In Continuum.

Death's Whispers

Yes.

The voice said,as William Parrish collapsed to the ground,grasping at his heart.The feeling was back,the spasms of pain he felt only days ago in his office,and now it was back to haunt him once more,in the deep dark of his home's private library,with blue lights dancing off the shelves of books,and him kneeling on the floor,groaning in pain and agony.

Yes.

Sweat poured from William's forehead,and he tried to call out for help.But the grip around his heart tightened,suffocating the rest of his body of blood,then robbing him of the air around him from his lungs.He gasped for hair,reached out for the door and then collapsed once more onto the floor,eyes closed and his life racing past his vision.

Yes.

The voice said once more.William looked into the shadows,and there behind the glass at the other end of the room was a shadow of a man hiding.But the voice did not come from the man,but a voice from above.In fact,it was all around him now,repeating the same word over and over as the pain pulsated arond his heart and all over his body.It was probably the trick of the mind,he managed to think.It probably was his brain playing tricks on him on the verge of his insanity.The pain was eating him up,breaking him down,and he found himself squeezing the words out of his mouth.

'Yes to what?'

'Yes to the question you just asked.' the voice replied.

'What question?I didn't ask any questions!'

'Yes,you did.'

'You mean...that?'

'Yes.'

'Am i going to die?'

'Yes.'

*

The above was a scene from Meet Joe Black,a great great movie i saw a couple of years ago.I'm not sure why so many people disliked it,but i personally loved the movie.It was that subtle beauty to the movie that attracted me,and the idea of Death taking a vacation and falling in love with a human was rather interesting.But anyway,that scene happened when Death first approached Anthony Hopkin's character in the movie,as he was suffering from a heart attack,and wondered if he was going to die soon.And that scene came to me,as i was in bed one night this week in camp,when everybody were sound asleep and i was in my cocoon.The same feeling mustve struck him at that time,or at least his character,as he kneeled in the library,crying out in agony.I didnt cry out of course,but i remember that painful grip around my heart,tightening its grip and then squeezing every ounce of life out of it,until all that came out of my mouth were short breaths and soft groans.

*

Yes.

Yes.

*

My friend called it heart burns,but i wasnt sure.I've been having that problem for a long time,but it's been more frequent lately.I have no idea why,but whenever i feel that i tell myself it is going to be like the passing wind,that it is going to be over soon enough.Sure,that is exactly what happens after a few agonizing seconds of pain,speeding through the veins of my body and then burying deep claws into my skin and everything else.They never lasted for more than a second or two,but lately they have been longer and more frequent.

It was late at night,and like i said i was in my usual cocoon,with the rest of the world minding their own businesses in their dream worlds.I was half awake,listening to the sound of the fan,and the wind making my blanket flutter.Just as i was about to fall asleep,the drowsiness coming over me like a oceanic wave,it came.

A hand reached into my chest,grabbed hold of my heart and the twisted it first to the right and then left.The vessels around it were twisted with it,and then it was yanked from its position towards the ribs,then squeezed with so much force my eyes opened up wide,staring into the darkness of my cocoon,then letting out a soft moan,gripped my chest with my right hand and then feeling the beating of my heart against the tips of my fingers,as if it was calling out for help.My breath was out,i couldnt breathe.My knees retreated into my chest,and i hugged them as the pain went on for a minute or so.

I couldnt breathe,at least not properly,and then it seized all over a sudden,letting go of it's grip.My heart settled back to its position,and then the night was still once more.I panted,hand still over my chest.My eyes were wide opened then,my life flashing by my eyes like film rolls.It was vivid,going past my eyes like photographs in technicolour.But most of all,the images that came were the ones that came into my dreams,the dreams that i so very much wanted to come true.My future,the desired future of mind,all of them came and went through the dead of the night.

*

Yes,he said.

Yes.

*

I dont have the healthiest family in the world.But then again,compared to so many less fortunate families out there,i guess my family is rather well off.Like,a child suffering from cancer as compared to a child suffering from constant flu.My family is like the latter,and i hear my father's loud coughs coming from the bedroom in the middle of the night at times,or spontaenously in front of the television,going none stop for a couple of minutes straight.

My mother forced him to do a check up once,though he dismissed it as mere coughs.My mother was - I admit - rather paranoid about this whole issue.I remember her telling me in the car about this,that it wasnt because my father had symptoms of throat cancer as she suspected earlier,but rather the fact that the mucus from my father's nose flowed backwards into his throat,causing those coughs.

My mother is a health-freak.She has books after books about vitamins,vitamin pills,cancer,age related diseases,heart related diseases,everything.I think if she is capable of remembering everything from those books,she might be able to start a private clinic.After all,she has been my private doctor for twenty full years.Anyway,she watches her diet a lot,staying away from meat and,you can call her a part-time vegetarian really.She eats so little meat,and never smokes or drinks.

But a medical screening a couple of years ago found strange bubble-like objects in my mother's chest.The doctor said that it was like a Play-Do.It had the possibility to develop into anything from a minor muscle growth to a potential cancer cell.It depended on how the player shaped the piece of clay,and that depended a lot of on my mother's diet too.So the X-Rays came back,and we all saw it.Three or four white dots in her chest,like as if somebody drew them on the plastic sheet with a white marker.It looked so harmless i thought,so insignificant.Yet,it changed my mother's life,and her outlook of it especially.Most of all,it reminded us just how vulnerable we can all be,under the dictative hand of Death himself,and the way his sickle gleams ever brightly in the dead of the night.

*

Yes,he said once more.

Yes.

*

So there i was in my cocoon,hand still grasped over my chest.The images of my future,the ones that might not occur,flashed inside my cocoon before my eyes like a movie screening.

I saw myself carrying luggages at the Paris airport.I saw myself playing in a dark bar with Josephine.I saw myself going back to school with a file full of crumpled papers.I saw the end of my school days and the publication of my first book.I saw my mother hugging me and crying in joy,while my father had his hand on my shoulder.I saw the myself in theatres watching so many movies,and i saw myself old with a wife and children.I saw the car i am going to drive,and the house i am going to live in.I saw my children running towards the beach with a kite and a picnic basket in my hands.I saw Josephine in my son's arms,and i saw the books that i am going to buy and read in the future.I saw herself and me hand in hand,and i saw us running in the rain...I saw...I saw...I saw so many things,things that have not yet,and might never,come to past.

*

Yes,for the last time he whispered.

Yes.

*

I havent yet made my mom feel proud,though she claims to feel so.I havent made myself proud,before an audience of avid book readers.I havent completed any of my books,and i havent read so many more.I havent told the girl i liked that i loved her more than anything in the world,and i havent gotten married.I havent told my friends just how much i appreciated them,and i havent told my family just how important they are to me.I havent done so many things,so many things.And yet in that bed of mine late at night,all i could think about was the emptiness in my heart that followed the pain,the ache it left behind,the impending doom...

*

Give me time!
Give me more time!
Oh Lord of Death,
Time!

*

I pulled her close,the grass underneath our clothes were wet.The night breeze brushed softly over the green grassy field,the night lamps glowed quietly in the distance.They lined the horizon of the field,the edge of it shining like the city lights far off.In the middle of the field we embraced,the wind coming over us and blowing in our hair and over our skin.The night was young,the stars were up.In the night sky,Orion shone with such pride,admiring the beauty of the two entangled bodies,careless of the world and so secretly in love.It was our grassy field,it was our world.It was a place,somewhere only we know.

Her hair fell into my face,drowning my features and then overpowering the smell of grass.The scent of her hair,overwhelming and addictive.I ran my fingers through them,down her neck and back.The warmth of her body against mine,the soft pressure of it as the night ticked on slowly.The dried tears remained in the corner of her eyes,the lingering sadness overtaken by a smile that stretched from ear to ear.Her hair flowed in the soft breeze,her fingers danced upon my arms like tiny dancers.The sensation,the tickling of the fingertips against my skin,the welling up of sudden emotions of peace and magic.There it was,right in front of me,the reason why they called that moment,present.

Her eyes widened,staring into mine.The trace of tears were no longer found.The lights from the residence shone,but we were so careless of them all.Our fingers locked,the gaps filled.The faces came close,and our hands ran into each others' hair,messing them up into a giant jumble of black wire.Her lips met mine,the breath from her nose came in contact with mine.The embrace was now stronger,tighter and then passionate.It wasnt lust,or want,or even the most basic emotion of goodness.It was peace,and it was magic.It was comfort,and it was beauty.It was security,and it was everything...

*

'Hey?'
'What is it?'
'Can i tell you something?'
'Sure.'
'I love you...'

I love you.

*

Yes.

Yes.