why "good enough" should never be "good enough", simply because being good enough makes human beings incompetent, it sometimes makes us lazy. When you have everything properly laid out for you, when everything has been beautifully planned out for you, you start to wonder if this facade of order has something more sinister brewing underneath. I do not speak of some governmental controversy or anything of that sort, but the idea that something is missing in the picture-perfect quality of everything around you. I am not sure about you, but I sometimes wonder if the completeness of Singapore gives anybody else out there a feeling that something is missing, despite everything falling into the right places and spaces.

I have been in Buffalo for a couple of months now, and I suppose there are moments in the silence of your bedroom in the dead of the night when your mind allows you a few moments to ponder and meditate about things. Buffalo, being in the suburbs and all, it leaves a lot of place for silence, especially when you are awake at three in the morning. Despite the parties on Friday and weekends, there are times in a month when everybody is in agreement that "enough is enough", and they restrain themselves to loud music on their earphones, and the beer cans are kept in cartons in the fridge. Silent nights like that make you think about what has come to pass, and has yet to come to pass, and the present state of things. Buffalo is a great place to ran away to, with its large expense of farms and cold weather in the winter, it feels like the perfect place to cuddle at home with your loved ones. It isn't exactly the kind of place you'd expect to see bustling life, or a city life for that matter. The term "downtown" is a gross overstatement when it comes to Buffalo, as you really only see life along the streets on very specific days of the year. Say, the Halloween night, when all the false ghosts and spirits come out to party till the early hours of the morning. Other than that, Buffalo is a nice quiet town, tucked away in the corner of the state of New York, away from the Big Apple and all that jazz.

People always say great things about the foreign cities that they've been to, and then in return diss about the county that they came from. In retaliation, many people back home would argue that the reason you feel that other cities are superior to your own is because you haven't been there long enough to understand the differences of it all. You know, if you take a week or two and visit a country in in Europe, for example, you are going to fall in love with that place, and feel that your own countries lacks everything that is good about Europe. Certainly, there are things in Europe that are just completely unwired, things that don't necessarily make sense. I was talking to an Italian classmate of mine one day when she told me about how bad the firefighters are in southern Italy. When there is a fire, they take their time to reach the scene with their fire engines, and it's not like the people bother very much in giving way either. She told me about how there was this one time when she saw fire engines parked a few blocks away from the scene of the fire, simply because a man inside a restaurant illegally parked his car in a way that blocked the road for the fire engines. So yes, there are benefits in living in a civilized and modern society, and you shouldn't complain when you have the convenience in everything.

That is what people would tell you anyway, to "not compare" and "not complain". I mean, personally speaking, Singapore is considered a first-world country with first-world, well, everything. The country constantly boast about its ports, its airports, its economy, or at least that is what National Day parades are for anyway. It is a grandiose form of masturbation, when in the end you are still screwing your own palm anyway. Nobody can deny the achievements of the Singaporean government, and even more amazing and just how much they have accomplished in such a little time. Yet, if you really think about it, people in Singapore tend to have the concept that the grass is greener on the other side. At least a lot of people that I have talked to tend to feel that way about certain things. There is no questions about the concept of home in their minds, because Singapore is always going to be seen as a home to them, since most of them were born there and everything. I, however, am in a very curious position and thus, have a very unique perspective on things. Taiwan is where I was born, yet I spent the better part of my life in Singapore, as a student, as a soldier, as a citizen. I cannot honestly feel that Taiwan is my only home, because I only go back once every year after all. And as for Singapore, as much as I have been a part of the society, I've always found it easy to distinguish myself from a great part of the society over there.

Complete integration has never happened to me in either of the countries that I have spent the most time in, which is a strange thing for anybody. You want to feel a sense of affiliation, any for of affiliation, to a country even if it means betrayal. I mean, there is a reason why you can only be a citizen of one country at any given time officially, because the government wants to know who you are rooting for at the end of the day. Yet, for me, I find it somewhat difficult to find either place a place that I want to settle down permanently. Taiwan is obviously alien in some ways to me because the country has developed and grown without me being around most of the time. I moved to Singapore when I was five years old, and things are always changing and evolving back home whenever I go back. I've lived in Singapore for eighteen years, but I feel so uninvolved in a great many things, and I do not share many visions that the education system and the government attempts to shove down our throats. I feel like I have been a part of both countries, and yet integration isn't something that I have come to terms with fully. With that said, I have found the concept of home in both islands, which further complicates the situation in some ways.

That is also the reason why I've always been the kind of person who'd jump at the chance of going overseas, even if it is somewhere close, like Indonesia or Thailand. Perhaps it is an attempt to find somewhere that suits my way of life, or my ideology, whatever that you call it. At any rate, while I have fallen in love with the scenery and food of Thailand, it isn't a place that I'd like to settle down for real, you know. There is a difference between a good holiday destination, and a good place to call home. I suppose it is true what Zach Braff's character said in Garden State, when he said that the idea of home is merely a state of the mind. It isn't something physical, it isn't something tangible. You could own a physical property, a real house with four walls and a roof with everything inside carefully furnished and renovated. Yet, a house could still remain as a house and not a home, if you know what I mean. I still call my apartment in Buffalo my "apartment" or "house", because to call it "home" would be far-fetched, considering the drugs lying around the kitchen every now and then. Anyway, as much as I have liked those places, I've always looked forward to going back at the end of the trip.

Now that I have spent a considerable amount of time on this side of the fence, I suppose I am qualified enough to make an observation or two about this place. I love this country, what it has to offer, and its people. Despite being in the midst of adjusting to the culture, I really like this place a lot. So much is the same in Singapore and so much is different, and it is sometimes difficult to pin-point any one aspect of things. Perhaps the malls and the supermarkets are somewhat similar, save for the significant difference in size. The lifestyles and the cultures, however, are completely different over here. Even when you are talking about a small comic book store, you start to realize that people here just treat other people differently. You can say that the people here are generally nicer, at least that is what I can say through my own experiences. I have been on this side of the fence for a while now, and nobody back home can say that I haven't been overseas long enough to know how good my home country is. Well I have been here for some time now, survived on my own accord and lived by my own standards. I've done everything on my own and for myself, which in many ways qualifies me to be a judge of a great many things between the two places.

It is perhaps harsh to say this, but I've recently realized that there isn't a lot in Singapore for me to hold on to if I were to leave it forever. I will say one thing, though, that I love Singaporeans. I think the Singaporeans that I know, my friends and loved one(s), are the only reason why I would want to stay there. The people in Singapore are the best thing about Singapore, and everything else to me pales in comparison. It would be difficult for me to summarize "the people of Singapore" into one sentence, or a paragraph for that matter. Sometimes, people over here would ask you about how is Singapore like as a country, and I almost always start with everything else but the people. The reason for that is because it is difficult to group Singaporeans into one classification for the most part, because they are so diverse and similar at the very same time. There are a great many people that I have met in the course of my life, many of them are awesome people, they are all Singaporeans. I love the people that I have met for the most part, the friends that I have had the pleasure to be acquainted with, and not to mention the awesome girlfriend that I have had the pleasure to fall in love with. Other than the people, though, I do wonder why I even bother at times.

This isn't a love letter to Singapore at any rate, perhaps just a love letter to its people. If there is a way to take everybody in Singapore and put them in the United States, I'd gladly stay here forever. You cannot blame Singapore entirely though, because there are shortfalls that it simply cannot change. For example, the weather remains the same for the most part, there aren't a lot of natural attractions to look at, and there island is so small that it is physically possible to walk from one point to the other within the span of a day if you so wish. Singapore is a tiny, tiny island that has focused much of its efforts in the past decades on economic growth, something which makes a whole lot of sense for the most part. Yet, having been to many cities around the world, I've always felt that the modernization of Singapore has killed any form of art or culture in the city. Everything is about growth, growth, growth, and so little is left to preservation and conservation. Even the natural reserves and the old relics are properly maintained and kept neat and tidy. It is an awesome place to go back to, but it isn't a place that anybody would want to settle down in forever.

Perhaps if you give Singapore a few more decades, some form of art and culture would be able to seep through. I mean, how much emphasis has been placed upon the art scene in Singapore anyway? If you are a musician in Singapore, you are probably doing it, most likely, as a hobby and not as a career. It will go nowhere unless you go beyond the boundaries of your country, and that is what I feel to be so suffocating about the place sometimes. Suffocating, because more than just the physical limitations of the country, the opportunities that it provides in terms of art and expression is like a blip to the ones offered in other parts of the world. What I am trying to say is that although I really want to go back to Singapore at this point in time, there is a significant part of me who also want to stay. Of course, I also want Neptina, my friends and family to come along as well. I don't want to be selfish and decide to stay here when I have left everybody else behind. I love the people, and I love the way that I am with the people in Singapore. If taken away from the rest of the population, I'd probably shoot myself in Singapore, no doubt. Singapore isn't nearly as great as Singaporeans, and I am not even sure if that makes any sense. Anyway, I am ready to go home, and yet I am not willing to leave this great country. It is a conflict and a dilemma that I deal with from time to time, especially when the future hangs in the balance of things, you know.