In Continuum.

A Funeral Of Raining Confetti

Previously,there was a trend all around the world,particularly in the richer population,to have preparations for your own funeral before your death.To sit through your own funeral,see the proceedings and the attendance,see through the events leading up to the moment when the coffin is sealed,sent off to the cemetery and then buried six feet under.That is what usually happens on a funeral,but the only difference is that usually it involves the presence of a dead body.But because people have been getting richer and richer everyday,they are running out of ideas to splurge their money when they could've donated a hearty sum to the dying kids of Africa.But no,they splurge their money on their own funeral,and make sure that they attend them as well.It is a little perverse if you think about it,but i guess these people probably had so much power in life,that in death they would want the same control as well.

Anyway,i wonder how it is like to prepare for your own funeral.Especially the people attending the funeral though,wouldn't it be weird to cry for a person who is still healthy and breathing?It troubles me though,that in order to create that very real and sad atmosphere,people might be persuaded to cry when there isn't a need to at all.It must've been an amusing sight really,to see people crying over the death of a living person.But then again,like i said,people have no better place to spend their money,apparently.

Such thoughts came to me one night,when i received four invitations to attend their 21st birthday parties in a single week.In fact,four days in a raw,back to back to back to back.Yeah,what are the odds?Having no reasons to skip any of them because of another,i am in a desperate dilemma here.I know,they probably invited me and not others for a reason,but I'm still very appreciative of my time alone with people i know,and not a whole room of people forced to gathering within the vicinity of one another simply because we have one common friend.I hate the idea of that,the idea of birthday parties and of a room full of people I'm not even acquainted with.It's like a very bad orientation really,but without the ice-breakers or the couple dances.Just the icing on the cake and the parade around the birthday boy/girl.Yeah,i hate birthday parties,but what choice do i have?

But really,i don't see the big deal about turning 21.I mean,sure 21 is a big number,but why celebrate when you are 21 when you could've done it when you turned 20?Isn't that why people celebrated the coming of the year 2000 and not 2001?Yeah,it was the millenium,and it comes once every one thousand years.But let's face it,when the clock ticked pass twelve midnight,it didn't seem any different from any other new years.Similarly,your 21st birthday is probably not going to be very much different from your other birthdays essentially.Just the emptying of your wallet and the mess that is left afterwards.I bet you haven't thought about the clearing up,but only the party itself,right?It's okay,we humans don't usually think about consequences.We are such irresponsible creatures in nature.

And no Jane,i am not being pessimistic about turning 21.90% of my friends are going to turn 21 this year,and about the same percentage are going to throw a party for sure.Not that i will be invited to each and every one of them,but i expect myself to be in similar dilemma in the future.But i wonder though,what is there to celebrate about.Other than the fact that you have full excess to certain clubs and to R21 movies,i don't really see the deal behind the big hoo-hahs people seem to be giving to this supposedly sacred number.They probably don't realise that the number 21 marks the departure of yourself from your youth,those beautiful teenage years when you could afford to be stupid.I mean,back then people would point fingers sure,but at least you had the excuse to be this way or that,but not anymore.By 21,we are supposed to be sensible adults,we are supposed to be this way and that,and no more of those fooling around like you did on your sweet sixteenth birthday.This is probably the very last time anything is going to seem sensible by being anything but.

So the coming of one's 21st birthday seems to be the celebration of one's decay,one's death.I know the idea is rather far fetched,but we are all going through the old chinese saying of one's life.Going through the four stages: Birth,Aging,Illness,Death.We are currently at the second stage,by throwing a great big party to celebrating the coming of our aging physical self.We all tend to think,and want to think that it is okay for our body to disintegrate and succumb to our old age because our souls can remain as young as we want.But really,i don't think anybody can be very encouraged to see those loose skin under your chin and the saggy breasts in ten,twenty years.

By throwing a party at 21 just seems rather ridiculous to me.I mean,your age officially starts with the number 2,and you are happy about it?Yes Jane,you can see this as a gathering of your friends because this is the last time you can do so.But then again,who says that you cannot throw a random party for no apparent reason at all?Why on your 21st birthday?Or do you want to be with the friends you made when you were still young and wild,still innocent and childish without a cause,to feel that perhaps it is okay for you to decay the way you are because everybody else would too sooner or later.To remind yourself that these friends are still around at the beginning of the end for you,it is comforting for you isn't it?No,i am not being pessimistic here,mind you.Just realistic,always being realistic.

It's like raining confetti on one's funeral,to celebrate the beginning of your death.We are not villains of the society here,people do not parade the streets or pull our statues down because we were captured,or facing the ropes at a stand.We are not enemy of the states,so why throw a party for ourselves just to celebrate this strange,odd and in a way,petrifying age of 21?

I don't honestly know what i am going to do with my own 21st birthday.I am probably going to spend it,the way i usually do with all the other birthdays: Nothing.I haven't been doing anything for so many birthdays that,i don't even recall when was the last time i got genuinely excited over it.In fact,i get excited over the littlest things on birthdays.Birthday wishes via the phone are my greatest consoles,to know that it is perhaps okay,to feel a little older but never old.The thought scares me a little to be honest,to be older again when the image of my last birthday is still vividly engraved in my head.Time seems to pass by so quickly when you are young,but towards the end of one's life everything slows down to a dead crawl.Like now,sitting in front of the computer days after the year 2007 started,i am awaiting my own tick of the clock to my 21st birthday.Two full decades on this planet plus one more year,what is the significance of this,really?I have not a clue.

But one thing is for sure though,i have to decide on whose funeral to attend this weekend,whose hands to shake and make him or her feel better about their beginning of the end,of adulthood and the loss of innocence.It's a morbid attitude to bring to a party,but i guess in a way,we all have to be comforted one way or another,in some points of our lives,even if it means that we have to rain confetti on our funerals,right?