In Continuum.

Ride

The thought of being a ghost in the crowd never crossed my mind as a very encouraging one.The thought of death was and still is a fear in me i guess,more or less.I remember when i was a kid,a really young kid,i used to sneak up into my parents' room and ask my mother about death.How much i am afraid of it,the thought of an endless sleep(Though that sounds seamlessly appealing right now),the thought of your loved ones left behind,or myself being left behind.My mother always had her ways around things,and i remember late one night in her sheets,i asked in my kiddy voice,"What am i going to do,since life is going to end?" I couldnt see her face,but under her soft and sleepy voice she whispered,"Enjoy it."

Where i am now,i find the idea of being a ghost in the crowd pretty interesting,or enjoyable even.Of course,the literal idea of it still seems a little daunting to me,but i guess sometimes in life people have to take things a little figuratively.I love the anonymity of life sometimes,how you throw yourself into a nameless crowd and nobody gives a shit about you.That feeling of anonymity's so...liberating.

I remember a month or two ago i was taking a bus to a friend's house,and to be honest i havent a clue how to get there.I mean,i had directions but nobody was completely sure about them.They were not clearer than a guy on the street telling you,"Oh,it's right around the corner".Vague,yes.But then again,nobody was sure.

So i remember that late morning,i was on the bus with a directory in my hand.My Ipod plucked into my ears and banging my head to Groove Armada's "Hands of Time".Nobody on the bus knew me im sure,and i bet half of them were wondering if this kid at the back of the bus was on drugs,because nobody head bangs like he did.So there i was,drowning out the world with the volume on my Ipod,and i found myself totally anonymous on the bus to nowhere.

Im not sure if i am the only one,but i love bus rides to nowhere.The thought of not knowing where the bus takes you,is just like life sometimes isnt it?People just come and go,and sometimes they collide with you.Crash,even.But the bus has got its route to take,schedule to meet,day to end.Things move on...right?They move on.

Sometimes im so afraid to take this ride,you know.I mean,there's the cold aura between people.How people stare at you when they board the bus.How they always keep a safe distance from you,despite the most innocent of intentions.How they always retreat into the corner on a crowd train or bus.People are just so cold sometimes,and sometimes it gets freezing even on a hot day,my cold days in the sun.But that's part of the ride isnt it?You want to taste the adrenaline rush of the rollercoaster when it plunges from fifty metres,you have to make the slow agonizing climb to the top first.

On the bus ride to nowhere,sometimes it gets cold.Sometimes it's daunting,to know not what lies ahead.But the fact that you dont know anybody on the bus,how they are anonymous to you,and you to them,and you being anonymous to yourself too,makes you feel like you are in a safe place.I dont know how to explain it,i guess it is a more peaceful way of...how people cut themselves?Im just too big a chicken to do such things i guess.When i feel like disconnecting,i take an anonymous bus ride to nowhere.To know that you are not known,what a senseless thing to do huh?

Life, it's ever so strange
It's so full of change
Think that you've worked it out
then BANG
Right out of the blue
Something happens to you
To throw you off course
and then you

Breakdown
Yeah you breakdown
Well don't you breakdown
Listen to me
Because

It's just a ride, it's just a ride
no need to run, no need to hide
It'll take you round and round
Sometimes you're up
sometimes you're down
It's just a ride, it's just a ride
don't be scared
don't hide your eyes
It may feel so real inside
but don't forget it's just a ride


Just a Ride by Jem.