In Continuum.

Square Two

Is there anybody out there who
Is lost and hurt and lonely too
Are they bleeding all your colours into one?
And if you come undone

As if you've been run through
Some catapult it fired you
You wonder if your chance will ever come
Or if you're stuck in square one...

I think it was Sunday night,or was it Monday night when Kenneth Kwan and myself had one of those after-lights-off-and-in-the-dark conversations,like the days back in Tekong when Adrian used to drag his mattress to the side of my bed,and we'd talk about anything under the sun quietly into the night,as Varun snored soundly away next to us.The so-called "D&Ms",between the two bald guys as the world fell slowly away into slumber.

Anyway,i dont remember what we were talking about exactly,but i vaguely remember the argument between Father Abraham and Abraham Lincoln.Now,his argument is that whenever the name "Abraham" comes up,the first person that comes to one's mind would be "Father Abraham",from the Bible.But i think people would think of "Abraham Lincoln" first,since he is more real and recent.Besides,there is no ACTUAL proof that Father Abraham actually existed,right.I mean,it really depends on your faith and stuff.

Oh well,that conversation about the Abrahams in history (Which later included if Wei Jie had an obsession with girls in JC and his own infatuation over Kiera Knightly and Natalie Portman)spunned wildly out of control as he popped the question regarding girlfriends.

I cant even start to imagine how the topic of girls actually occured between Yuan Tong and himself in the first place.Im not sure about Yuan Tong,but in my opinion the love of Kenneth Kwan's life revolves around fictional character of books,or the book itself.The closest thhing to a human lover is probably the two actresses mentioned above.Really,the thought of Kenneth Kwan ever discussing with me on the issue of girlfriends never occured to me,like ever.

Anyway,seems like a couple of friends have been getting attached,and because of that the singles,or only-recently detached friends feel rather screwed up nowadays.I guess this entry,in a way,is my comfort to all who feels that the space next to yours in your bed needs some urgent filling,or perhaps you want to feel that exploding phone bills is actually a justified thing all over again.This entry is for you people out there who wishes to have a girl/boyfriend right now,just tired of singlehood.

I was telling him about "My Date with Drew" actually,the little documentary i mentioned in the "Six Degrees of Separation" entry,comforting him that he is actually not too far from Kiera Knightly,or Natalie Portman(Just six people away!).Anyway,he thinks that the main "character" of the documentary is rather pathetic,in the sense that after he actually dates Drew Barrymore,what happens?I mean,he doesnt gain anything out of it,strictly speaking.He's still the same person working for E! News at a lous desk job,so what changed after he dated Drew Barrymore?

Despite claiming fame for strange ideas and opinions(He enjoyed reading Jeffrey Eugenides' Middlesex,rated it 8/10 and lated claimed that it sucked),i rather agreed with his point on how pointless the whole "I want to date Drew Barrymore" thing was.I mean,just think about it.He made that documentary,got famous,and that's that.Right?

He was asking me,what really is the point of getting a girlfriend.As a person who doesnt have one at that very moment,i couldnt exactly answer him,with absolute truth and accuracy.I couldve tried sure,but the answer wouldnt have been right i guess.I just told him about what my friends said about it,how you gain from it and stuff.But so what?He asked.And yeah,i thought.So what?

Im speaking from a male's point of view of course,and i think all males have this in-built thirst for women.Not ALL women,but there is this sort of endless quest for the woman he loves once he is single,like the search for El Dorado or something.There's this fear of being single,i guess.Like one of the first few scenes in Jerry Maguire,when Jerry watches a video made for him on his bachelor party.His ex-girlfriends making fun of him,saying that "He cannot be alone",and "He is great at friendships but sucks at intimacy".I guess it is true,that men are desperate to have somebody by his side,but never really the brain to keep them there.It's like all the tricksy stuff they pulled out their sleeves while trying to get her came from their balls,and whatever that came out(or didnt come out)after they are officially in the relationship came from nowhere at all.

This was Kwan's question: What comes after you guys are together?Let's look at it this way,what happens when you and somebody else is attached?You guys have dinner,a movie,a little chat by the beach or in a Mexican restaurant,or visiting each others' houses and meeting the folks.What comes after those things,then?Are those things going to go round and round in this endless cycle until "Death do us part"?Or are you going to spin out of that circle to...where?It's so hard to imagine the variety,the things that are possible between a couple,something that can be done to satisfy both partis equally.

I know ultimately it all comes down to compromises,but isnt it sad to know that love doesnt last but only each other?I tried to argue that it depends on your view on relationships.There are really three types of outlook to them actually.Perhaps more,but then again there are only three i can think of right now at 130am.

The first is really the serious sort of outlook on relationships.It all depends on the kind of things the both of you want from each other from a relationship.Is it somebody there when you are down,depressed,when you simply need somebody?That intimacy with somebody,to be loved and be loved and those muchy-shitty stuff.Yeah,some people do go that distance when looking for a partner in that relationship.Yeah,a partner.That's the word to use.A partner in life,and they look at relationships as a sort of test,and the ultimate goal is marriage,life and then death.It might seem a little daunting now,reading about this and thinking "Wow,my boyfriend might be this sort of committed freak!".But really,i think the world of couples lack this sort of people,which explains the rising rate of divorce.

The next type is really the Yap Jun Lek type of relationship outlooks.Or rather,the Bapoh-lisation.Let's not make any character judgement here,but with a bad track record i dont think guy,in any way,has a serious outlook on anything at all.His shortest relationship was under 24 hours,and i guess that explains a lot on how little he thinks about commitments,about intimacy(Which is really sex,in his dictionary.Wait,what dictionary?),about so many other things that come with with the virginity of love.I think that there are a lot of people,almost too many people out there who just want to have take a shot at a relationship,see how it is like feeling the breasts of a girl,of girls,of getting into their pants and leaving them in an old hotel and a used condom.It might all sound too raw now,but these things happen.They really do,only too often.

The last type is the sort which sort of...see dark clouds all over the horizon.Like the first type of relationship go-ers they are looking for a sort of support in their lives as well,this pillar to lean on when all else comes crumbling down.But they dont really know what this sort of "Man and Pillar" relationship is going to go on.It just sounds rather temporary in a way,a sort of relationhip that never really lasts anywhere more than a year or two(That's YOU,Wan Jun).

So we started off with square one.Boy meets girl.Boy likes girl.Boy draws up a plan for girl.Boy chases girl.Girl likes boy.Boy succeeds,boy asks girl.Girl agrees to boy's confession.Boy loves girl.Girl loves boy.Boy is together with girl.Boy doesnt know what the hell to do next.

It's like a board game,and you start off with square one.But halfway through the game you dont really know the point of it all.In Monopoly it's really to get as much money as possible,right.To have the most land,the most hotels and the most cash.But in this board game of uncertainty i guess people are just no quite sure where they are going.So they are stuck in square two,after all the efforts they have put in to get thus far.It's such a waste,dont you think so?

I dont think i have an answer to his question,of what comes next after being attached.I guess that is why i dont/wont make a great partner.Like Jerry,i might just be the sort that is a great friend but a sucker at intimacies.Who knows,i might remain this way till "Death do me and nobody else part".I guess it all depends on how you accept things as the way it is,and not expecting much out of it.Like the old saying,with no expectations comes no disappointments.I think that quote is brilliant.