In Continuum.

Photograph

Every memory of looking out the back door
I had the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye...

"Photograph" by Nickelback

I hate Nickelback.But hate is probably not the right word to describe how much i despise them.Im sure Chad Kroeger is a nice chap,and they are a bunch of nice rockers(How oxymoronic that sounded,huh?),but damn Chad please get a new haircut.I swear you have the absolute worst haircut in the history of Rock.Or rather,music.No,even Mozart had a better do.Stop comparing.

I couldnt stop laughing at the video with them holding a concert at Portugal,and they were forced to stop playing a song halfway throwing because the audience was throwing rocks at them.Then there's the remix this dude did over the internet,mixing two of their songs together into one,and sounding exactly the same.The latter,being the chief reason why i dislike them so much,the lack of creativity and perhaps,originality too(We dont need another soft-rock band with bad dos,really).Besides,the story behind their band name's pretty laughable,too.

However,i do respect something about them though.Chad Kroeger reminds me of Rocky sometimes,how somebody sucker punches him in the face and he falls flat on the floor.He gets up,wipe that blood off his lips and say,"Well,okay.Let's continue fighting." And he does,and finally he comes up with a decent song which even my favourite John Mayer praised in one of his interviews."Photograph" is a pretty cool song indeed,and i love the chorus above in particular.One which i held close to heart as i surfed through Friendster this afternoon.

It's kinda funny sometimes,how you do the exact things you've sworn never to do ever again.You keep telling yourself that you are no longer a kid,and that such issues should be treated in a more...matured way,i suppose.But i just cant,sometimes,to bring myself to that level of acceptance.To just,willingly agree that this is it,that there is no control over your fate,c'est la vie.Sometimes,just sometimes,i still ponder over the past and get all frustrated over it.Get all pissed off about it,get all worked up about it,then depression and sadness sets in,and i feel like shit altogether.

I hate it,but the way i felt when i saw your photo with that other guy.Seriously,i felt like through my handphone right out of the window and take the bloody bus to your house.I thought about it,even in the rain out in the field.When i was drenched and soaked in the vehicle and mud-coated.Even when it was 4am in the morning and i had an ET blade in my hands,blister covered.Even when i bashed through the woods,slicing the back of my hand against the thorns,i kept thinking how things couldve been,perhaps just a little more effort,perhaps just one word or two more to make it to that extra mile.I never made it,and i remember myself,on Thursday morning in the middle of nowhere,hugging myself to the cold morning air and falling asleep to the morning dew which seemed like tears.

But,like the lyrics.I guess Chad Kroeger sang it right this time."It's hard to say it/Time to say it".It's goodbye,and please do forgive me.I know i told you that i'd get over you.That i will learn life all over again,the life without you around to talk to all the time.Where is Lacuna Inc. when you really need it,where you can erase painful memories,just tear pages of memories out of your mental diary.After all,technically it is brain damage.But it is just on par with a night of heavy drinking,nothing i'd miss.Right?

I remember we took a photograph once,and it took a few miserable tries upon the train.The sun was setting,i remember,and you leaned in close because the frame of my handphone is too damn small.You smiled,just the same in the photograph i saw.It's just funny how,in both photos you looked the same,but such a drastic difference in emotions for me,eh?I only wish you happiness,but fuck the fact that im not the one giving it to you.Seriously,it's tearing me up inside so bad,i dont recognise myself anymore.I dont,i really dont.I cant stop asking questions...So many,many questions...

What if there was no lie
Nothing wrong,nothing right?
What if there was no time
And no reason,or rhyme

What if you should decide
That you dont want me there by your side?
That you dont want me there in your life...

What if i got it wrong
And no poet or song
Could put right what i got wrong
Or make it feel i belong?

"What If?" by Coldplay


PS. Chris Martin is disgustingly brilliant.