In Continuum.

Vacation/Obligation

I remember the last days of my stay in Taiwan when i was a kid,unwilling to fall asleep on the last night and unwilling to wake up the next morning,if i fall asleep at all.I had so much fun back then,the way nothing mattered because it was the school holidays.I didnt even care about the assignments given by the English teachers,especially the cursive writing ones because i thought they were pointless,and R&R in Taiwan absolutely preceeded over those mundane tasks.Coming back here back then was such a vacation,in its most true and elemental form.

But nowadays it has become more of an obligation than a vacation.I mean,sure back then i had obligations as well.Meeting relatives being the most part of it,i hated those obligations to fulfill before i have my own fun.It's nothing to do with meeting them really,but the fact that they are such surface-deep individuals just make me sick to the stomach at times.They are not the most welcoming bunch of people in my opinion,with the majority of my father's family into the same oil business.Sure they are filthy rich people,appearing in Taiwanese financial magazines and stuff,with my father's big brother actually worthy of twenty billion dollars.But i never liked their company,never liked their standard between-relatives type questions.They just feel forced as if all of them had a template handed to them or something.

It is made worse by the fact that my grandparents' birthdays fall on the December period - my school holiday period.That's the biggest gathering of such skin-deep relatives in the whole year ever,and i always remember the heavy feeling in my chest whenever the car pulls up in front of some grand,fancy hotel or five-star hotel for the dinner.I always tried to put on a mildly interested face as i burst through the double doors,with my mother constantly nudging me at my side,reminding me to be nice,to be nice,to be nice.But that determination shatters five minutes into the dinner every single time,enclosing myself within myself,plugging the iPod into my ears and mouthed the lyrics to a random song,any song.Who the hell listens to an iPod on a dinner party with your relatives?Yours,truly.

You know how those relatives come up to you when you are alone in the corner and asks you stupid questions?Mine does that all the time,with generic questions so dumb i feel like kicking them in the toodles and be done with it.From my age to my height,from my academic achievements to the duration of my stay in Taiwan.Let's face it,none of them are truly interested in knowing anything about me,and i am being totally honest here when i tell you that i have no interest in answering you whatsoever.But because of my parents,i had to.How nice of you to ask how old i am - though i know you couldnt care less - but you might as well ask me about my sexual orientation.At least that couldve brought up some very interesting discussions over the table,or are you money-filled minds too numbed to discuss anything more than cold hard cash?

The vacation aspect of it is almost gone now.It used to be visiting old friends,doing shopping and eating nonstop at street corners.That was the highlight of the trip last time.But right now,with my old friends drifting slowly away in their old lives and the price hikes everywhere,i find no reason to visit Taiwan most of the time.I just miss the food too much to remain in Singapore forever.Personally,i remember telling my mother just how little things i can do in Taiwan,how limited my activities are.Not that i lack imagination,but really because i have all that i need in Singapore.

I miss those days when i used to cry at the airport,unwilling to go knowing that the next time im coming back would be half a year,or even a year from my departure.But the last two trips have been shortlived,and i dont even care too much about it.I'm back here for the food,the little aspect of the vacation i am still trying to save,trying to hide - hiding from the ongoing consumption of Mr. Obligation's hunger.I guess now that i am older,i just have this raging desperation to see more parts of the world i have yet to see,and not the country i've grown so unfamiliar with and so used to altogether.It's strange isnt it?I have no idea why i am feeling this way,to long and not want to stay for too long.It's wrong,isnt it?