In Continuum.

Flying Woes

So i was in camp doing absolutely nothing today.According to some of the guys,getting paid for sleeping in camp all day long can be a rather enjoyable job,but personally i'd prefer to enjoy the luxury of free income from the comfort of my home,and not rot in camp with no commanders around,just the men staring at each other,as if the book out timing is written on each others' foreheads.

The whole place was quiet today,which was nice in my opinion.No stupid sergeants yelling orders from downstairs,no fall in timing and no one urging you to go for dinner and the importance of scanning your damn cards.No one,just us and the silence.Thus,i allowed myself to a little moment of thoughts,as i looked out at the parade square with half the battalion already gone home(Yeah,once again we were the last company to leave,maintaining the bloody standard as the most fucked company in terms of achievement recognition).

Earlier this morning i recieved a message from Corinna,who was then at the airport about to board the plane to New York.Yeah,New York.THE New York,the one with Madison Square Gardens and Broadway.I know i am probably going to travel to more places after my term in jai...i mean,camp.But allow me to whine and sulk for now,please.

Anyway,i called her up as she was on the plane itself,and we talked in the wee hours of the morning at 6am after my breakfast.Apparantly that crazy woman went to club before the flight and hadnt slept at all.I know the flight to New York via Tokyo is a bloody long flight(In fact,if you have a giant satay stick and you poke that through the middle of Singapore,say Ang Mo Kio,you'd probably drill a hole straight through to New York.After all,it is on the other side of the bloody globe).But drinking and clubbing right before a flight is definitely something out of the norms.This girl seriously has a scheduling disorder thing going on.

As we were speaking on the phone,about ten minutes into the conversation the old woman beside her(which needed ironing),could be heard over the phone asking her to speak elsewhere if she wanted to talk on the phone,and that she was having a headache.There,our conversation was cut short because some woman decided that it was unpleasent for a girl to talk on the phone with a guy on a 6am flight to New York,and came up with a wonderful plan that perhaps she could go to somewhere else and talk.

First of all,i know it is perhaps not entirely right to speak of the phone before the plane takes off.You might screw up the system on the plane and ten seconds into the flight you might just end up on Tekong Island with tail section of the plane long gone.Also,with the way she was speaking on the phone(Not particularly loud,but it had the terms like "bitch" and "slut" in the sentences),i dont think it was the most pleasent thing to be overheard by.But then again,you have to understand that she was going away for a bloody long time,and if she decide to speak on the phone for that little while,just that little while before the pilot decides to take off,go ahead!

Besides,i know lady,that you have a headache.Well my friend there beside you at that time clubbed the whole night and still managed to board the plan,without actually complaining about headaches of any form and sorts.You didnt hear her complaining about her issues with rotting humans like you,did she?And if you decide to give an alternative as to where she could talk on the phone without disturbing the peace of other fellow passengers,you might want to consider the fact that you guys were on the plane,and that it was virtually impossible to actually get to somewhere without passengers and talk on the phone,or get off your seat for that matter since the plane was actually about to take off.So the next time you decide to screw the passenger next to you by giving him or her an advice or two about public courtesy,consider your words and your advices because they might just not be the brightest or smartest idea in the world,and might in turn make you sound like an old grump,swine.

That's one,stupid fellow passengers who are sarcastic,stupid enough to give you indirect hints.I mean,what is so hard to say,"Excuse me,are you going to finish soon?The plane is going to take off"?Seriously,it isnt very hard.On flights like those,long ass ones potentially lethal to your ass,the existence of passengers like yourself might be the bane of others.Here is a list of other flying woes,according to my own experiences:

Kids
Never ever being a children under the age of five onto a plane,ever.I know i was five when i came to Singapore,but then again it's not like my mother had much of a choice.I bet she wouldve placed me under the plane with the cargos if she had the choice,but then again i think it was against policies.Anyway,kids are a definite no-no on planes.You dont take them on it,and if you are forced to do so make sure they fall asleep within five minutes of boarding because if you dont they are going to terrorise fellow passengers the way Al Qaeda terrorists might have done to United 93 passengers on 9/11,or worse.

They will whine about the boredom(which is to me really thea beauty of travelling alone)of the flight itself.They will start crying for food,or perhaps the pain in their ears due to the change in the pressure.They will start thumping and kicking the seats of the passengers in front and if you dont react to the kicking and the punching they will start to see evil faces from the latest episode of Power Rangers on the back of your chair and start punching harder and harder,imitating the likes of Ali.Really,you dont want kids to start poking their heads over your seat and ask if you'd like a piece of their candy or sweet,because if you accept their offer you are officially labelled as "Friend" and they will start to bug you for the rest of the bloody trip.

Fat Passengers
They dont usually appear,these bunch of flying woes.I mean plump passengers are obviously unavoidable,considering the population of those people in our country,and any other country.I am talking about the gigantic ones,the ones that would remind you of an elephant from a circus train,or perhaps an air-pump stuck to a person's ass and left unremoved.I am talking about the kind of fat people who actually have to buy two tickets just to board a single plane,because one ticket is for their left ass cheek while the other is for their right ass cheek.

I was sittig next to one of these individual ones,and common courtesy for these people would be to book the aisle seat,at least your exit and enter would be much easier.But no,he had to take the middle seats,and when he wanted to head for the lavatory he had to squeeze past me,and his huge ass scrapped passed the tip of my nose.He was wearing one of those huge jeans,and the back pocket had like rectangular stitches on them?I can still picture those two big rectangles hovering past my face as the ass squeezed past me.

So,here concludes the possible flying woes you might encounter.Of course,i was on a flight from Singapore to Taiwan,so you can imagine how little i actually suffered compared to Corinna,who actually had to sit with the same raisin woman for about twenty hours i suppose.Good night,and good luck on that girl.Bring me some rust fromt he Statue of Liberty,and if you are caught on CNN attempting to damage national property by the NYPD,dont mention my name.Just,dont.