Extreme Communication
Friday, February 16, 2007
Extreme Communication
There is a certain amount of fascination that I hold with means of communication, everything from mass communication down to interpersonal communications. I guess I am just interested in the way a word or a gesture can mean so much to others, or even when you do nothing at all. It is the way humans reach out to one another just to feel closer, the desperate attempt to be connected and known through languages, through gestures and most of all, through mere observations.
In between two human beings, a lot of information can be passed without one person needing to speak to another. 60% of what a person wants to say can be expressed through their body movements, while another 30% can be expressed through the tone of their voices. Which means, nearly 90% of whatever you want to say is dependent on everything other than the content, and that goes to show that body movements and tones stand a very lofty percentage in communication indeed.
Yesterday afternoon's nap was like no other, though I woke up with a smile on my face for no apparent reasons. That temporary bliss was rudely interrupted by my father voice in the room down the corridor, followed by my mother's distressed voice and then saying something that wasn't all that clear to me. They weren't shouting or anything, but I sensed tension in the air as they walked down the corridor and my father asking her not to be reacting like that. Now, my parents are probably the most peace-loving couples around, so when one of them is unhappy while the other is chasing behind, you know something is definitely wrong.
As much as I wanted to go up and ask what the matter was, I figured they are probably matured enough, and married for a long enough time, to realize that arguing over small issues - which I am sure it was - is the dumbest thing ever. Which got me thinking about arguments between couples, and how they occur even the lives of a married couple. My parents have been married for over twenty years, and see where they are now with arguments? They still happen, and I was wondering why it was so convenient of me to leave myself out of the great picture.
In an ideal relationship for me last time, I've had a picture of a perfect one without the need for couples to shout at each other, argue over the phone or face to face, just two person sitting down in a very calmed manner and discussing the issues over. In fact, maybe we can skip that last bit altogether, because I don't think that part is even involved in my ideal relationship last time. Absolute bliss, total happiness - what an idiot.
I was sitting in a random hawker center at Gardens with a friend of mine a couple of days ago near midnight when we started talking about relationships, past relationships to be exact, and of course his ex-girlfriend came into focus. I asked if the both of them ever argued before, and he told me that they never did, which to me really was the reason why they broke up in the first place. I've heard of a quote somewhere before, and it goes like this: A man marries a woman hoping that she wouldn't change afterwards, but she always does; A woman marries a man hoping that he would change afterwards, but he never does.
On the day of his break-up which I remember vividly(Because it was my enlistment date), all the past issues exploded right into his face all in one shot, and neither of them thought they were able to handle it very well. Thus, the break-up. But I think that if they were just able to take arguments as a form of communication, - a rather extreme one - then the relationship wouldn't have ended up with the girl pouring him with dissatisfactions and unhappiness about him all in one Friday afternoon.
If my parents are capable of arguments like the one that happened yesterday, I do not think that I am spared either. Because honestly, I think it is merely a way of communication between two people, and an argument is only truly an argument when the issues are unresolved at the very end. Tantrums can be normal, just make sure you calm down soon enough and realize the need to communicate, I guess that is fine.
It must have been the fear of upsetting my partner in that ideal life, to throw hurtful words in the air at each other that repelled me from the idea of them as a form of communication. I've never accepted the fact that relationships can be a boxing ring, but the fact that I am in one right now made me realize a couple of mistakes or two. The truth is that, without these quarrels or arguments there can never be a refreshment in the relationships. Of course, we are not speaking of 'refreshments' in terms of cold fizzy drinks in a hot summer day, but rather a renewal in the relationship. A quote I read in a book of mine, and it goes something like that: A relationship is renewed through quarrels. Very true.
There is a certain amount of fascination that I hold with means of communication, everything from mass communication down to interpersonal communications. I guess I am just interested in the way a word or a gesture can mean so much to others, or even when you do nothing at all. It is the way humans reach out to one another just to feel closer, the desperate attempt to be connected and known through languages, through gestures and most of all, through mere observations.
In between two human beings, a lot of information can be passed without one person needing to speak to another. 60% of what a person wants to say can be expressed through their body movements, while another 30% can be expressed through the tone of their voices. Which means, nearly 90% of whatever you want to say is dependent on everything other than the content, and that goes to show that body movements and tones stand a very lofty percentage in communication indeed.
Yesterday afternoon's nap was like no other, though I woke up with a smile on my face for no apparent reasons. That temporary bliss was rudely interrupted by my father voice in the room down the corridor, followed by my mother's distressed voice and then saying something that wasn't all that clear to me. They weren't shouting or anything, but I sensed tension in the air as they walked down the corridor and my father asking her not to be reacting like that. Now, my parents are probably the most peace-loving couples around, so when one of them is unhappy while the other is chasing behind, you know something is definitely wrong.
As much as I wanted to go up and ask what the matter was, I figured they are probably matured enough, and married for a long enough time, to realize that arguing over small issues - which I am sure it was - is the dumbest thing ever. Which got me thinking about arguments between couples, and how they occur even the lives of a married couple. My parents have been married for over twenty years, and see where they are now with arguments? They still happen, and I was wondering why it was so convenient of me to leave myself out of the great picture.
In an ideal relationship for me last time, I've had a picture of a perfect one without the need for couples to shout at each other, argue over the phone or face to face, just two person sitting down in a very calmed manner and discussing the issues over. In fact, maybe we can skip that last bit altogether, because I don't think that part is even involved in my ideal relationship last time. Absolute bliss, total happiness - what an idiot.
I was sitting in a random hawker center at Gardens with a friend of mine a couple of days ago near midnight when we started talking about relationships, past relationships to be exact, and of course his ex-girlfriend came into focus. I asked if the both of them ever argued before, and he told me that they never did, which to me really was the reason why they broke up in the first place. I've heard of a quote somewhere before, and it goes like this: A man marries a woman hoping that she wouldn't change afterwards, but she always does; A woman marries a man hoping that he would change afterwards, but he never does.
On the day of his break-up which I remember vividly(Because it was my enlistment date), all the past issues exploded right into his face all in one shot, and neither of them thought they were able to handle it very well. Thus, the break-up. But I think that if they were just able to take arguments as a form of communication, - a rather extreme one - then the relationship wouldn't have ended up with the girl pouring him with dissatisfactions and unhappiness about him all in one Friday afternoon.
If my parents are capable of arguments like the one that happened yesterday, I do not think that I am spared either. Because honestly, I think it is merely a way of communication between two people, and an argument is only truly an argument when the issues are unresolved at the very end. Tantrums can be normal, just make sure you calm down soon enough and realize the need to communicate, I guess that is fine.
It must have been the fear of upsetting my partner in that ideal life, to throw hurtful words in the air at each other that repelled me from the idea of them as a form of communication. I've never accepted the fact that relationships can be a boxing ring, but the fact that I am in one right now made me realize a couple of mistakes or two. The truth is that, without these quarrels or arguments there can never be a refreshment in the relationships. Of course, we are not speaking of 'refreshments' in terms of cold fizzy drinks in a hot summer day, but rather a renewal in the relationship. A quote I read in a book of mine, and it goes something like that: A relationship is renewed through quarrels. Very true.
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