In Continuum.

I Heart National Service

Yes,that came out from under my fingers,right onto your monitor straight out and true.I am being honest with my feelings here,not hiding in the corner and peering over magazines and textbooks to check out a crush like a stupid schoolgirl.I am being honest about my love here,and it is the love for National Service.Now,i understand that this might come across as a shock for some other there,considering just how much i have bitched and complained about National Service.I understand that gaping mouth,that jaw on the ground.But hey,what can i say?I really do,honestly,love National Service.

I think i have mentioned on this blog before,that when i first recieved that enlistement letter on 31st October,and it was a stormy evening in Singapore,i remember thinking to myself that this is it,this is as good as my life is going to get.I am going to die in NS,so certain about my impending doom.I know why i felt that way,it mustve been just how weak i was as a person,physically and mentally.You know,physical strength aside,i was a little,if not too dependent on my parents.I needed too much protection,too much looking over.In kindergarten i actually had my mother sit outside the classroom for the full three hours just so i could see her there,until the class ends for the day.I didnt even remember this under my mother told me about it.I know it might sound like i am spoilt but,i guess it mustve been the new country and the new people,the alien sensation and the fear of uncharted territory was young and fresh in my veins.

Anyway,back to the fact that those who've been with me long enough,who mustve just had their jaws locked back in place and adjusted into the sockets.The truth is,that i was thinking about being worried by people.Not,exactly me worrying about somebody else but,the other way round.Like,the days before i got into NS,the concern and care in my mother's eyes as she helped me pack the stuff for camp?I know she was concerned and i know she was worried,but she didnt and dared not show it.Because she knew and i knew,that if she showed any signs of vulnerability in any way,i was going to crumble under fear as well.So she stayed strong,and though her disguise of courage was thick and convincing,there were moments of those inevitable worries that shone through the cover.

As much as i appreciated those care however,i really didnt want my mother,or my father,or anybody to worry about me out there in the fields,fighting for my life.Those times when i knelt on the dark grreen grass amidst walls of tree branches and leaves,i remember wanting to have somebody out there worrying for my safety,worrying for my life.I imagined myself to be out in the battle front,a rifle in my hands and in the mud,while bullets zipped passed my ears and eyes and my platoon mates dying around me.I imagined those,and my friends and family back home,with their hands closed in a prayer and eyes closed,hearing the dreadful news coming from the radio and weeping in worry and despair.I imagined that,and though it was merely a wistful - or rather,morbid - thought,all i wanted was to have somebody to think about me,which i doubt there were many.

Barney messaged me this morning.Good O'Barney,still the same as ever.We should meet up some time dude,it's been a while.But anyway,Barney just enlisted sometime in June i believe,and when he asked when i am going to ORD,i answered "14 days,how about you?" with full knowledge that he just enlisted.But then again,he is currently a medic working from 9 to 5 at Sungei Gedong camp.So hey,that's a good job to have for the full two years,and it's not like you are going to attend to a lot of exposed guts and fractured bones anyway.Let's see,your job description is going to be measuring temperatures,giving injections,measuring heart rate and blood pressure and at the most,check the colour of the so-called urine-strip to see if the patient's body is healthy.Dont worry,the most complicated equipment you are going to use is probably going to be the thermometer.

While we were talking about vocations,i told him just how bad being an Armour Infantry is.While i decline to go into details,i told him that it is probably the worst vocation anybody can get,aside from the more special units like the Commando and Divers Unit.Those are special units,and under the normal vocation i probably have the worst.But i told him,at the same time,that having a slack job isnt necessarily a great thing.Pros: You have a good life.Cons: You have a good life.The truth is,by the end of this two years,he is probably going to have less experiences than i did,and more complains on just how this two years of his life was wasted on measure temperatures and heart rates.And as for me,i already have enough stories to tell my family and friends,even my children and grandchildren till the day i die!I even can strike up a conversation with a taxi driver and the doctor at a clinic about my past vocation and my experiences.In fact,this Monday when i visited the doctor for a flu,the following was the brief conversation that we had.

Doctor,"Okay,i am going to give you an one-day MC."
Me,"Okay."
Doctor,"School holidays?"
Me,"Oh,no.I am supposed to be in camp."
Doctor,What is your vocation?"
Me,"Armour.40 SAR."
Doctor,"Keat Hong Camp."
Me,"Yeah,that's right."
Doctor,"Tough huh?"
Me,"Very."
Doctor,"Okay then,one more day MC."

That's it,when i start work next time and feel lazy,i am going to tell the doctor that i am from Armour infantry.Seriously,i'm not even exaggerating that experience with the doctor.Calvin got a three day MC plus a one week light duties status with the mentioning of his vocation.I'm telling you,NS has it's benefits,and what a naive person i was to complain and bitch about it,while totally neglecting it's greatness!

I was thinking when i was walking home a while ago,that i love the feeling of being able to take care of myself,and that is something NS gave to me as a present for my ORD.Counting down the days to it,i am now in the reflective stage of self,looking at myself through a mirror and analyzing everything that i have done and havent done.And i can say that i am a changed a person,a drastically changed person at that,now and before.I feel that if my mother were to say,"Hey,i got to go back to Taiwan with the rest of the famil for a day or two,are you going to be okay?",i am going to support her decision and let her get along,without worrying about just how i am going to get the housework done by myself,and get the meals ready.I feel this liberty and freedom when i know that i am capable of taking care of myself.Perhaps not as thorough but at least i am not afraid to take life by my own hands and then lead my own life fearlessly and undaunted.

As much as i love to have my friends and family to ask,"Are you going to be okay?",i feel that people should place absolute trust in me,that i am able to worry for myself,thanks to the lessons National Service has taught me.I'd rather my mother - for example - to go "I hope he is having a good time" when i go to Europe next March,than to protect his son like Martin's parents did.I wouldnt want my parents to shove my a condom and instruct me despite the condom,not to visit red-light districts,not to trust strangers or even talk to them,save my money and not take drugs and stuff like that.I wouldnt want my parents to me like ants on a hot pan while i am away enjoying myself - or trying to enjoy myself with the knowledge that my parents are in fact,ants on a hot pan back at home worrying about me.I appreciate the thought,i really do.But please,let me worry about me.Leave the worrying to me.Just think about me,and smile for all the experiences and the growth that i am going to go through.

So here at the edge of my NS days,as the ends are closing in and people are finally tying final knots,i hereby say a big thank you to National Service,for the person he transformed me into and the experiences it gave to me.I appreciate it,more than anybody could possibly imagine.And i am eternally grateful,and happy for all the good and that bads that ever happened.Really,without this two years i wouldve resembled a decayed body,i wouldve hated the mere sight of myself in the mirror,and not loved by the same wonderful woman who loves me right now.Because really,you - NS - you changed my life,like so many other people in life,you opened up my eyes to a deeper,better,greater self inside.