In Continuum.

Comfort Radius

Gay Indian Protestors,"Hey,we are Indians and we are gay!We represent the Gay Indian Community!"
Russell Peters' Dad,"That is disgusting!Indian men cannot be gay!"
Russell Peters,"Well Dad,we are having a population crisis back home.We can use a few gay Indians,if you know what i mean..."

Homosexuals,i am fine with them.Even if we are talking about male homosexuals.I think we are in the century that,because of all the discrimination that we had in the past centuries towards homosexuals(Hitler executing them and stuff),they have rose to this level that,they are no longer the abnormal aspect of our society.In fact,it is more common to hear the phrase,"Queer eye for the straight guy",than the other way round.Because really,homosexuals are as common as seeing non-homosexuals nowadays.I firmly believe that it is a mentality,and never something that is in the nature of somebody to feel that way towards members of the same sex.But despite that,i do have my limits,and this is the story of how that limit should never be crossed.

The above quote is from the stand-up comedy show Russell Peters did for Comedy Central,back in 2000 i believe.He started off the show with that,and that was the first time i fell in love with that man.I believe,aside from the three guys from Whose Line,he is the funniest person i have ever seen.He can make a racist joke and get away with it,fancy that!

Anyway,that joke was kind of what i thought about today at the dinner table.Not the dinner table in my dining room but,out at Paragon with Invis today over dinner at Coffee Club.And at the same time,i was thinking about an incident my father told me about once,when he was having this business meeting with his business associates at some bar,somewhere.

So the meeting went smoothly,and as courtesy you shake hands with your associates at the very end.I'm not sure,or rather he wasnt sure,if it was in any way,deliberate or not.But when he was shaking the hand of one of them,that person tickled my father's palm with his index finger.That was the common sign for affection between two men,and my father was positively terrified,even on his way home afterwards.

So there i was in the restaurant having my pasta and mud cake,and the India wator came along.I'm not sure why he asked me,and me only,but his ignorance of my friend's existence confused and irritated me quite a bit.Anyway,so here's how the conversation went:

Gay Indian,"Do you like Indian people?"
Me,"What,me?"
Gay Indian,"Yes,do you like Indian people?"
Me,"Well,yeah.I do,i guess..."
Gay Indian,"But i dont like chinese people."
Me,"Oh that's...that's sad."
Gay Indian,"Chinese usually like Malays more?"
Me,"I like Indian women.I think they are beautiful."
Gay Indian,"No,i dont like chinese people."
Me,"No,i was in India at the beginning of this year?And i think Indian women are attractive."

That was of course,the first contact.He refilled my glass of water three times,and left with an awkward smile afterwards.Invis kept laughing at me for that,and i thought it was okay.I mean,i was just being polite towards his oddness,and he was just being overly friendly as a waitor.I thought it was just a case of over-reaction from both sides,and that it was no big deal really.But that thought came crashing down from the heights of the Himalayans when he came back to pour me more water.

Gay Indian,"I'm sorry about just now."
Me,"What?"
Gay Indian,"I'm sorry about just now,i was just asking."
Me,"Oh,it's okay.Really."
Gay Indian,"How old are you?"
Me,"Twenty."
Gay Indian,"Oh,you look eighteen."
Me,"Do i?I'll take that as a compliment then."
Gay Indian,"That's because you are the most handsome here."

A bolt of lightning shot through my head then.Invis on the other hand,mustve choked on her gulp of water.I stared at her through the lenses of my glasses,begging her to help me out with the situation.But she was obviously enjoying the flirting of this gay motherfucker.So he went on blabbering...

Me,"You are only saying that because you want a tip,right.In India everybody asks for tips."
Gay Indian,"No,really."
Me,"Or maybe it's because the other other male in this restaurant now is a forty year old,married man."
[Gay Indian smiles]

So the situation was set.He invaded my comfort radius.I have a radius around me,that says,"To all homosexuals: Do not cross this line because if you do,you are going to have a rod stuff up your ass so deep you'd want to turn straight again".That is the comfort zone where i keep my distance,and if you stay outside of this circle you are fine.But if you invade this circle,you are automatically deemed as motherfuckers,and your disgusting actions will not be entertained.

So when i called for the bill,there wasnt anybody around.The chinese dude was serving another customer,while the Malay guy was just ignorant.He was the only one left,and i was desperate to leave the place.I hadnt got a choice,and waved to him for bill.

Gay Indian,"You called me?"
Me,"Yes,i called you."
[More smiles]

I wont say that i am terribly traumatized by this incident.But in fact,i found it rather amusing.I wasnt even embarrassed,which is why i am willing to share it with you guys.I find it a hilarious story to tell,and i guess in a way it is going to stay this way ten years down the road.But despite it being humorous,it doesnt mean that i am going to revisit that same Coffee Club anytime soon.Because really,the next time i am served by that faggot the conversation is going to be like this:

Gay Indian,"You are back!I remember you!"
Me,"Oh,motherfucking son of a bitch you are still here."
Gay Indian,"What?"
Me,"Woah,stay out of the circle man,i brought a chalk."
Gay Indian,"Chalk?What is that for?"
[I proceed to draw two meter circle around the table i am at]
Me,"I want the Malay guy to serve me.I want that Chinese guy to get my bill later.You,stay out of this circle so you wont get hurt."
Gay Indian,"What are you talking about?Dont you remember me?"
Me,"It is exactly because i remember you,that is why i am doing these protective measures,you sick freak."
Gay Indian,"But..."
Me,"No 'BUTS' now,now scram.You are taking up my oxygen."

Ouch,i know.But that is what you get when you cross the chalk-line.Fag.