In Continuum.

Silence

There is something about our culture that I don't get. In face of a complete stranger in close proximity, it just seems natural for one person to have small talks with another. It is nice to turn yourself away from the sights and sounds outside the bus window once in a while, or drop that magazine of yours back in the rack and have a nice little conversation with the person sitting next to you in line at the local clinic. To me, just as long as you have something constructive to say, I'm in for a good chat. Or, it doesn't even need to be constructive, just be interesting really, that's all you really need. However, there are people out there who are in serious deficiency of the above mentioned qualities, and still making desperate efforts to uphold that strange culture of ours.

I'm not sure if it is the result of our mixed context society, but there seems to be a contradiction in our society when it comes to conversing with strangers. It is only OK to do so when the both of you are in the same vicinity, when there aren't any other strangers around for you to approach. For example, when you are in a cab with the driver alone, it is then OK to have small conversations with each other. When you are stuck in the waiting room with a complete stranger waiting in line, that is OK as well. However, when you are in the middle of a bookstore or a Subway restaurant, going up to a stranger and greet him or her will have you automatically labeled as being crazy, desperate, or a salesman of sorts. The truth is, our culture does not stomach the "Small Talk" culture very well in open spaces, it seems.

Corinna will support that claim of mine any day. After a two week trip to New York some time last year - I think - she came back to Singapore all Americanized, in the sense that she smiles or greets anybody in an elevator or on the streets, the kind of thing the Western culture is so famous for - in a good way. I mean, it was not an uncommon thing to have a stranger ask you about the weather, and have the conversation stem from that mundane topic. In America - in my impression - it just seems so much easier to go," Hey, can I sit down and have a coffee with you?" and have the rest of the day spent on doing that. That is not the case in Singapore though, because Corinna had the first-hand experience at being seen as an asylum runaway.

She was at a Subway outlet fresh out of the airport when she saw a guy sitting in the corner alone, with his tray of food and stuff. So she went up to him and introduced herself, and wondered if she could sit down and have a small talk. The man stared at her for a while, bewildered and shocked. I can imagine the way the lettuce and the turkey breast must have stuck out from between his lips, and the sweet and sour sauce dripping from his mouth as he stared back at her, dumbfounded. After about ten seconds of awkward silence, Corinna realized that this man was probably not up to a small talk with a complete stranger, and left him as he was at the table - alone and still very much in shock. That is the kind of reaction you generally get in Singapore, the kind you get when you are in the confines of a public area with a dozen different targets around. That is not the case, however, in cabs.

I got lazy today, I admit. With a busted computer at home, I was eager to send it for repair in school. So the best way to do so was to grab a taxi and speed home as soon as possible. Jumping into the cab, I surveyed the driver with much amusement. First of all, he was a fat middle-aged man with giant sunglasses sitting on his over-sized nose. Those shades covered half of his face, which goes to show just how big they were because he probably had the biggest face I have ever seen. Which was probably why he was unshaven then, because everything between his chin and neck - or lack thereof - was untouched by his razor blade. The funny thing about his shades was not the size of it, but rather the fact that he had a pair of glasses inside those shades, which means that he was wearing both of them on his nose at the same time.

His torn and tattered Converse shoes pressed down on the gas as we sped off away onto the expressway. By then, I was struck out and tired from the day's work, and the only motivation for me to keep awake was to make sure that this man takes the right route to mys house and not some God-forsaken way through remote parts of the island. It was clear that I did not want any conversations between us, or any words spoken to me. But this man was a jolly man as much as he was big, and he kept throwing me questions as if it was the happiest interrogation that he ever went through. Despite the heat of the day, he was happy to tell me about his schooling experiences, and his experiences on the road as a cab driver. I just listened most of the time, commenting only when it becomes fitting to do so, or out of politeness. He just went on and on, and clearly didn't have a clear idea of where to stop talking at all.

From my accent, he recognized that I am foreign. I revealed to him that I am from Taiwan, and studying in Singapore full-time. On hearing that, he asked if I have a driver's license here in Singapore, in which I replied to him with a simple "No". Then he went on to length and explained to me how necessary it is to have a license in Singapore, and how easy it is to get one overseas. "All you need to do is to have money!" he yelled on top of his voice in the cab, and tore the shades off this face to revealed two carefully sliced holes in his face - his eyes. His laughter was booming, and it almost rocked the vehicle out of the lane he was driving in. I gave a condescending laughter, and told him that it isn't as easy as he thinks in Taiwan. But he was hysterical by this time, and was literally bouncing in his seat with both our lives now hanging on the line.

Like I said, as much as I appreciate little talks between strangers, it really isn't necessary for you to do so in a confined space. You still have to observe the non-verbal languages that your passenger is trying to tell you. A communication student, or a normal human being with common sense, would have been able to deduce from the tired eyes and the earphones that I was clearly not in the mood for much talking. I was slouching in the seat, with the elbow rested on the door handle and my attention devoted mostly to the passing of the cars outside. These signs are enough to tell you that I was obviously tired from the day's work, and would appreciate nothing more than a comfortable silence between the both of us. Of course, those hints went by unheeded and was replaced by his booming laughter and his tendency to kill the both of us.

From the route that he took this afternoon, it was impossible for him to get into my estate through the entrance without making a U-Turn at the junction in front. However, it is dangerous and illegal to do so according to the signboard, which was why I asked him to stop at our side of the road and have me walk the rest of the way home myself. He laughed again - his trademark, ear-bursting laughter - and said that he wouldn't mind making the U-turn if I wanted him to. I told him that I didn't want to get him into trouble with the traffic police hiding in the bushes somewhere, and to that he just laughed some more. But truthfully, I just didn't want you to put the both of us on the front page of the newspaper tomorrow morning because you were laughing so hard when making the U-turn that you forgot to check for blind spots, causing the oncoming vehicle to crash into your head first. I know I must have made some comma splices in the last sentence, but who cares. That man was obviously out of his minds.

There is a need for people to realize that silence CAN be gold at times, and it's not like we need to be continuously entertained by each other. I am an interesting person to myself, I think I can handle the entertaining very well on my own, thank you very much. I don't need crazy cab drivers to drive like Mad Max, going at 80 on a 60. It's interesting how a few days ago, I was in a cab with a different driver who was lecturing me on traffic rules, while this driver from the same company was breaking all of them at every turn made. At least the last guy had something good to say, this other one had none at all - save for his laughter and his gibberish. I'm sure he is a nice driver and was talking to me out of good intentions. But seriously, there are times whereby you should just send the passenger home and be done with it. Save me from all the careless driving and your strange antics.

That is not to mention the incident in school today which Jeremy saved me from - literally. It also involved in unwanted conversations, and awkward topics in between two acquaintances. However, due to the fact that people from my school may be reading this blog, I shall not talk about it at all. Let's just say that the word "Save me!" was murmured under my breath, and Jeremy came out of the blues with an imaginary red cape and saved the day. I was rescued from the pits of awkward conversations, and I was glad - very glad.

I wonder if it is a part of our culture now, something instilled in us by our society. I don't remember it ever being taught to me, to be friendly to people who are worn out and tired in the passenger seat. It's like those trips to the dentist, when they put hooks and mirrors into your mouth and expect you to answer their interrogations. They ask those standard questions all the time, the kind that deals with tooth brushing, tooth flossing, mouth rinsing and the likes, all the while with tubes and hooks stuck into your mouth and you are finding it hard to swallow your saliva. You start to wonder if these questions are merely tactics employed by the dentists to calm your nerves during an operation. If they are, then they are failing miserably. Because most - in fact all - the patients just want the session to be done as soon as possible, and scream at the dentists "HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTIONS WITH THESE STICKING OUT OF MY MOUTH!?" But of course, they usually come out like that "HOW A I HAHOWD HU ANHER YO QUESON WIF DIS SICKING OW OHF MY OWTH?" They don't get across very well, usually.

Silence people, as simple as that. Just a little bit of silence, how difficult can that be? Like now, with the glowing bedroom lamp and the sound of the fan spinning away, people should start to listen to the voices in between the layers of silence. Because really, that is really where you find peace and solace at times, at least for me. Silence, people. Very much like - now.