In Continuum.

The Ass of Clubs

When asked recently to go for a clubbing experience,i denied the kind invitation for the millionth time in a roll,only a count or two short after the misspelling of my name,and that is saying a lot really.

To the person,or rather to most,clubbing seems to be the ultimate form of modern day entertainment.A place where you let go of everything that is outside the club,your life in the fast lane,reality.Sometimes you wonder the mentality of these dancers,these drinkers,these desperate people,these clubbers as you watch from the top of the balcony,staring down at the mass of people below,squeezing against each other,trying to find their space on the podium.You start to wonder what they are running away from,or what they ran away from.Where they are going,what are they trying to prove,to achieve?

I denied that friend of mine,firstly because of the fact that i despise clubbing.Second of all,his reasoning with me was just totally weak and without a basis at all.I mean,if you are trying to convince me to do something that i am unwilling to do,at least come up with an argument reasonable enough to make me question myself,or threaten me with a knife in the middle of nowhere.I dont exactly pride myself for being a witty,at times obnoxious bastard but hey,you cant blame me for your stupidity.

He tried,of course,to convince me that it is actually "fun" to head down to a random club,grab a drink or two,sometimes even more than that,look and grab the ass of some passing hot chick and then head down to the dance floor to rub your dicks against some other female's ass.If you are lucky enough,according to him,you might find yourself waking up in the morning with wax all over your body,lipstick marks all over your unshaven face and your pants somewhere in the hotel toilet.Next to you,if you are lucky enough as well,a girl half naked from the waist down and if you are really really lucky,the puddle of vomit under her head would be about ten minutes from reaching your face.

Dear friend then told me that there is no harm hanging out with friends at a club.I asked,exactly what his definition for "hanging out" is.He simply said,in a matter-of-fact way,"Talk!".Well,let me ask you this schmuck.How do you actually talk,or converse with anybody in a bloody club,since talking isnt necessarily possible unless you have a microphone or a loudspeaker able to reach above the volumes of the horrendous music in the clubs.Speaking to anybody within two metres of your vicinity is almost impossible.

As an avid fan of music,i love what i listen to.I mean,it is illegal,in a way,to bring mp3 players into military camps,yes.But i went against that rule and did it,because i can never live without the music that i have,that i love.Now,the stuff they do at clubs are just out of my league.I cant say that they are lousy,stupid or in any way,bad.But they are just not my cup of tea.And i hate,perhaps the most,the general stuff behind all the stuff in the so-called "songs".Sex,drugs,get high and being angry over...well,something.You get lost somewhere between the first hard beat of the bass and the last ending note,if that was a note at all.

Then there are the dancing,if you call those dancing at all.It is not hard to see one of those online,if you really want to.Just head down to youtube.com,and at the search bar,type in "Dance" and it will probably lead you to dozens of videos with hot girls(Or the ones that try to be hot),wearing spaghetti tops and panties,dancing in their private rooms in front of a webcam.Of course,no porn involve in that website,but that is the closest thing you get before you can a R21 rating slapped to the website.

When did the shaking of asses,the revealing of breasts become a form of dancing,the ones known to clubs?I mean,im not exactly a great admirer of abstract art,dances and all that stuff i admit.But then again,i know good dancing to bad ones.I know sensible ones to just plain stupid ones.I just dont see what is all the fun about,when all you have around you is merely fifty-centimetres of space around you,if the club is relatively unknown and new,with no crowd to speak of whatsoever.

Most of the time,you dont dance to the beat of the song,or the music,or anything that's coming out of those damn speakers,which in a way makes you wonder if the DJ removed the volume controlling knob.You just dance to what you like,what you had in your alcohol saturated mind.If that is not the case,admit it,you probably just want to show off your assets to the boy next to you,or get a tight grab of his ass before you leap out of sight.Let's face it,that's not dancing we are talking about.That's mere movements,like the way old uncles "vibrates" at parks early in the mornings.

However,there are the instances whereby you enjoy the experience.The way people dress,the way they dress up for the occasion for whatever reasons they have.To seduce,to let loose,it's really all up to whoever decides to look good on that night.Let's admit it,even to myself,that people,male or female,do look good most of the time when they enter clubs.Most of them,anyway.

I hate to see them,by the end of the night,with their mascara all over their faces,their lovely dress newly bought from Zara only last weekend,ruined from her friend's vomit and partially your own from too much drinking.Or that beautifully set hair of yours,now in disarray because somebody decided to take a snatch at your do.I hate the way the ladies collapse outside of clubs,with their panties wide in everybody's view,but totally oblivious to it.The way they sleep in their own vomits,or staggering towards the nearest drain to dump their loads,while murmuring something like "Im...not...drun..." followed by your dinner flowing out of your mouth.I just hate the sight of that.

So next time,if you decide to ask,convince,persuade,drag,threaten me to head to a club,you might want to think twice about doing so,because i might just bombard you with the above arguments,or simply ask you to go fly a kite.

However,i must say,if one day i decide to transform into this club crazy asinine,looking for quickies,want to rub my dick against some girl's ass for the kick of it,or getting drunk then laid afterwards,stupid dancing(If you consider those dancing at all),making friends who can potentially rape you by the end of the night,sure clubbing is hella fun.Please do ask me out,when that day arrives.

Oh,and do bring along a pistol or anything that can potentially incur serious damage to the head,because i'd need you to do that by the end of the night to my own.