In Continuum.

Collection of Loneliness

Here is the Collection of Loneliness.

I was surfing through a series of video blogs a couple of nights ago when i came upon a girl who calls herself mschristina.I dont usually fall for random and lame video blogs,but for some reason,every minute of her average 8 minutes video blog is hilarious.Perhaps she might just be another lonelygirl.You know,the one who faked her life,and revealed her true identity only a couple of weeks ago?Well,she might very well be another her,but at least mschristina is downright funny and real,and she likes John Mayer.A lot.

Anyway,checked out this video under her "Favourites" list,and i found it inspiring and sad,in a very strange way.It's not a fancy video with inspiring words,or particularly beautiful and sophisticated shots.It's merely a video compilation of different video blogs done by people all around the world.People talk about anything from what they have done for the past few days,to their dogs licking their feet,to having nothing to say at all,and kids singing birthday songs to somebody out there.You see people all over the world,wanting to express themselves somehow,and sometimes the only avaliable source is to tell it to a webcam.

Isnt that sad?To conifde to something that resembles merely the eyeball of a human?Something so dead and one dimensional,i think it is really sad,to have somebody out there,talking to a camera because there is no one else in the world whom they can talk to.Despite the meaningless conversations these people tend to have,bitchings and complains,i found that as a whole,the video was a masterpiece.The collection of loneliness,is what i'd like to call it.I thought it was beautiful in a melancholic way.And of course,the music in the background adds to the overall depressing mood of the video.


Picture yourself in a room,in a dark room.There is a soft music playing in the background,and there is a group of about ten people sitting in this dark room,on nice comfortable sofas.This is a gathering of the lonely,and you are there because you just want to be around people.You are just tired of being alone all the time,and even if it means to be just next to somebody,who shares the same predicament,you feel so much better about yourself.But is a group of lonely people,in any way,better than being alone yourself?I dont know.I think loneliness is contagious,and that being in a room for of depressed people will only make you feel that way,or worse.

There will always be this invisible wall between everybody.That column of air,the impenetrable fortress,the towering loneliness.We all climb the same walls,trying to get to the other side,to see how it is like have people around you,who cares about you.But the wall feels so cold,and there is nowhere to put your fingers into.Your shoes are slipping off the surface,and you can never get to the top of the wall,despite the glow from the other side,and the sound of an energetic crowd.

You cant help but feel helpless sometimes,that you are on this side while everybody else is on the other.Did you choose to be this way?Or were you left out of everything else that goes on?Is it our faults to feel lonely all the time?Or are we just alone?Is there is difference?Is it significant?Or are they very much the same?Why do we all stare at the one-eyed creature next to our monitors and spill our guts?What happened to our friends?What happened to our friends?

Arent we all living lives,that are collections of such moments?When we are sitting in front of the computer in the middle of the night,and nobody is online.You cant sleep,and your phone is right next to you,but you are afraid that if you call somebody,that somebody is going to scream so lot into his or her reciever for waking him or her up,that the very next day you are going to have a sledge hammer stuffed into your face.Because really,i think people in my generation,are all so lonely.The problem with that,is that we dont even acknowledge the fact that we are.We get together to share sob stories,and it is not like that is the remedy to our problems,and it doesnt help to know that there is somebody out there who feels exactly like you.It feels even worse,it really does.And it sucks.


So,like the black guy from the video.He hesitates,plays with the switch blade in his hand.He raises his left hand,slits his wrist in the video,and then throws it away,hugging his head,crying.

It's makes me so depressed,and i dont even know why.But it really does,even if the scene is a newly wed kissing,a baby waving at the camera,a pair of lesbians kissing,a girl having nothing to say at all,a kitten falling asleep,a baby rubbing her eyes,hand signs which i could not decipher...

So many things,and it is making me very depressed.

PS. Long conversations under the blanket till 620am makes me happy.