In Continuum.

Silent Speaking

It was one of those humid afternoons,the ones you never wish to be caught in the middle of.Under the overhead bridge the cars drove on by,as the drivers busied themselves with their minds bent on their destinations.I was walking on the overhead bridge then,avoiding on coming traffic of old couples and young kids,as i mumbled to myself,"Go away...go away".

It is the rhythem that irritates me,the way the noise and sound of the world pulsates through your head as you take notice of it.The worst sort of background music ever,when you pretend not to notice it.I try my best,each time i take my stroll on the streets.The blasting iPod,perhaps is just a way for me to elude things,to run away.The sound,the noise,of life and reality.

Would you please meet me by the water, baby?
We'll have a really good time
Would you please meet me by the water, baby?
'Cause I can't get you off of my mind

It was her again,ringing in my head.It's that melancholic,smokey voice of Rachael that always gets to me,anytime anywhere.To think that i saw her on the Music Junction sales shelf was rather saddenly and frustrating to me.I felt like buying all of them,then kill the shopkeepers,telling them what a gem they've missed.

That couple,with their backs to me at the bus stop as i sat behind them.They were speaking under their breaths,and even with my earpieces off i couldnt hear them proper.They laughed,at one point,and the guy's back banged into mind softly,like a tap on the back.She had somebody to talk to,and he had someone to speak to.

An old couple at the end of the bus stop,and the lady was carrying a bag of groceries i think.The man seemed to be troubled,frowning as he conversed with the lady.They both looked across the road then,at the MRT station where the crowd came in and out.They spoke quietly,always under the noise of the road,the sound of the horns,the notes of the song.

I've been thinking everyday about you
Don't fit anywhere into my life, but that's okay
'Cause I think I might be right for you
And because of that, I'm not scared at all
And everyone says I'm crazy
And everyone says I'm a fool
Would you meet me by the water tonight?
'Cause I'm ready to break all the rules


It was an empty bus,unlike the one i took in the morning.It was peak hour,and i wondered about the emptiness of the bus,if it was actually normal.The old couple was at the front of the bus,still speaking between themselves.Another couple,a fatter and younger one before me,silent and solemn in a strange way.But at least she had him,and he had her.They were there,despite the silence,it was screaming out loud the word "company",which myself and the Indian worker guy at the back didnt have.

Getting late,the sun was setting.The sunlight glided across the side of the bus like soap over a bath tub.The glare in my eyes,and at that moment the headache came back again.It felt like my brain shrank,and the skull was too big for it.Like a size four feet in a pair of size eight shoes.It bounced around in my head like a jelly,and everytime the bus made a turn it banged against the side,sending a sharp pain through the temples.

I hooked out my handphone,and surfing through the messages brought me to the folders.For some reason,the two messages that seem to be the remnants of the past.Despite all the breakthroughs,despite all the thresholds i crossed,there's always the messages,the ones that you sent me long ago.I think,perhaps in due time i might be able to let go,to delete these like rest of the stuff.But for now,my right thumb shook over the "C" button,or the "Cancel" button.It hovered,unwilling to press down,desperate to let go.

Please don't leave me standing with my heart in my hand
I can't last here
I'm breaking down, and no one understands why I got here
But I knew from the very first moment that I met you
You'd be the one

The young couple behind me at the bus stop.The old couple at the front of the bus.The fat couple across the aisle.All of them,had one another.One another...I opened the messages,a million times already.Once more,i told myself.Just once more,one more time before i delete it once and for all.I lied.I mean,i always tell myself that,but end up not doing so.Too much of a coward,too much of a wimp,too much of a loser.

This is it,i thought.This is all that is left right now.Like wreckage after a cash,rubble after a crumble,flood after a storm.The message,these messages,are all that is left of you,your voice.Like the voice in your head as you read a book,a newspaper,a magazine.Like a narrator it speaks to you,but never louder than absolute silence.This is all that is left of the words,my only way of speaking with you,however quiet we both get whenever we talk now.The portal to you,those few lines and little words,all that ive got,in my hands as they shivered and trembled.

This is,as good as it gets.This is,as far as it gets.This is,as pain as it gets.This is,as lonely as it gets.This is,it.

Would you meet me by the water tonight?
Would you please fall asleep holding my hand?
'Cause I've got everything in store for you, baby
If you'll be my man