In Continuum.

Departures

The time now is 3:09PM, and I am flying over a vast expense of city and towns below me that I do not fully recognize. The path of the flight seems to be rather odd, considering how the logical way to fly from Hong Kong to Chicago would be straight across the Pacific Ocean, a route that does not involve any cities or towns below. At any rate, we seem to be doing a little detour upwards towards the North, and I guess it is somewhat comforting to know that we are flying above land instead of a seamless horizon of water. I think we are somewhere above a province of China right now, and I think I heard the captain mention something about the Russian airspace. Anyhow, I have been flying in planes ever since six this morning, and it has been a rather pleasant flight so far, not considering the lack of leg space and the fact that it is going to be a long ride before I reach my destination.

The last day began with myself going downstairs to the MRT station to meet Neptina. I had to do some last minute shopping, and she was kind enough to meet me on the train itself before going down to Bishan. In retrospect, it all seems like a really long time away now, considering how I haven't slept much between than and now. Every hour spent not sleeping, though, is probably going to help me adjust to jet lag. I have no idea how I am going to be able to adjust to that, since I haven't got a great many prior experience. Let's just say, though, that I am not exactly optimistic about the possibilities of me staying up all night for a week straight. Anyway, I remember it well, how the train came by and Neptina was there inside the train while I looked in from the platform. We kissed when we met, her lips softly touching mine, and there was a momentary sense of sadness that came over me for some reason. I knew that that was it, the beginning of the last day in Singapore, a moment that I wasn't exactly looking forward to. Yet, I tried my best to hold back the tears, and we went on to finish my last minute shopping without a glitch.

For the rest of the day, Neptina helped me pack and do check lists, and she also showed me the things that she wants me to bring back for her from Buffalo. Amidst the looming cloud of my departure, we were candid for the most part, and subtly comforted each other about the fact that I was about to leave. At that point in time, we have already said all that was meant to be said, and we both knew what to do and what not to do. For example, to take pictures of ourselves and the surroundings everyday (which I have already been doing) and not to take off my clothes for anybody or for any reasons other than to piss and to shower. We have established such rules, though that is not to say that we are, in any way, a couple that distrusts each other. I trust Neptina a lot, perhaps even more than myself at times. There is a 120% certainty that things will work out, but everything in between now and then just seems worrying somehow. Nothing that I have tried has convinced me to think otherwise, and it's not like the advices of my friends and family are working either. It isn't a long time, this four months, but I am still going to worry because I care for Neptina too much.

Anyway, we cuddled in bed for the most of the afternoon, and she did final checks on my luggage before packing it up for good. In the evening, we had dinner with the family, in which my sister didn't join. She doesn't usually join us for dinners anyway, and that cold-hearted woman didn't even do anything more than nod her head when I told her that I was leaving for Buffalo. As Jeremy said at the airport this morning: that's cold, really cold. I am used to my sister's indifference to whatever that I do, and I have come to terms with the fact that she is always going to dislike or hate whatever that I do or say, even if it is based on reasons unknown to me. Of all the people that I am leaving behind in Singapore, my sister is probably the only person that I am not going to miss. As much as there are people that got on my nerves back in school, they were a part of why school was genuinely fun from all around, you know. My sister, on the other hand, never contributed directly to anything in my life with her constant sarcasm, her cynicism and her infinite capacity to be a complete bitch. At any rate, I am going to be a dozen time zones away from her by the time I touch land, and she is not going to be a person I will be asking about on my calls back home. To my sister: your existence now is inconsequential to me, and I shall not waste my time being bothered by your irrationality and idiocy.

A change of plans was made in the last minute, and apparently we were supposed to send Mark and gang off at the airport a couple of hours earlier than my own time of departure. A lot of us were leaving for Buffalo, but we left in different batches and via different airlines. There was Mark, and a few other girls there whose families and friends were all duly present for the "event", so to speak. The crowd was one that was mostly unknown to me, and I couldn't be bothered for the most part to socialize. At any rate, we hung out by ourselves mostly, and we looked forward to one long night spent at the airport with each other. My best friends from school with my girlfriend, there isn't going to be a better way to spend the last hours of your day in Singapore, truth be told. I was grateful that they were around, and I would sometimes be silent and try to take in all of their actions and all of their words. Perhaps if I tried hard enough, I thought, I'd be able to bring some of those memories with me. Anyway, the night was mostly spent talking to each other and gossiping about people from school. A plan to play block catching was proposed by me, in which the activity areas would include both Terminal 2 and 3. Also, the catchers will not be able to use the SkyTrains, so that was supposed to be a major problem. We scraped that idea though, and eventually went for the Mafia Game at about one in the morning. At that time, it was about two odd hours to checking in, and the hand that was grasped around my own got a little tighter by the hour.

Valerie and Ahmad dropped by with a surprise visit, and they even brought along something vital for the journey that I completely forgot. I remember telling my mother that I wanted a hot water bag, but then it must have slipped both our minds. Valerie and Ahmad actually came by the terminal to say goodbye with a hot water bag (which they didn't know that I forgot to bring), not to mention that little makeshift card that doubled as a survival guide for the United States. It was sweet of them to come along, despite the fact that Ahmad had an early morning class the next day, and only reached home a few hours earlier that evening. I do apologize for not informing all of my friends about my departure, but at the same time you guys should understand my distaste of announcing to the world about something going on in my life. Besides, I do not frequent myself often enough on Facebook to do such a thing anyway, so I do seek your understanding. Anyhow, I am going to keep the hot water bag close to my heart, or rather close to my butt, and it is going to provide me with lots and lots of warmth when I am over there, that's for sure.

For the most part of the night, the lot of us hung out at the hawker center in the basement. After sending the huge crowd off previously, we had a couple of hours to kill, and it's not like the majority of us really wanted to go anywhere afterwards anyway. So we stayed on in the terminal and had some drinks and snacks. Almost everybody was there, save for Janis who had to work in the following day and Nurul whose parents prefer to have her back home. At any rate, the company was still pretty awesome, and we had a good time talking about things to come and the ones that came to past. Soon, though, we thought it'd be more fun to play games in the mean time, and I got to play the Mafia Game right before my take-off - awesome. I didn't get to play a mafia though, and I've been getting blank cards from the game master in almost every single round. That was probably the fun part of the game for me, but I guess anything to see my friends have a good time before we leave. After all, to leave and to be left behind, the latter always feels worse than the former somehow.

Then, of course, the inevitable came. It was almost four when we made our way to the check-in counters, and the paranoia of American airlines was in full display there as we went through numerous checks. My parents were already there when I reached, and my sister was (as expected) not there. Then again, to be fair, it's not like I sent her off to London when she went over for an exchange program. Still, that one was for a month, and I did offer my hug back then which she refused. Anyway, I shuffled between my friends, Neptina, and my parents for the most part. The parents just wanted to see me get through the check-in process, and they were pretty much out of there in no time. I suppose that is how they operate, quietly worrying and giving minimal amount of guidance. In a way, it's pretty good because that is how independence is developed, but then it would have been nice for them to stay a little longer. Still, I suppose it was all for the better, since it was really early in the morning ad they still had to drive all the way home. After checking in, we waited for the gates to open, and a lot of tears were already flowing at this point, whether or not it was from the departing friends or the yawning. We decided to move down to the hawker center again for breakfast, in which the bowl of minced meat noodle soon grew stale for me somehow. I couldn't finish the bowl, especially with Neptina's head buried in her arms, her hair sprawled out on the table and quietly breathing away. More than worrying about what'd happen after that, I was worried about her being all tired and worn out. I ran my fingers through her hair and rubbed her back as the rest of them chatted away. I felt the tearing sensation creeping up again, but I fought it back with all my determination. I didn't want to break down, didn't want to be vulnerable in front of Neptina - at least not at the airport. She talked, we smiled, and as the last half an hour closed in, our kisses left were numbered by the fingers of our own two hands.

I must say, though, I hate to make a situation overly dramatic, and I am glad that it wasn't for the most part. Pictures were taken, more words were being whispered and said out loud. We hugged, we waved goodbye, and it wasn't very long when it was time for us to go through the gates. I was the last one through, and the girls hurried through customs probably because they didn't want to stay for very long. I took a deep breath, gave my passport to the officers, and went through the gates while feeling all the eyes behind my back. Neptina's, especially, as I could still feel the warmth of her tears on my sweater. I got through the customs in no time, and that was where I gathered enough courage to turn back to the crowd. That was where I couldn't really make out their facial expressions, when their faces were a blur. That was the only reason why I'd not break down, that I'd not regret leaving altogether. Before actually getting through though, I kissed my index and middle finger and placed them on the glass that separated Neptina and I. I remember the way she dashed towards me for the very last time, and our fingers pressed together through the glass. I blew a kiss which she caught, like the way she would when I'd leave in a cab from her house. And like those nights next to the road when she'd stay there until the lights went away, she kept adjusting herself on the other side of the gate to watch over me until I got out of her line of sight. I feel silly to be tearing up on the plane while typing this, and I suppose it's because it is something that I've shoved to the back of my mind. To remain calm, to be remain brave, whatever was I thinking anyway. As I am typing this, I am 3000 miles away from wherever I started from, and I am flying above a distant province of Russia after passing through China and parts of Korea. I am reaching Alaska soon, and the next entry shall elaborate more on the flight.

I just want to say that I wouldn't have asked for a better way to be sent off, and I am just so glad that so many people bothered, you know? I still feel bad for dragging my friends out from their beds just to see us off at the airport. I mean, some of them didn't even sleep all that much in the previous night. I was just so touched by that, and the fact that Neptina stayed with me throughout the day. Oh Neptina, I wouldn't be able to do this without you. I'd admit that it is getting better and better as the trip seems more and more realistic. I hope the same goes for you too, and that you will find your own ways to come to terms with your occasional loneliness. Like I said in the airport, remember that all of the loneliness and all of the pain of seeing me leave, those are going to be the very first and last time you will experience it from me. I love you, Neptina, please hold on to a lifeline and wait for me to come home. Less than four months at this point now, keep breathing baby bear. I'm coming home soon.