In Continuum.

Thus Far

Twenty-one years, it's been a long time since my first cry. The only picture I have of myself from that year is a Polaroid photograph, with myself in a baby tram, hardly any hair to speak of on my head and my limbs sprawled out in four directions like pieces of pork at a butchery. I have come a long way since then, learning, living, experiencing, growing, breathing. Come to think about it, everything I am now has been the result of all the little things that happened in life, thus far. There were the happy moments that lifted me up in life into the clouds, and the moments that sucker-punched me in the stomach and knocked me out cold. Both of them almost never had good timings, one happening for too short a time and the other happening at the wrong time. But whatever it is, like rolling snowballs to make up a snowman in winter, we are all accumulated results of something smaller than ourselves, to eventually become something bigger.

The above is the result of looking through the folder of videos in my computer. Looking through the videos that I took in the later part of last year in the army, I realized that I have really come a long way in growing up. Though most of the videos involved friends 'fighting', QinYou's mighty run down to the finish line during SOC, and also WeeJin's rampage through KTM's cupboard, these are all the little memories that accumulated in my life, and it'd be a shame to say that I have wasted a single moment of my two years in there, on something that I did not enjoy. Which got me thinking about people's attitudes towards life, be it in the military or in school, or at the workplace. Whether or not we have really 'wasted our time', greatly depends on the kind of attitude you armed yourself with. If you are going go into the army and tell yourself that you are going to give up at the slightest difficulty, or find different ways of escaping certain tasks that need to be done, then you are going to find yourself at the end of the two years, utterly wasted and old.

The kind of ignorant attitude can be seen day in and day out in school for me, personally. There are people who drives to school in the morning, but never makes it a point to come into class on time. That's not even half as bad as when they enter with their hands empty, without notes or textbooks but only themselves to present. I mean, if you are going to attend a class for the sake of appearing, then what is the point of coming at all? If you are going to arm yourself with the attitude, telling yourself that you have no motivation to study, that you are going to smoke your way through the course, then you might as well just leave the place and stop being a nuisance to the people who truly wants to take something away from the lectures.

I remember my own time in the army, doing the things that I never thought I would be doing. I recall the time in the void deck, which some of you might have read about it before, when I thought to myself that I was going to die in the army for certain. Going through the routines and the commands, the thought was taking its slow steps to reality, and I was mortally afraid of death at that time. I mean, trotting through swamps and carrying loads that were half my body weight really weren't the kind of things I pictured myself doing, while living a comfortable and long life. However, somewhere in between the 18th of February and the 5th of March last year, India opened up my eyes to a lot of opportunities, especially within myself. It taught me how to see the world as it is, and life as it is, and from there we have our roots stemmed, and a drive to break through everything. It was a beautiful feeling, to know that we have been transformed one way or another in our harshest times, and I made up my mind to see the rest of my life in the same light.

I believe that coming thus far is not merely a chance in life, or a work of fate. I believe that we are all set onto this place, to do whatever we can until fate is revealed to us. Fate is not going to change anything for you, if you are just going to sit there on your lazy ass all day and wait for something to happen. It does not work on a schedule or a timetable, life is not going to miraculously become better for you if you are going to place your faith in fate - something so intangible in the first place. Seeing those people in school wasting their lives away, pains me as much as it annoys me. Because really, whatever you are doing - or not doing - is not going to pay off in the end. Like all teachers would tell you: It's boring at first, but you have more fun later than those who had the fun first.

There are times when I just feel like smacking their heads with my textbook. As a veteran who has been to that part of academic hell, I feel that I need to tell people just how wrong they are about their attitudes. Things may be boring now, things may not be as fun as the kind of fun you have in clubs and pubs. But this is the kind of thing that pays off, and don't we all have to roll with the punches in life somehow? If we are going to succumb to life's difficulties by not doing anything whatsoever, then what is the point of living at all? These are the kind of questions I ask myself when I see certain individuals in class, just sitting there in class and wasting their time away.

I no longer see giving up as an option, until the situation itself works against me. I mean, I have already dragged myself this far in life, pulled myself through so many obstacles, why give up now? There are more people you put shame to rather than yourself, but rather the people who have tried to push you on in life, the same ones who encouraged you all the way through the difficulties. It wouldn't be right to put their time and effort to waste as well, just because you are too afraid or lazy to move on. I'm not saying that I am the most hardworking individual in school, or even the most motivated. But at least I wake up every morning, wanting to get things done, and have no intentions of doing nothing in class at all. Truth to be told, it is about time to wake up from your wakeful slumber, and smell what reality has to offer. It is a harsh air we breathe in out there, and society has no stomach for people who turns their back to it.