In Continuum.

House of Evergreen

People have the right to fly
And will when it gets compromised
Their hearts say," Move along"
Their mind say," Got your heart"
Let's move it along,
Let's move it along...

This song, "Wheel" by John Mayer totally gets to me all the time. There are people going on and on about how cute he looked with that acoustic guitar while singing "Your Body is a Wonderland", or how sexy he is as a blues man playing "Good Love Is On the Way" with the trio, but personally when I am listening to this particular song, I just picture this broken down guitarist in his room playing that song to the wall with balls of crumpled tissue around and it is 3am, and he cannot get to sleep. I guess that is how songs have this power over us humans, they pull at our heartstrings because they mean different things to different people at different times, and this song pulled me through a lot of those times knowing that there is this somebody out there feeling exactly the way I was feeling.

Which was comforting in a way because most of the time when you ask for comforting, most of the people you go to are going to give you very standard advices or comforts. More often than not, you are going to tell yourself that you've already heard the voice in the back of your head telling you such things, to keep faith in life. Like a famous quote by a person I cannot remember, he stated," Faith is the voice in the back of your head to tell you to listen to the voice in the back of your head". I remember reading that on the toilet bowl one day from the Reader's Digest and thought it to be true. Because really, instead of hearing the words of others, I think we all possess the answers to our own questions.

Airports see it all the time
When someone's last goodbye
Blends in with someone's sigh
'Cause someone's coming home
In hand a single rose

I was doing this relationship quiz over at OK!Cupid the other day when I came upon this very cliche question asking if you believe in the theory of "One True Love", and I casually replied no, an answer which I don't think I would've put a couple of months ago. Like I said in the other entry concerning movies, it is always interesting to examine one's personality through different phases of your life, and that is of course where blogs come in. Anyway, a couple of months ago I was hopeful about this whole love issue. I used to believe that there is a person out there for everybody, this one person that is going to connect. But these days I just seem to think otherwise about it, to think that it is impossible to fall for this one person and nobody else in your whole life. I'm not being cynical about it really, just perhaps a little realistic? I don't know, it's one of those things that we cannot afford to be wistful about.

And that's the way this wheel
Keeps working now
That's the way this wheel
Keeps working now

And I won't be the last
No, I won't be the last
To love her...

I guess when you are loving somebody, there is another part of you that warns you about the loss as well. The problem with most couples is that they probably don't have that thought in mind at all I would imagine. Of course, they do think about it once in a while, but they don't exactly come up with plans as to what they are supposed to do at that very moment of break-up, or the life that follows swiftly after. They brush the thought aside, sweep it under the rug and then go on with your day as per normal.

We cannot afford to do that really, because we can't build a house with leaves and call it evergreen, we cannot expect that this house is going remain as it is for ever because there is always a change in seasons, and the house you live in is going to wither if you think it to be an everlasting thing. Thinking about a love that lasts forever is a romantic and pleasant thought sure, but at the same time there is this on-going fear of what happens when a person decides to say "I don't love you anymore" and leaves. The life that comes afterwards and everything that follows, there is always this fear lurking around in my mind, to understand that I am in a happy relationship right now but at the same time, accept and embrace the possibility that she is going to leave any day.

You can't build a house of leaves
And live just like you're in evergreen
It's just a season thing
It's just this thing the seasons do

And that's the way this wheel
Keeps working now
that's the way this wheel
Keeps working now

And you won't be the first
No, you won't be the first
To love me...

It's probably one of those automatic defense systems that humans possess, especially after a heart break yourself. Once experienced, you are probably going to be more and more defensive and cynical about this whole deal. Once broken, you piece yourself together and with the leftover material you build a wall all around you. Once in a while you let a guest into this house that you build - which is no longer built of leaves but rather with solid bricks - and once in a while the guest feels comfortable in your place and you feel the same way about her presence. But the walls will always stand and the windows will always remain, how long do we take to take down the walls and the windows that we build for ourselves, to let others in at will? I think the fear of pain is in everybody, and that we all take time to rid ourselves of them and most of all, self-doubt.

You can find me
If you ever want to give
I'll be around the bend
I'll be around the bend
I'll be around,
I'll be around...

There is nothing more in this post than what is already written in the song. I guess that is why I respect this man so much and crave for one day he decides to come down to Singapore for a show, even if it is just one show. This man relates to me in a very creepy way I have no idea where we've met before. But of course, I am sure a million teenage girls out there sort of thinks the same way about me, and the most part of them just wants to marry him for whatever reasons. But for me, I just want to meet this person and tell him in his face that he spelled the deepest and darkest doubts about life, about love and myself and brought me through them knowing that somebody else out there feels the same way as I do, and he dares to share his emotions with the world while I box myself up inside. Here's the rest of this beautiful song, enjoy it while it lasts. Because like it or not, this is the way the wheel keeps on working...

And if you never stop when you wave goodbye
You just might find if you
Give it time you will wave hello again
You just might wave hello again

And that's the way this wheel
Keeps working now
That's the way this wheel
Keeps working now

You can't love too much one part of it
You can't love too much one part of it

I believe
That my life's gonna see
That love I give
Returned to me...