In Continuum.

Same Old Brand New Life

Any minute now, my ship is coming in
I'll keep checking the horizon
I'll stand on the bow, feel the waves come crashing
Come crashing down down down, on me

The moment I poured the old stationaries out of the pencil case, along with the broken pencils and the pens with the dried up tips, were balls of dust balls collected over the years and a distinct smell of mold from the inside. It's been too long since I touched my pencil case, or touched a pen for that matter, to write anything more than my name or I.C. number. I've been away from school for too long, and I remember telling Valerie just what a dork I was when I couldn't differentiate between a 'Martini' and a 'Matinee', a sure sign of being out of the education system for too long. Though I never was a great fan of the system, two years of army life was enough to be welcoming to a new kind of life - any kind of it.

So armed with the same old pencil case but filled with brand new stationaries, I was ready to head back to school all over again. Having survived the first three days of this new life, I can safely say that it has been infinitely better than the first three days of the previous life I had: The military life. The first three days were the worst days of that life, and I remember some time in the afternoon of the third day was when I saw myself bald in the mirror for the very first time, after a dozen embarrassed glances at it through the corner of my eyes through reflections. At least this time, our palms are not on the sun-baked tarmac, and there aren't any sergeants above your head, asking you if you can feel the 'juice' in between the butt cracks.

And you say, be still my love
Open up your heart
Let the light shine in
But don't you understand
I already have a plan
I'm waiting for my real life to begin

I can't say it has been a perfectly enjoyable three days, that it resembles the halls of Heaven, or any analogies that comes close to that. After all, waking up at anything before ten in the morning has never been my style of life, they don't call me 'nocturnal' for nothing. Also, squeezing the air out of your lungs in the mornings in trains and buses at peak hours is not the most lovable thing to do either. In my mind, I associate those hours of the morning with pretty sunrises, birds soaring just inches above the placid waters of a lake, the crispy air of the winter morning accompanied by friendly old neighbors greeting you with their smiles. Instead, this is what I get every morning:

To begin, the moment you enter any buses or trains, you are going to be greeted by gloomy faced commuters, on their ways to work or school, feeling shitty about the fact that they woke up on the wrong side of bed. In fact, the side of the bed wouldn't have mattered much to their moods anyway, since the term 'working' is not the most pleasurable word in the dictionaries. As if the gloomy expressions are not enough, you will be surrounded by them from every angle possible on the bus or train. A point to note, that it is almost impossible for you to get a seat, because an empty seat on a train is like a drop of water in the Sahara. You are better off digging deep into the sand dunes for water sources than to look for one on the surface anyway. Of course, the bulk of the unpleasant things in the morning comes from all the squeezing and all the negativities on the commuters' faces. The mood changes drastically once I get to school and the day starts.

When I awoke today, suddenly nothing happened
But in my dreams, I slew the dragon
And down this beaten path, and up this cobbled lane
I'm walking in my old footsteps, once again

The feeling is pretty much the same with every lane or path that leads up to the school. It is inevitable to feel a sense of dread as you stray a step or two away from the middle of the pavement because of how dazed and tired you are from the lack of sleep. But at least right now, there is a sense of anticipation in my new school, a burning sense of curiosity and novelty inside my mind whenever I am heading there. I must admit, that I do not expect this sensation to last very long, but the least I can hope for is to have this novelty last me as long as the semester does, and renewed once the new semester begins again. In fact, I am not even sure if this new found optimism is going to last very long, once the REAL school life starts. But I guess, a bit of optimism can't hurt even a strand of hair on my head. It can get very tiring to be the kind of guy that goes for the 'Glass half empty' kind of theory to life anyway.

On the very first day of school, the assignments and the projects came pouring in. Of course, they were merely the future projections of what we will be doing. But still, to be given the course outline on a single piece of paper on the very first day that lays out everything can be quite daunting and intimidating all at once. After all, I bet nobody expected us to be planning on any projects on the very first day, but that is exactly what happened swiftly after the tasks were given. The tasks are interesting to say the least, and though I can see myself pulling more than just a few strands of hair out of my head, there is still a little light of hope that I am going to enjoy myself - somehow - when everything is said and done. It reminds me of the days in front of the computer, when my sister used to whine and complain about her course, all the while accomplishing projects after projects, assignments after assignments. I guess in a way, if there is a passion for a certain subject, then the workload really doesn't matter anymore. But of course, it doesn't hurt to whine either.

And you say, just be here now
Forget about the past,
Your mask is wearing thin
Let me throw one more dice
I know that I can win
I'm waiting for my real life to begin

Come back in a month or two, and I might give you a different report on my new life in school. But I guess, no matter how much my opinions about this new life is going to change, the differences between this life and the ones that I've had will always be there. One of them being, the textbooks themselves. In Secondary school and Junior College, though the contents of what they teach you is different, there is always a particular standard in the kind of things that are important, in relative to the things that are not. Not everything in textbooks are required for you to cram into your limited head space, and back then we were all trained to differentiate between the necessary and the negligible.

But the case is different now, because 'Communication' is a totally different subject from whatever that I have studied. Reading the text reminds me of one of those curious ventures into the pages of my family's encyclopedia collection. Everything just feels like something off the pages of an encyclopedia really, and as a normal person, I don't suppose one would know which is necessary and which is negligible. To be honest, reading through the text - as interesting as it may be - I have yet to grasp the idea of which to memorize for exams, and which to read through and be glad that I have read them before. It is a whole new different ball game in Universities, and at the third day of this new life, I am already noticing the vast difference.

Any minute now, my ship is coming in
I’ll keep checking the horizon
And I'll check my machine, there's sure to be that call
It's gonna happen soon, soon, soon
It's just that times are lean

But the basis of every education system is pretty much the same, and I intent to keep my old habits at bay in view of this new life ahead. Basically, just do as well as you possibly can in every subject, and be organized. That is why I have drawn up a filing system exclusive to myself, and while I have no idea if it is going to work to my advantage, at least I have some sort of a plan ahead of me. With the adventure spirit in my head, I have no fear of taking on new challenges in this life, because what is the worst that could happen? I have my friends, and they are such a bunch of admirable people that I enjoy myself with. If nothing else, at least I have made friends with them, and they have made the transition to this new life so much more enjoyable.

So thank you guys, for being who you are and what you are. Because into the course of a brand new life, it is impossible for anybody to be fearless and undaunted. But you guys brought forth that warm fuzzy feeling that I experienced only in school life into this new one that I have, and that is something I am truly grateful about. So thanks again, and to many more enjoyable times through the thickest and the thinnest. I think I mentioned the very same sentence just a few entries ago, but what the hell right? I cannot thank these wonderful individuals enough, anyway.

And you say, be still my love
Open up your heart, let the light shine in
Don't you understand
I already have a plan
I'm waiting for my real life to begin