In Continuum.

Going Solo

"Being a writer is a lonely job," she said. "You are alone all the time!"

I wanted to put my hand up during the QnA session,and retort whatever she just said about writers being lonely.You should know better,being a writer yourself,than being a writer is being alone,but not being lonely.Alone is a status,while being lonely involves the feeling of desolation.Havent you read enough books to know that?Oh sorry,you are an amateur writer.

I attended a programme organised by the National Arts Council and the National Library Board last Saturday i believe,a book launch of sorts.This book is the compilation of short stories written by members of a forum on the net,a forum full of writers from all over the world.Of course,this book is particularly written only by writers from Singapore,ranging from the age of 14 to 46.The programme,along with the book,is called "So You Think You Can Write A Novel?",and i decided to give it a shot,because when i quietly read the title of this programme my answer was,a loud and unspoken "YES!"

Four or five of the writers were there to share their works,and they all took turns to read extracts from their stories.I thought there was going to be some kind of talk about writing,getting your works published and recognised,all that stuff.But no,it was merely a session of story sharing,and then followed by a QnA session concerning the writers and the book.I was greatly disappointed at the material that i heard,because they were 70% fantasy/magic/sorcery based stories,and i wasnt impressesion.Not impressed at all.The worst part of all?Almost all of them sounded like that had a happy ending.

Anyway,i disagreed with the Malay girl(I believe her name is Sarah),and her claim about writers being lonely.I do agree with most of the time while you are at work,you are always alone with your computer,the words flowing out from the left hand side of a blinking cursor like what is happening right now,and then perhaps a cup of coffee to wake you up in the middle of the night.The truth is,we ARE very much alone when indulge in the process of creating something out of nothing,expressing our thoughts and then trying to tell a story you deem that is compelling enough for others to read.

But the truth is,i dont think we are lonely.Maybe just you,my dear Sarah,but not me.I read an interview with Ray Bradbury,the author of Fahrenheit 451,and he said that instead of dictating his characters,controlling them like a puppeteer to a puppet,he allowed the characters to speak to him,and the in term write them down in words.I try my best to adopt the same theory when it comes to writing my stories,allowing my characters to talk to me,to say what they want to say instead of me coming up with something for them.Of course,once in a while you have to interrupt their conversations by adding a little spice here and there,but most of the time it is them talking to me.So,how is that a lonely thing?Throughout the process you have people telling you what to do,what to write,how lonely can you get?

I think it comes with the package,us writers being alone.I was sitting in bunk the other night with the clock ticking by towards lights off.I was reading a book,and at that moment i had an idea for another short story.I took out this notebook of mine,and start jotting down some notes here and there about the basic plot progression as well as the characters.

I noticed,then,that on one side of the room,a small group of people were talking about computers and games,one or two guys were quietly snoring away in dreamland,next door there was a mini gambling den being set up,with a MahJong table and a mini-MahJong set.The truth is,i felt really out of place then,detached from the rest of the world and unable to fit in somehow.I felt the mask upon my face thickening when i smile to people,when i talk to others,when i try to fit in and start up a conversation.I didnt even know why i was even trying to do so,as if being alone was something terrible wrong and abnormal.

But then i realised that,i guess being a writer,being myself,it comes with the package.I am,in nature,different from all the people around me,and going solo in reality isnt something completely undesirable after all.

Anyway,a little sidenote here.I dont know if it is the ego speaking now,or if it is the cold hard truth.But i think that i am more capable than all the writers who compiled their stories in the books.I mean come on,a girl with eyes growing on her hair and turning all men who sets eyes upon her into stone,and then meeting the love of her life who JUST SO HAPPENS to be blind?I was at the back of the hall,rolling my eyes out at just how cliche and mediocre the whole story sounded.And that woman isn't even a teenager,but in her late twenties.The other girl who shared her story mumbled so badly that i fell briefly asleep on the chair.She was so disinterested in her own bloody story that,i doubt if there was anything worth listening to myself.

I understand that my stories are rather restricted to deaths,homosexuality and suicides(Which is,as i deem,different from mere deaths).But i am venturing outwards,not nearly as morbid as before.

My new story involves a girl born to a pair of crazy scientist parents,totally invisible.And because of her invisibility,she is kept in the house everyday because her parents didnt want the neighbours or her friends to talk about just how weird her daughter is.The invisible girl grew up restricted and confined,never tasting the sweetness of freedom,and always being ostrasized by her parents and her normal brother.One day she chanced upon an article in the magazines,about a newly established facility to accomodate such people.So one night she makes a run for the place,though she has no idea how to get there and why she was doing such a thing.At the hospital she meets other people born with strange defects such as herself.She meets a boy on a wheelchair with a blinded old man pushing him around.The old man is blinded,but he has a keen sense of hearing and smell,while the boy was born with needles under his feet and this,was kicked out of the house because his blood stained every part of the house.She then felt,she wasnt as abnormal as she felt all her left...

I know,it might be a little out of this world,but at least i doesnt have 'cliche' written all over.That's the beautiful thing about writing,which so many people just dont get.I understand everybody wants to be different,to be outstanding,but i guess sometimes we only need to look at ourselves instead of imitating others,to come up with something that is not nearly as cliche as whatever i heard at the convention.