In Continuum.

Rainy February

It was a dimly lid building,a place you wouldnt even expect to sell furnitures.You know,how Courts and IKEA,the way everywhere is brightly lid and stuff.But i remember the place where my family went to buy this old table that i still have in my room,was a rather creepy place to begin with.Strangely tiled floors,and after the staircase that led up to the second floor,before us were furnitures not properly classified and though strange out of the factories,already looking old and worn out.

That's where we got our tables,the tables for the kids.Over the years my sister vandalised the insides of the drawers,stuck Ronald McDonalds stickers all over,and then stuff the drawers with the most useless objects concieved by men.Over the years,the role of this table drastically changed.From a mini-warehouse of junk to a mini-warehouse of school work.Notes were left inside and forgotten.Homeworks chucked into the forgotten corners of the table only to be left there to gather dust.Years later,last night while rummaging through the 'wreckage',i realised that the table took on yet another role in my life: A treasure chest.

On top of a pile of old "C" Maths notes was a folded piece of paper,a little crumpled on the edges,but still untouched by the hands of time.It was easily recognised,the way little 1x1 centimetre boxes filled the pages,paper used only for chinese composition.Opening the fold of the paper i realised it was a chinese essay i wrote two years ago,i believe.I recall it to be a cloudy day,and already the day was coming to an end.I guess the teacher(I forgot her name)ran out of ideas,so she simply asked us to write anything for that day's assignment.As Valentine's Day was coming,i wrote a piece of my experience on that very day a year ago from then.

So here's the translated version of the essay i wrote,something i held,and still hold close to heart after all these years.It's a story told too many times,and i guess i am glad that i got over everything,truly.You know how criminals come clean after years in prison and stuff.I can proudly say,that i have stepped out of the custody of the wardens,and out of the prison breathing the air of pure freedom.So here it is,knock yourself out.

Rainy February

Oh,how fast it has been!365 days have past in a blink of an eye.The past year,the vicious life in a Junior College,like a pair of hands around my throat,threatened to strangle the life out of me.But despite the hectic schedule,once in a while i'd think about the times in Serangoon Junior College.The times when my classmates and myself would sit together and have a good laugh,and life without any sort of pressure.A life with her...

Going back to a year from now,on the eve of Valentine's Day,i remember sitting on my bed and wrapping up the present i bought from Taiwan.On the envelope,with delicate pensmanship,i carefully wrote her name in bold black marker.She,was the girl i got to know on the first day of Junior College life.She,had long silky hair flowing down her back.Pure,almost transluscent skin,and a voice like wind chimes on a rainy day.When i first saw her,my heart sped out of control,and my white turned off with a click.All that i thought about,was the way her face resembled that of an angel,and those deep black eyes,running deep into her irises like an endless abyss.The way she looked at your,bearing her stare into your eyes like arrows,piercing not only my glance but my buried heart.

That Valentine's Day,i decided to give her a special present,a seashell that i have kept for seven years.It's not just some ordinary seashell,but rather a special one that i found by the beach,in the shape of a heart.On the card i bought,with the same delicate handwriting,i wrote:

"...When God asked if i am interested in a Guardian Angel,i declined his offer.

'Why? he asked.

'Because i already have one." i replied."She has two beautiful eyes, voice like that of the most harmonious music,and she is a good friend of mine.'

God looked at you,then turned back to me and said,"All right,but you shall be her Guardian Angel in return as well'

So can i be your Guardian Angel?..."

Deep inside i desperately wanted her to say yes,while thinking to myself that the fact that i wrote this card,it is going to win her over for sure.But little did i know,that the next day during a terrible storm,i am going to find out just how foolish i was.

Valentine's Day,and it was raining heavily.Sitting at the back of the bus,i thought about whatever that happened before i left for home,the way the shocking expression on her face changed into a gentle smile when i handed her the present.What is her answer going to be?I asked mysef.

Just then,my handphone vibrated,and it was a call from her.I answered the call,and from the other side of the phone came her familiar voice.

"I..." she said. "I think we are better off as friends."

I smiled,a forceful one,and told her that it was okay,that i wasnt holding out with too much hope anyway.

I lied.My hopes were sky high,and with that expectation i hadnt thought of the worst case scenario,the scenario like now.I hung up the phone,and the rain continued to fall from the sky.With the passengers all around me,i tried in vain to hold back my tears,not daring to cry...

I got off the bus,standing alone in the wet bus stop.Despite the umbrella i had in my bag,and the way the rain tuned up it's verocity,i ran into the cold embrace of the storm,hoping to wash all the shame away.Finally,as i ran,i couldnt take it any more.Tears rolled down my cheeks,hoping that the rain would wake myself up from this stupidity.

Before the lift,with the void deck in a gloomy gray hue,the light from the inside couldnt light up the darkness of my soul.As i knelt there,drenched like a rat,couldnt tell if it was rain or tears,running down my face anymore.

Today,the sky is infinitely high and crystal clear.No hint of any storm clouds,unlike last year's Valentine's Day.It's a little different this year,perhaps it is because of the fact that i am alone,i guess.I cant even write her chinese name,how laughable is that?Just what was i thinking a year ago?

356 days ago,on a rainy February afternoon,i cried my heart out..."

I thought the writing was pathetic,so was the result.I apologize for the bad essay above,translated in English.I am never much of a translator,and that is truly my best efforts for now.It sounded so amateur-ish,now that i think of it.But i guess the innocence involved in that essay,really is the beauty of it all.

I remember the teacher forcing me to read it out to the class,and after i was done with the last line,as my voice trailed off after the dots,i lowered the paper to find Wan Jun crying.It was a touchy moment then,and instead of comforting her i think i said something like "Why the hell are you crying for?".It was rather hurtful i guess,and in a way she was a little offended i imagined.I apologize about that,but i guess i was just trying to be strong,myself.

Wan Jun reminded me of me,i guess.The way tears welled and memories came back like nightmares.Which might've been why i found her tears almost ridiculous,the fact that i already gotten over it myself,over with that phase of myself.