In Continuum.

Listener Vs. Conversationist

You are having a bad day.Let's picture that for a minute.Last night over the damn phone,your boyfriend told you that he doesnt love you anymore,and he is running with your bestfriend Angela to sunny Miami,first thing tomorrow morning.In fact,they already have a one year old daughter and named their newly bought dog after you.You wake up in the morning with your eyes swollen like two baked tomatos and you get out into the front lawn to collect your morning paper?Somebody wrongly-timed the sprinklers,and there they were,spraying water all over the paper.You walk towards the pavement,and your dog Charlie charges out of the front door and onto the street just as a tow truck speeds by.Down goes Charlie under the wheels of that truck and the truck swerves to a crashing stop in your very own flower bed.You even had to pay the driver for the damage of his front fender.

You are,having a bad day.

Now,living all alone can be a very taxing thing.That is especially so if your dog was ran over by a speeding truck only minutes ago.You are sitting in your livingroom with a bloody soap opera repeating for the millionth time on the television.You are all alone and you just want somebody there to listen to your bitching about the day's events.How you going to call?(Not the Ghostbusters,please.Enough of the theme song)

You have two choices,Mr. X from across the street.He is a conversationist,and he is a good talker.He's not the kind of person who talks rubbish for the sake of talking,but he doesnt just blabber nonstop about his own troubles with the milkman,or the fact that this important mail got lost somewhere in the country.He talks sense into you and at the same time,you dont just feel like you feel better,but at the end of the day you end up having a good cup of coffee with him in the kitchen.And if he is single,that is even better.It's a bonus,sure.

The alternative,is Ms. Y from across the rosy fence.She is a typical listener.Of course,when we are saying listener we are just just talking about somebody who is going to sit there and listen;and do just THAT.We are talking about the listener who's going to give you a great big hug the first thing you open the door to her.She is that somebody who is going to be there,when you just want something more than a piece of wall or sofa to tell your problems to.Besides,she is more interactive than all of the above,even more so than your dog(Don't assume that any human being with a pair of working ears can be a listener.Charlie is better off than Grandma Z from down the street).

So who is it going to be?The ultimate battle of Listener Vs. Conversationist.I was just wondering about that yesterday in the Cofee Bean over at Paragon,on a strange Saturday afternoon when the rain refused to fall and remained stubborn all through the day.

I think the Coffee Bean is a place,with great examples of such battles.It is easy tio point out somebody that is a bad example of a bad listener,and somebody who is a bad example of a bad conversationist.Take the caucasian couple sitting on my right for example.If you think that caucasians are the most interactive race in the world,think again.Of course,i'm sure most of them are more receptive than Asians,but the couple sitting next to me were just staring at each other most of the time,hand in hand.Sure,you might call that a sort of silent love for each other.But on the other hand from another perspective,they might just be one of those dining deads.You know,just quietly minding their own food and so careless of the world.Two listeners can never make a good couple,because you cant listen while the other is...well,listening too.

A bad example of a bad conversationist would be the four girls over on the other side of the cafe.I think they clearly misunderstood that by speaking above the normal tolerate decibels,you are not exactly communicating with each other.In fact,the only people you are communicating with is everybody else in the cafe,with the message "We are loud,obnoxious bitches!".Because,though they were "Conversing",they werent good examples of "Conversationists".How about just "Noises"?

I think it is one of those unanswerable questions,a battle that can never be won by either sides.I think that it greatly depends on the situation,or how somebody decides to release that inner frustration.If he or she decides to be the kind of person,who locks themselves in a room and play angry rock songs all day,then the presence of either Mr. X and Ms. Y would be unnecessary(Grandma Z is of course,out of the question).But if you are the kind who are like a herd of buffalos,who prefer to be in a circle of other lonely souls in this world,then go ahead and have a listener sit by your dining table while he or she provides you with an endless supply of Kleenex.On the other hand if you are the kind who wants different views,perspectives and opinions,look for somebody that is about to talk with you.And i mean,TALK and not just blabber nonsense.

I think the greatest partner in times of depression,is somebody who can place the two sides of the personality together.You know,a person who can combine the two aspects of a great conversation into one,like an alchemist of sorts.That'd be nice,wouldnt it?I'm not sure if i have reached that level of greatness yet.Even if i have,i wonder if it is of any use when there is a permanent lack of intimacy in me.That is the deficiency i have i guess,the fact that intimacy is not part of my genes and thus,there will always be a sort of gap between you and that person,no matter how good a listener,a conversationist,or the combination of both you are.Which is a sad thing,because in your mind you always strive to become the best for somebody - at least for me - and you want to be as good,as satisfying,as great a person as possible.But you wonder if this so-called deficiency is going to cost you that,that closeness people have with others,that bridge across troubled waters.

Listener or not.Conversationist or not.Without intimacy,what good is it?