In Continuum.

Sour Pea

Don't know why Tori came by
I could see by the look in her eyes
Tori'd been driving around the town for awhile
Playing with the thought of leaving

A nudge over MSN,a cry out for help.A desperation raging inside,crying out loud.The flashing window on the toolbar,your nickname going on and off.Eager,anxious,hopeless.It's a problem we've been through many times,almost too many times.But despite all of those,here is my hand and here are my words,and i wish you pull yourself out of yourself,the crumbling pile of peas,and rebuild yourself again,all smiles,all beautiful.

A photograph in a little corner of my Friendster's main page.Your right hand disappearing into the edge of the picture,your indian boyfriend planting a kiss in your cheek as you snapped the camera.The shutters opened and closed,the moment captured,and there you are smiling at the camera,pure joy and innocent laughters.But the smile upon your face,what i thought when i saw your new picture being posted,wasnt that of a happily attached girl,but rather the look of a hopelessly desperate one.Is it wrong,to say that that smile was forceful,almost too fake to be a response to the wet kiss on the cheek?Because truly,because all he could see was the side of your face,the left side of it,he couldnt and didnt see the look on you.But there you are,in the picture,within the edges of the 3x5,trying.Though subtle,but trying.

Don't know why Tori just smiled
Mentioned something 'bout how you were right
Must have been
hard to see through the tears she was hiding

Relationships are not like eyes or ears,the attributes of our faces.Without one eye you still see,without one ear you still hear with the other.Relationship is not about compromises,it is not the basis on which love works on.It does not work upon the gears of compromises,but rather the gears of trust.Relationship is like your heart,and one side does not work independent of the other.You do not say,"I trust him only at times,at not other times",because relationship does not work on half-hearted hearts.A heart works on a whole,and the failing of a part is the death of one.You do not say,that i trust you today,and doubt you tomorrow.

Remember the question that i posed to you,the story i told you about.The friend of mine i told you about,the one who broke up with her boyfriend due to the lack of trust,only after six long years of relationship.Do not realise it only at the very end,for 'Trust' is the very basis in all relationships.You do not build your caste upon quicksand,and you do not use "I dont know" to deny and excuse yourself just because,one half of the solution of your problem isnt something you are willing to accept.

She said "I might not be seeing him soon
I got a few things I've been waiting to do"

Hey, Tori came by, Tori came by tonight
Hey, Tori came by, she says to say goodbye

Like i said,the moment the nudge came through my speakers,the moment your chat window blinked in the toolbar,you knew the answer to your own question.You know what i was going to say,and you knew that one of the possibilities is to break up with him.As i have said,everybody has solutions to their problems,but because they are usually undesired,they are tucked away at the very back of your emotional closet,behind a bunch of dirty socks and underwear.But the truth is,once you realise the truth,once you have the courage to dig it out from the back of the drawer,you will be a totally different person,simply because you had the courage to DO something about the current situation.

I will not say,"Break up",or say "Go on".I am not in the place to do such things,because no matter how deeply i am involved,i am never involved enough.I do not think i have the right to dictate your feelings,but only the right to have you realise your mistakes.There is no need for "Thank Yous",because i merely placed your hand on the knob to the drawer,and you pulled the drawer opened yourself.Thank yourself,if need be,and not be.Because that is the job of me,in a way,as a friend,to be here.To be nudged and visited upon when your hands feel weak and your fingers are numb,when you havent the strength to pull open the drawer.I am always here,and this is a job,a job of mine.

Looked outside at the car in the drive
And the suitcase on the backseat inside
Sure it's so, she can't look out behind at the road
She said "I might not be seein him soon
I've got a few things I've been waiting to do"

The forceful smile remains unchanged,the kiss frozen in time.You are still smiling at me,but are you,truthfully?Or were you seeing yourself in the little reflection of the lenses of the camera,looking at yourself through it,no bigger than the first section of your pinky.There you are,smaller than usual,in the black and white world of the camera's reflection,being kissed by your lover and pretending to have all smiles,all happy about it.Were you mocking at yourself,for your foolishness for not realising,for not opening up the drawer?

The decision ultimately lies with you,like so many people have told you i am sure.Everybody is better than who they think they are,and you are no exception.There is no need to confide in others,when you are your own best friend to confide to.And you'd never know,how many answers to your own life might already be there,waiting to see the light of you,to see your head at the end of the drawer,peeking in through the layers of dirty socks and underwear.They are only waiting Sour Pea,only waiting.

Don't look down, she seemed alright
You might be asking where is Tori tonight
Somewhere out on the highway
I'm sure that she's fine