In Continuum.

Masquerade

Masquerade!
Paper faces on parade...
Masquerade!
Hide your face,
So the world will
Never find you!

Masquerade!
Every face a different shade...
Masquerade!
Look around -
There's another
Mask behind you!

It's that period of the school year again!Or rather,that special period of the school life in general.You know that it is never going to be the same stepping out of JC life - which is in itself an oxymoron - into University life.Supposedly,that said before that A levels is the worst part of your school life.Pull through that an everything is a breeze.But trust not in those foolish words,because in University,the professors and lecturers have a pact made to cram projects,assignments,essays and tests into one single week.And i kid you not,even as an outsider i know a lot.

But anyway,that's not the point of this post.The point is,however,that no matter what is bestowed upon you,what awaits you in the future,there will always be a special night awaiting every last one of the JC students.That is of course,if you can afford to have that special night,prepare for it and of course live up to it.Prom nights,a lot of those happening nowadays all around the major hotels in town.All around,you see beautiful people being beautiful,or trying to be so,walking around in colourful gowns(Though mostly black),and glimmering accessories with newly done hair.They are everywhere these days,hand in hand with their best friends walking towards the venue of the prom.Oh,look at those young innocent faces,you almost feel sorry for their naivety.Prom nights are over-rated,and i am not even sulking about it in any way.I know i had it bad,but let's admit it's probably not going to go down your list of events,being in any way more memorable than say,a sports meet.

Instead of feeling sorry for those beautiful looking youngsters - though with that sentence i sounded ten years older - i felt more sorry for myself two years ago,right about the time now.I was actually excited about the prom night in NYJC.I actually headed back to Taiwan just so i could buy a suit,shoes,shirt and my hair done beforehand.You know how those Hollywood movies pinnacled the prom night as THE night of your life.Losing of virginity aside,which a lot of those movies tend to express,you are supposed to get high,get drunk,and get high somemore.Somewhat like a wedding,but with no strings attached.You just party your heads off,because you know one part of your life is over,and the best thing was nobody cared about when the next part is going to begin.Everybody partied the night away,puked their guts out and drank somemore.

That wasnt the mentality that i had in mind.Being the sentimentalist that i am,i was looking forward to the prom from a different pespective of course.It was my last hoorah,the last chance to express myself in front of this narrow crowd,however narrow they might be.On the plane back from Taiwan days before the prom itself with my mother as my fellow traveler,i remember giving calls and then making last minute arrangements with my friends here in Singapore regarding the day itself.I was making a big fuss about it,but it is not like i was alone in that big hoo-hah.

To my horrors,my great sister back then was kind enough to take both the cameras we had at home back to Taiwan.For what reasons,i had no idea.I looked through her whole room trying to find the cameras,but both of them were gone.Calling her up,she talked as if it was natural for her to take two cameras with her,claiming that she needed them to take pictures of Energy during some fucked up concert of theirs.I remember blowing up on the phone and slamming it down,then screaming at the stupidity of my sister and most of all,her selfishness.Oh,look at all the glamour my sister had,how well it was documented on her own camera and now,ridding me of an opportunity to document my own.It was two years ago of course,but the problem is that she hasnt changed her mentality,not much.At least she offered me her camera when i went to India,and later for my European trip as well.Guilt,perhaps.But who cares.

The worst part of an anticipation is an antocipation died down.The morning of the prom,my excitement for it was soon turned into boredom and laziness.I didnt want to go for it anymore,as much as i didnt want to head outdoors.The clouds were gathering outside,and i remember it raining badly,the moment i arrived at Hougang Mall for my haircut.So the mood was already turned down with the rain,tempting me to jump into bed and forget about the fact that i paid ninety odd dollars for the food and function.

"Your hair is too long to spike!",the stylist at the shop said.And that was AFTER she attempted to style my hair,and i actually had to pay for it.From an average hair that i had,now i looked like there was a bird's nest sitting on top of my head,literally.She said she couldnt get the hair to stand because it was too long.Even now,i wonder why she didnt actually tell me that earlier,and i wouldve asked her to cut it for me.She told me AFTER she styled it,if you call that styling at all.It was more like putting a bunch of styling cream to the hair and then flatterening the top.I looked like a Play-Do dummy who was dropped from the tenth level of a HDB,head first.I passionately hated my hair that day,and took things into my own hands,changing the hairdo in Ahmad's home toilet afterwards.

With no camera and a good enough hair,the suit was my only saving grace as i entered Swiss Hotel.I remember blogging about it,but i dont have the mood to go back to that old blog to check my old writings out.I'm sure like now,i probably wasnt interested in the very bit to know whatever happened.The bloody masquerade,people wearing masks all over.One single night to look good,one single night to run away from yourself by being somebody else in entire.Looking great and smelling great,even for that mere couple of hours,everything was worth it.But nobody really thought about the waking up the very next morning,and how you are going to be plunged back to reality,back to your ugly self and stripped of the beautiful gowns.Nobody cared,and neither did i,even if i wanted to.I was too busy being pissed off with my sister seven thousand miles away in Taiwan and the retarded stylist back in Hougang Mall.

The evening went on by in a rather uneventful manner.Just imagine,the fake smiles and the fake hugs.Masquerade without the masks,people putting on skin masks to cover up their real emotions.The huge function hall was a narrow passage for those narrow people,with tables and chairs clammered together,almost making me difficult to breathe.I spent most of the time outside the event's venue,taking frequent long deep breaths with my friends,similarly disinterested in the going-ons behind doors.Everybody knew,despite it being the first prom they've ever been to,what was going on behind closed doors.Picture it yourself now then: Drinks and food,retarded emcee trying to push the crowd into an ice-breaking frenzy,stupid games with unwilling participants,bad music and of course more retarded jokes by the emcee.I remember the emcee being disrespectful to my friend WanJun,all because she wore a dress that had such a low cut,it hung somewhere between her breasts.He was literally howling at her from the stage,which i thought was rather inappropriate.

Of course,at the end of the night i joined back in a tried my very best to enjoy myself.But it was to no avail,trying to fake a smile and wear a mask myself.Too many narrow people,shattered expectations and the frustration was growing inside of me.I wanted dearly for the ceremony to end,and while everybody else had nothing but the heavy partying in mind afterwards,i had the enlistment in my head,spinning around like a coin.Head-flower,head-flower,head-flower...I was driving myself crazy.

I hated prom night,and i hated everything about it.Sure,the last picture i took that night right before i jumped into the cab was with the beautiful and cute Yilin,but still i couldnt hide the disappointments that i had with the prom.Whatever happened to the smiles and the laughs?The real ones,that is.All undercover,all under those bloody masks on a masquerade.I say burn down those masks,burn down the place and then shatter the chandelier.Destroy the place,and it mightve been more eventful.Because really,with the one special night back then,instead of it being memorable in a good way,i am still trying desperately to shake off the horrors and the disappointments that followed swift after.